Selamat malam, tidurlah sayangku, siang kan tiba bercahaya,
bermula baru, semua untukmu.
I got this message last night at 00.09 from Afiqah Lias.
So, I know I must stop worrying and let face any possibility.
Redha
This morning, I do nothing. I don't know what should I do. I recite Quran and
praying until I feel like I am bold enough.
I told myself so very much times that I will be bold and its okay.
I told myself so very much times that I will be bold and its okay.
Whatever happen, I will never regret and will accept.
After telling Allah about this worryness and fear, I falling asleep.
Suddenly my phone rang so loudly that I am waking up.
At 10.30, I change my cloth to kurung and check all the windows and door.
I ride my LC to Ekin's palace.
I go to the grave, I ask her to bring me along as I want
to feel the environment and the feeling we are there.
Don't be so weird.
The only time I go to the grave is when my late uncle died.
itupun just once, with many people
Then after fetching up Ili, we go straight to smkda.
I park my LC at the canteen's back.
I don't know that I am so very late, because pengetua already announce
the straight A's archiver.
I know one of them is not me, so I smile.
Then, my friends and I are queuing up making a line to take the slip.
When it is my turn, my nerve doesn't wrecking.
All the fear have gone.
I don't know where they are going.
I look at the slip and then I look at Cikgu Roslan's face.
I think, he didn't expect that I get that bad.
Me myself, expect that at least I can get 6.
but, you know the truth really hurt and it it bites.
but I get what I deserve
But still I do not cry. Not even a drop. I feel like I can bear
or maybe, I don't feel anything.
Seriously. Maybe because I already know that I have no hope?
or maybe because I know my potential
or maybe because I know that I am not work hard enough
or maybe because that was what I deserve.
or maybe because that was what I deserve.
But, but I redha. Sincerely I accept it
Then I tell mama, ayah and kak Farah.
I know they upset but they know banyak mana je I punya effort.
I think they upset more because of my behavior.
Just if I can be a little bit kind,
but that does not change a thing right now. am I right?
But I am so glad and very much thankful to Allah.
because the strength He give me,
so I am able to face with them all.
After that, I meet my teachers, to say thank you for teaching me.
dengan muka tak malu eh !
Then I go back to my LC to go back home,
but suddenly mama call.
She ask me to come back home quickly because she
will pick me up at 3.00pm to back to our kampung belah mama at Paya Dalam.
Because my pak wek( atok in bahasa jawa) was admitted to hospital
and my anak buah meninggal dalam perut ibunya.
Things happen simultaneously. I feel the burden. Hard.
I thought it was enough till there but ayah call mama from Sg Rambai
saying that atok belah ayah was admitted to hospital due to the accident that occur
at pekan.
Ya Allah, if you want to test me then only test me Ya Allah. I can't give them a good news today. I beg you please give them a big good news to them tomorrow. Please Ya Allah, I beg you please. I have no more wish or there is nothing else that I want. I just want you to at least don't make them worry and please Ya Allah please, bless them and give them a good news.