"Doesn't it hurts" she asked. Looking me at eyes, waiting for my answer I guess. Girl, you know what? we cannot always get the love we give to others, but we will surely get it even when it is from a different person.
Of course we ever had crushed on someone and very often we mistook it for love, because no real love started before marriage, - believe me. When you are now with your boyfriend, it isn't true love yet. Once both of you get married, what stay between you two -- that what love really is.
That's why, I won't cry. If he doesn't meant to be my knight, then I will be just fine because one day, if my husband ever asked me whether or not, I ever cried for a boy, I will proudly says that I never cry for a boy. I don't know, perhaps I am being overreacted, overthink or whatever people name it, but it just passed my mind.
Logically, twenty years of marriage life, takkan you will not have time to ask questions like that? I mean, if it was me, I will asked my husband on our very first night to tell everything about his past. For some people, past it past, but I believe, the past is what make this present exist. And believe me, the past wasn't really a past as it can comes back anytime.
Therefore, I would like to prepare myself for those unexpected moment. If someone ever come to me and tell me that she has memories with my husband, I would like to let her know that I know about it. Because when I am about to love my husband, I would like to love everything about him. His past and history. His present and his future.
And believe me, when I love someone, what I wanted is not only to be loved by him but also to be a protector because no matter how strong a man is, he also has a gentle heart that must be tendered and I will be the armor.
That's why, I cannot cry merely for a boy. I won't cry just for anyone. As I believe, if he's not for me, then Allah will surely put my heart at ease. InsyaAllah
Love