I need to be happy.
Even without you here.
I need to be happy.
I can't let it shown to people.
I need to be strong.
No matter what.

Just then, you promise that you will come back.

- pieces of #novelterbaikbagimu

Just finish test ocean. Soalan as expected, from tutorial question. Tapi tak boleh nak happy sangat sebab I don't know how is their marking scheme. So lets hope and pray for the best.

Aril is commenting on my fashion. He asked me to watch you tube and search about fashion. Daaaaaaa.. (Mata keatas, tangan letak dibahu) macam I kisah ualls. Haha!

I have stop in pleasing people. I know, aril just give his opinion and as a friend, he has the right to give me the advise. One day, when I looked back, maybe I will regret this, but for now - I didn't need anyone's approval. Cukup dengan taat perintah Allah. Cover what should be covered and have fun with your life.

Fashion is wide. And to be unfashionable is fashion. Haha

Aku pernah,
Mempersoal mereka yang menentang.
Aku pernah mempersoal mereka yang asyik menolak aku kebelakang.
Aku mempersoal kerana aku tidak setuju diri aku dipinggirkan.
Tapi kini tak lagi

Aku mula belajar, mana tempat aki berdiri.
Aku mula tahu bahawa tak semua tempat, aku ini diingini.
Sebab tu aku lebih selesa sendiri.

9th Anniversary

Alhamdulillah and yeay, it has been nine years since I started to blog. 

This is my second account after the last one which-I-have-forget-the-password-already-and-cannot-retrieved-back. *sobs* so sad.

To be honest, I've been love writing since I was a kid. I am the only one in family who have diary. I love writing and maybe because there are some words I failed to express, so  I just write it down. Because I love to write secrets in my diary, I was a dead meat once when my dad read it (owh yeah, he shouldn't read it but hey, who does not curious on what your kids thinking of you kan?

And I cherish the moments I blogging throughout this nine years and insyaAllah to the next years onward. One of the reason I started to blog is to improve my writing skills, my grammar and my english vocab. I can see how much I've improved since then. And actually there are around thousands posts I've revert to draft due to serious-la-aku-yang-tulis-this-kind-of-stupid-posts kind of feeling. c(=

And today, I'm scrolling down to the old posts (it was saved as drafted), and I think I much more mature in 2014, and I don't know when I start to become childish again. *ergh* But that does not matter, what is more important right now, I wish everyone happy day and yeah happy August as well. 

#5

Why blame others when people you love left you behind
Why blame others when you felt ignored
Why blame others when people no longer want to stick with you?
Is it true that someone talk bad about you,
which "you believe" it as the main reason why people stay away from you.
\
Why don't we try to look at ourselves.
Thinking what we have done all of this time.

Don't simply blame people even if you get hurts
because as you think they are not in your shoes - same goes to you/
you are not in her shoes.
so please be kind, mature and honest.

Don't simply judge two people who is arguing.
We never know their complete story, so who are we
to say she like this and she like that.
and who are we to define she is good and she is bad?

Learn to hear from both side.
even each paper have two side.

Yay

Biar dalam diam, ikhlas dengan penuh kesederhanaan :) 

Grateful,

what about falling down,

we can always stand up again.

look at the sky and you can see it smile to me,

Look at the sky and I am still live on.

For someone to tell you a story,

For someone to have courage to tell the story,

She has at least cry one litre of tears.

for what you have now - appreciate

For those who love you - love them back

and for every little things, Thank you Allah because for such a bad servant like me, you have give me lot yet I'm still being ungrateful.

#4

Lupakan sekejap dendam dan amarahmu, aku teringin kita seperti dulu.

Aku mahu pandangan yang sama dan aku mahu senyuman yang sama.

I know you must think that I am selfish, but this is what I want.

kalau pun rasa itu bukan untuk kau, tapi tak salah kan kalau jadi kawan?

rasa tu bukan milik kau bukan kerana kau tak sempurna,

tapi because you deserve better.

 

#3

Adil.

Aku tak tahu apa bentuknya adil tapi aku tahu mereka dah cuba.

Cuba dengan sungguh-sungguh malah sehabis daya.

Aku tak tahu apa itu adil tapi apa yang bagi kau hak untuk kata kata mereka.

Titik peluh mereka. 

Jerih payah mereka - kau tak pernah nampak. 

Ini bukan satu usaha untuk saja saja mereka julang nama. 

Ini satu usaha untuk kita semua. 

Semua tu termasuk kau, aku dan kita

Jadi dimana letak pilih kasihnya? - tak ada. 

Kita tak mungkin punya segalanya. 

Kita tak mungkin menang dalam segalanya. 

Tapi, kita cuba, 

cuba cubalah bagi ruang untuk terima apa yang ada pada kita. 

Kau ada rasa?

Aku tahu kau ada rasa.

Marah, geram, benci, sakit hati - semua ada. Itu aku faham. Aku kan manusia.

Tapi, jangan hanya fikir rasa kita. 

Hormat hormatlah yang lain - aku, kau dan kita semua manusia. 

Aku saksi penat lelah mereka, tak kan aku mahu duduk duduk saja. 

Sabr

Sesungguhnya Allah bersama orang orang yang sabar

Untuk faham agama, aku terus pasak kaki agar aku terus teguh berdiri.

Tapi untuk lari dari rasa, aku tak terasa mampu.

Tapi aku tahu, ganjaran Allah dihujungnya pasti manis.

"dan sungguh, yang kemudian itu lebih baik bagimu dari permulaan"

[surah ad-dhuha 93:4]

#1

Recently I am being too sensitive 

and even though I know 

this is not the way I should react 

but I also cannot deny that it hurts

 inside me. 

Do you?

When I am being asked if I believed in love, my answer is yes

without hesitation, 

But I did not count myself as a participant.

i thought of it as the chemical reaction it was,

and saw myself not as part of the equation but as the by-product

you sometimes find after combustion. 

You can say you love someone very much but the question is how much?

Let's Mengislahkan Diri

Ada masa jiwa kita rasa kosong tapi berat. 

Ada masa kita rasa sunyi dalam hiruk pikuk manusia. 

Ada masa kita rasa hilang sedang semuanya ada depan mata. 

Ada masa kita rasa tertekan sedang tiada sebab yang terzahir.

Ada masa kita rasa seakan ada satu bebanan yang sangat berat terpaksa dipikul bahu.

Ada masa kita seakan mahu putus asa dengan segala usaha.

Ada masa kita tak tahu tujuan kita apa.

Ada masa kita tak tahu pun siapa kita. 

dan untuk setiap manusia yang melalui 'masa masa' ini, aku hanya ada satu penawar. 

back to Allah

stress? check balik hubungan kita dengan Allah. 

Bila kita rasa berat di jiwa, cari Allah.

kenal Allah dengan asma nya, 

berkata dengan Allah melalui kitab Al-quran 

Aku pemberi pesan bukan kerana aku sudah sempurna, tapi kerana aku baru saja melalui fasa itu. Aku cuba membuktikan tekanan ini akan reda jika aku mendengar lagu lagu yang memberi makanan pada rohani. aku cuba menjerit sekuat hati. aku cuba berlari, mengerjakan otot otot semaksima mungkin. Aku dodoikan diriku dengan lagu lagu tapi hasilnya I have got nothing. 

Tertekan itu lumrah, tapi adakah dengan makian tekanan itu akan berkurang? Tidak.

lalu adakah dengan melempiaskan marah pada yang tak bersalah? Tidak. 

Adukan pada Allah. Sungguh dia Maha Mendengar. 

Belajar syukur, sayang sekalian.

Bila bahagia seronok itu ditarik, baru tersentap. Baru tersedar, sebelum ni terlupa syukur untuk dilafazkan. 

Macam air yang selalu mengalir, terlupa suatu hari nanti ia akan kering tiada mengalir. 

Macam bahagia hari hari sebelum ini, terlupa kita hidup dibumi untuk diuji sebagai hamba Illahi. 

Tak semua yg kita mahukan akan jadi milik kita. Bukan semua yang apa yang kita inginkan tu hak mutlak kita. 

Kadang kadang yang cantik milik dia, yang indah tu milik mereka. 

Belajarlah untuk bersyukur apa yang Allah sedang pinjamkan.

Belajar menerima apa yang telah kita punya. 

Belajar redha dan tawakkal atas apa yang kita impikan tetapi bukan selamanya milik kita. 

Sekurang-kurangnya kita berkesempatan mempelajari nilai kebergantungan hakiki hanya pada Dia 

The Wall that Saved me

"We are the ones who build our walls

and we can also rip them down.

Maybe that's what we should do 

if we wanna make ourselves happy" 

But behind that wall - 

I found my strength. 

It was behind that wall - 

where I feel happy. 

so, basically. 

It was the wall, 

that saved me,

Rahsia.

"Bukan saja saja nak marah, 

Bukan saja saja kata tak suka, 

ada sebabnya kenapa dan mengapa. 

Bukan tak nak bagitahu, 

tapi tak semua rahsia aku, kau boleh tahu. 

Dan sebab itu -- maaf. 

Kalau kau tak dapat faham aku"

 - farhannakarim 

Mungkin lewat puisi kau boleh faham. Aku ini jenis orang yang memang sukar difaham. Bukan saja-saja mahu jadi macam tu, kadang aku sendiri pun keliru, dengan aku. Aku faham diri aku. Aku faham, aku jenis yang sukar difaham. Setiap hari, adalah hari baru untuk aku. Setiap hari aku ini - ada saja yang tak tentu. Boleh jadi, semalam aku suka makan kari, hari ini aku benci. Boleh jadi, semalam aku suka gurau gurau, hari ini muram. Sebab tu, awal dulu aku pesan. Kalau kau boleh tahan - stay. Sebab aku perlu teman. Dan bila kau rasa tak boleh - pergi. Sebab aku tak nak buat orang lain terasa hati. 

Tiada benci setanding kasih

Aku rasa dunia kejam dan kekejaman itu diwujudkan oleh manusia sendiri. Kita yang menghancurkan bumi yang patutnya kita tadbir. Pesalahnya kita, tapi marahnya pada orang lain. Apa adil? Dalam kekejaman yang buat kita rasa teraniaya, ada satu hal yang kadang kita lupa, rasa kasih yang mengatasi segalanya. Sejahat manapun satu manusia, pasti ada sedikit rasa mahu jadi baik. Macam kita - kitalah. Bukannya baik sangat pun. Setiap hari, sering saja melakukan khilaf dan salah, tapi 'mahu jadi baik' itu ada. Misalnya, aku rasa, satu hari nanti, aku mahu solat penuh, aku mahu lancar ngaji, aku mahu pakai tudung labuh, aku mahu itu dan ini . Meski hanya sekadar niat, namun percayalah jika terdetik hati kita untuk melakukan kebaikan, pasti Allah akan jentikkan hidayah kedalam diri kita, untuk kita diakhirnya melangkah kepada Dia. Sungguh, cara Allah menyantun hamba-hamba-Nya sangat cantik sekali. 

To me, I couldn't find any suitable poem than this.

I know that you're struggling,
and know that it's hard.

Believe me when I tell you that
I know why you put up that guard.

Perhaps they ignore you.
Perhaps they don't care.

Perhaps they won't tell you.
How it is that they feel.

Perhaps they abandoned you,
or little by little are letting you go.

Perhaps you even have no one,
to relate this poem to.

I can't tell you that it will get better,
because that is probably what they all say.

What I can tell you is that I understand you,
and I think that you deserve better

Don't force yourself into a places where
you don't belong.

Don't force yourself to believe what
you knew is not true.

I know that you're struggling
And I know it's hard

I promise to stand by you,
and help you take down that guard.

Soul mate

A soul mate is a,
well it's like a best friend, but more.
It's the one person in the whole world
that knows you better than you know
yourself.
It's someone who makes you a better
person. Well actually you they don't
make you a better person.
You do that yourself! because they
inspire you.

A soul mate is someone you can
carry with you forever. It is the one
person who knew you but yet, still
accepted you and believe in you,
before anyone else did or when no one
else would.

And no matter what happens,
you'll always love them.

People making jokes, because getting hurt is too scary

and you make jokes
because you're afraid
to take anything seriously.
Because if you
take thing seriously--they matter.

and you're just scared
of getting hurt or maybe
you have had enough,
so you choose to give up on hope.

Are you that hurt?

Are you that hurt?
shall I comfort you?
but how?
will my words calm you down?
or will my words makes you feel better?
then, should I go and comfort you?

There is so many questions
which haven't been answered.
I'm still here, standing still and worrying.
Don't know whether or not should I go forward.

I hope, the pain in your chest will go.
I hope, those painful memories will be treated.
and I hope, you found a reason to be happy again.

A little word for New Comers

"Believe in your heart and your voice, and your mission. 

No matter what. No matter how small it all feels now" 

And dear my darling strangers, 
I hope throughout your journey in MIMET, 
you will find yourself better and stronger. 
I hope Allah will protect you 
with the best protection 
and bless you with knowledge and wealth. 

 

WOW June 2016

Being appointed as PC (program coordinator) for this wow june 2016 is such a big responsibility. After a long time leaving prefect organisation during secondary school, I've got nervous breakdown to once again being at the top. It has been abnormal for me to give order and instructions. I've slowed down ever since those days. I retired. and now, once again, to be the one who will coordinate an event. I wanted the program to run smooth. I want everything to be perfect. 

But it was different. The management here is not same as school's management. University is real. The race is real. The condemnation is real. The fight is real. The argument is real and the emotionally tortured is real. And back stabbing is too real, you can't afford to stand if you are not strong enough. And alhamdulillah, I'm pairing with Izwan ad PD (program coordinator). He is also vice president in SRC. Working with him was fun. He's emotionally stable. Sejenis yang tenang and not easily get mad. Vice versa with me ( so temperamental and sooooo emotionally unstable)! 

Human being is unique. We don't really know what that one person is thinking and how do they feel. And yeah, working with these unique creature is never an easy thing! dissatisfaction and arguments is everywhere. And with my dictator style of leading the team, could have make things worst. I am lucky to have Izwan, to calm things down. every time. so thanks to him and also sorry because I've caused him a lot of trouble. 

We got problems with management, but that is our problem to settle. I know this is just a beginning of introduction towards "THE CRUELTY OF MANAGEMENT", any kind of management! urgh, don't make me rant on those..

But regardless of what had happened, one thing for sure. I am happy to be the one who met those new adorable new students. they are all kind, though some of them is very naughty, but hey...we all ever experience that moment. They are just parted from family. they just started to be independent. Even when they go to boarding school, teachers will always guide them, they always have rule to obey. But here, they got the freedom! And how they utilize the freedom and the abilities to get benefits from the freedom - that is their challenge.

Owh, I no longer know what I am saying, so till then.

Between friendzone and privacy

I've finished my final exam, yeay!! The longest period of exam week ever, (3) three weeks kot! phewww. Yes there are gaps between six papers that I took for this semester which is quite good for me because I could have time to study. You know, this semester is so hectic with events, meetings and src itself. Assessments and class were not properly managed (all studen

Okay, basically I don't know what is wrong with me. It just, I don't like when people become too pushy and instruct me to do this and that. I am not hard headed (owh I am) but this is a different kind of not liking people push you to do something that you already have plan for it. Example, I need to work on a proposal. The event will be on this upcoming October, but the proposal isn't ready yet. [my fault! I'm not too busy working but playing] but hey, I have overcome that my own way kay! 

Right now I'm having three weeks straight of an event called "Breakfast Giveaway", I am glad that the other members came and help. In day one, I came alone setting the tables and I didn't complaint! I didn't blame others for not coming earlier because I know they are preparing for exams, so do I, but..yeah. With exams and ongoing event, I don't really have time to sit and do the proposal, but I have talked to my sub that we will do it after final exam. 

Clearly stated, and it is okay between the two of us, until someone told me to work together with my sub to do the proposal. He/she speaks in clearly acceptable tone and I fully realise that his intention is just to remind me, but I feel bothered by that reminder. I feel like he's saying that I am not doing my work and let my sub do it all alone! I feel like he's saying that I didn't playing my role! I am not functioning. Or maybe, I get so mad, because I know it is true? but it is not!! 

Hmmm, the day become mourner when I get a feedback from student relating to our "Breakfast Giveaway". He/She said "makanan ni macam bukan nak bagi orang makan" in very sopan voice. A negative feedback and I accept it with a smile. Dear, the food itself is FREE. Breakfast giveaway is a program where we provide students with FREE breakfast during exam's week. The food was provided by our caterer and I am not paying her a single penny. She want to donate to students. Sincerely. So dear, when the food already free and we are not paying anything, instead of complaining, why don't we be thankful. I mean, if we want tasty food with beautiful plating, then we need to pay la! Okay. 

Wow, I have done a great job. It has been long since I last writing this long!! yeay. Okay, need to go to study law. Bye bye

Close, but not too close.

It was a hectic week with exams and Violette thingy, and I don't really like people who bother-ly bother me. Get it? I may seem easily approached and yes, sometimes I do make myself reachable, so people won't label me as arrogant after being src. But the point now is, no matter how approachable I may seem, please set the border! 

We have limits. We can be close but not too close. We can be friend but not too friendly, once you have crossed the border, I won't see you with the same feeling as I have before. So, please just stay still where you are now. Don't cross the limit, because I won't be able to stop myself from refusing you. Just be there, where you are now. Never come closer.

This is what I am, I love people, but I am a hater.

So drifted away;

Liking him or not?

 

should we really accept to be in relationship when someone confessing his/her love towards us? If you already certain that you love him/her then, it's okay la. It will be just like your "happy-ending story" but let say if you are not certain (you are in condition where you want to love and to be loved yet you are not ready. You don't really find someone you want to love), would you accept the confession? Will you say yes?

If you say yes, then would that love be genuine? 

If you say no, maybe you're missing the opportunity to meet your soulmate, but yeah - who knows? 

 

Or maybe, instead of looking at other person who is miles apart from us, we can just take a deep breath and look into the faces who stays with us, who are closer with us. maybe -- 

She's beautiful, at heart.

You have no confidence in me

I told you I can do it, 

and you say you know.

I told you I can do it. 

and you are nodding

your head. 

I told you I can do it, 

and you are looking at me with

smiling eyes. 

Then I thought, 

you can believe me. 

I thought you could entrust 

your burden on me, 

but guess what? 

I know, you're not.

We will fight but I want us to make up

It ain't easy - to stay. Is staying with one person through thick and thin is really that hard? I mean, I keep seeing people breaking up. No, they are not bad, they are just sometimes fighting over some issues and yeah, they breaking up. 

Should we break up after fighting? can't we make up? 

I mean, people will keep fighting, no matter what issues we arguing about, if we really love that person, we will still stay by their side and improving our relationship, but that doesn't happened to my friends and this makes me worry. 

What if, relationship is really hard and the consequences after arguing is really bad? 

If I am about to be in relationship, I know I will disagree with his opinions. I know I will get angry at him and there will be so many things we are not agree with. There will be a lot of arguments and yes the atmosphere will become cold, but despite all of that, I still want to stay. 

I want to stay - but I am scared, if he won't because many does that. They leave after arguments. 

"We will fight, 

We will have so many 

things to disagree. 

We will against

each other, 

and have some times

not to talk to each other.

You will go out

to the balcony and,

I'll eat alone in 

dining table. 

We will backs on 

each other 

on the bed, silently

with eyes wide open.

Wondering what you are 

doing back there.

We will not

looking each other 

at eyes and, 

passed each other. 

Like, there is no one.

But somehow, 

we can make up. 

Because we know, 

the love to love is

much more greater than 

hatred.

And I will stay. 

I will want to stay. 

Forever"

 - fk

I keep forget things.

I keep forget things lately. I forget about simple matters that I should do. It's not that I didn't jot down the note. I've wrote it all over places. In my note books, in journal, in a piece of paper that I stick on my wall, so every morning I wake up, I know what I should do. But yeah - I still forget.

The most annoying part of it is that, I cannot make an excuse out of it. I cannot blame things on someone or something because it is my mistakes! And for only this week, I have commit so many mistakes which me myself could not take it. I don't know what happen to me, I really hope someone do know. 

I feel like crying but I am not a cry baby. I used to be so strong and so bold to the point I am not doing any mistakes regarding my works, jobs and responsibilities. I am very particular about things, but what happened to me right now? Why I am being like this? so weak and pathetic! 

There is a lot of things to think, and I don't even have time to think about myself, but my mistakes do cover my effort and people now see me as an empty can. I don't like being looked like that. That was not kind of impression that I looked for. Yes, I am upset. 

:p

10 years.
It's not a short time.
Healing process do take time.
And through that 10 years like hell.
Here I am - standing still.

Being choosy nowadays is understandable,
because a girl like me, we're fool for being loyal. 

I guess, each of us
have that one history,
which will never be forgotten.

That kind of history
that hurt us so much.
That will forever
lingered in our heart.

But I do hope,
that some day,
we will meet
that one person
who know
how hurt we are
and understand
that kind of pain.

So, we will not
hurting each other.

If I am going to love someone,
I want to love his flaws,
I want to love his weakness.

I won't ask him to be perfect.
I don't want him to be perfect.

And if he is about to fight or struggle,
I want to stand by his side.
Supporting and encouraging.

I won't leave, I promise.
Even when he asked me to.

That's why, I have no time
with unnecessary stupid relationship.

This ring in my finger,
I am waiting to replace it,
replacing it with the real one. 

Ouh,

This one in my finger right now
is not real. It's fake.
Just to reserved myself for myself.
Because I don't want to be owned by
others.

But now, is a different story. 

Afraid of myself

How many hearts have I hurt by my words and attitude? Can they forgive me for my wrong doing? Can they accept my excuse for not being unstable at that moment while they are having their own problems too?
I am afraid that I won't be able to be someone who can understand others. I don't want to be the pain in their life. And if I was meant to be in someone memory, I want to be the good one.
"Rhan, everyone has their own struggle. Just like you, remember?" I keep telling myself. Bus this devil inside me is refusing. How should I do, when no one seems to understand?

Dealing with you isn't easy, 

dealing with me won't make it easier. 

Recently. I'm pretty temperamental. Maybe because of my shocking diet routine - well I don't know but I'm quite sensitive these days. I get angry yet I want to cry. I want to be alone yet I want someone to confort me. I want to be independent yet I want someone I can depend on. I want to call my dad as always but I don't want he thinks that I didn't grow up. I want to tell mama but I don't wanna be a spoiled brat. I want to tell my friend but I don't want to be their burden. 

Partially out of my mind. T_T

10th Anniversary

It has been 10 years.

 I know I'm taking 

so much time to heal.

 But this time is different. 

Because the pain 

you have give me once, 

has now become my strength.  

It has been 10 years.

It does hurt to fight,

but I'm grateful that 

I am finally win.

and 

I will never stop to fight 

until I can be indestructible.

Everytime, I start to trust people.

I get my back stabbed. 

Evertime I start to promise,

I get them all broken into pieces.

Now, I am no longer an art 

but a masterpiece. 

Try to drag me down,

I will fly even higher. 

  

I know I am weak, for taking such a long time to heal and move on. But there is nothing to complain as I was once loyal and fool. But don't worry, as today, I am no longer trusting, no longer have lingered feeling and no longer hoping, that this world will be in peace. 

Page 30 - Chapter 3

Assalammualaikum,

Hey, it has been long.
I am quite busy lately,
with assignments, meetings,
quizzes and tests.

Being a part of src's family is not easy,
but I am enjoying every moment.


Do you ever feel so tired that you want to stop?
Do you ever feel so restless that you want to give up?
Do you ever feel so hurt that you want to regret?

Bur doing something that you have passion in,
will not make you feel that way.
I have experienced it -- not once.

Urm.
I just missing writing so much.
Because of time restriction, I think
I'll stop till here.

Will post more entries in the future.

Oh ya,
Challenges has started to show up.
And I just hope that twelve of us can be strong.
Strong enough to stand strong.
I mean, dealing with students,
management and being the third party itself is not easy.

I only hope that within our members,
we will always practice togetherness.
I do hope that within our members,
we will always support each other.
Because I've been stabbed before and it doesn't feel good.

Till here. Bye

It has been a while.

I'm still breathing, without you. 

I've come back.

Right to the place I've been before I met you.

It doesn't hurt so much. 

Because you're nothing but a hideaway friend. 

p/s: I've been waiting. But I'm not good at it 

Page 23, Chapter 2 - Breaking The Shell

The path I've taken is tough. 

But I'm tougher.
I decide to break the shell. 

It does hurt at first. 

I doubt myself. 

Full with insecurities. 

But, if I do not trust me, then who will? 

So, I walk a step further. 

I climb one level higher.
I fly - errr, okay --tak.

Yesterday (e-voting) kecoh sekejap,
when my name was not in the system.
Nadzirah replaced my name.
Technical problem (wrong ID number).
Luckily, HQ dapat overcome the issue.
I've got my vote transferred.
But still, I didn't set my hope high.

Today's evening.
When I enter class for Isu2 Kotemporari,
Mahfuzah came and whisper at my ears.
The good news - she said.
I was elected as SRC2016/2017.

A big responsibility on my first year!
If this is what the best for me,
I hope Allah is with me.

I want to thank my family for endless support and dua. My lecturers and friends motivation. Mimetians who believe and have faith in me. InsyaAllah, I will do my best. To serve. To lead.

#src2016/2017 #srcmimet

"Apabila niat baik mu kepada manusia sering disalahertikan, 

anggaplah itu akibat dosa-dosa mu kepada Tuhan. Dan mungkin, itulah cara Allah mendidikmu tentang keikhlasan"

Waktu aku liar dalam jiwa yang memberontak, 

Aku pasak teguh ego, agar aku tetap utuh dan tak roboh. 

Waktu aku pendam dalam semua dendam, 

Aku pandang semua orang, minta mereka faham. 

Waktu semua menjauhi dan aku menjadi asing, aku mohon agar mereka kembali. 

Kembali untuk ada disisi walau pada mereka aku hambur kata benci. 

Aku mohon mereka fahami. 

Berkali-kali. 

Tapi aku pula lupa. Mereka juga manusia biasa. 

Dan bila tiba mereka yang menjadi asing, 

Aku refuse untuk memahami jiwa koyak mereka. 

(How ironic) 

Page 19, Chapter 2 - SRC MIMET 2016/2017 SELECTION

Sesungguhnya #voteforme bukanlah agenda yang aku perjuangkan, 

tapi tentang harapan dan kepercayaan yang diberikan, untuk aku laksanakan. 

Aku tak mahu janji yang bukan-bukan.Tak mahu janji yang diluar kemampuan

Jika ini yang terbaik, maka Tuhan - bantulah.
Tetapi jika tidak, maka posisi itu, ada yang lebih layak.

Till here, Bye

Page 16, Chapter 2 - Home Is Where Our Story Begin

Towards them, 

There are so many things I am sorry for and feel sorry for.

In my rebelled years (few years ago), they always be there - standing still. 

Watching a me, who can't be controlled by comforting words.  

Even I've always thrown out my tantrum, saying those offensive words, 

but at my side is where they stand still. 

Family.

Having a family who you feel most safest, happiest and comfortable to be with is the greatest gift. How could I asked more from Allah when all I did is disobey Him? 

I can talked about my feelings (unfiltered) with my parents. 

My family knows whose my first crush is, and I keep updating them about the second, third and ... 

What else can I ask for? 

Isn't it rude to ask more when I already have so much? 

In few recent years,

I've found myself being so clingy with my family. I want to appreciate them more from today onward, and I hope this sincere feeling can reach their heart. And all I hope is, my action will prove my words. 

Yesterday, mama called me. I was sleeping actually when I heard my phone rang. 

It was Saturday and MIMET was blacked out, so the only way to cheat from feel 

like being grilling is sleep. When my voice out, mama quickly say that I shouldn't sleep at this hour. "mesti tengah meniarap atas katil ....." at this very point, I was totally awake. Because, yeah, I did answer mama called on the bed - meniarap. "Macam mana tahu ni?" I asked. "Mama boleh nampak dari jauh" and I was, God, is it really the truth? Haha. 

Guys, parents know us more than we think they would. 

They might missed a few things about us, but don't you think that there are so much more that we should thank them for? Lets put aside our ego when it comes about our parents and siblings. Tell them how much you love them, how much you missed them and say sorry when you are at fault. Where would you find the true love story if you didn't start it within your family?

Bye,

Assalammualaikum.  

Page 15, Chapter 2 - Am I An Extrovert?

Yes, I am. 

First, let's take a look on definition of an extrovert. On positive side, extroverts are often described as talkative, sociable, action oriented, enthusiastic, friendly and out-going. On the negative side, they are sometimes described as attention-seeking, easily distracted and unable to spend time alone. 

Some of general characteristics associated with extroversion includes; 

1) Numerous, broad interest; 

I've always been curious on so many things, even though it might not related with my life or field of study, but is there really any certain things that was not related with our life? Even stranger takes part in our life kan?

2) Likes to communicate by talking;

It was like in my blood. I keep talking even when there is no people around. (not all the time, but most of time, you will find me talking, even to myself - muttering). A fact state that people who talked to themselves are sort of genius. Erm, who knows? Haha. 

3) Enjoys being at the center of attention 

People always mistook me of trying to overshadow or labelled me as 'attention-seeker' but that is not it. I loved to have my opinion to be heard out. And it would be a great pleasure if people can accept my ideas, making me feels appreciated. I know that is not really a way to show you appreciation, but that's how I feel special. I know, something is not right with me when it comes to this, but I don't find it offensive when people objecting my opinions etc. I mean, I would feel good if people see my importance-ness in their life. Bahaha. I hate being the second option. Okay, I have been drifting so far away from the topic. 

4) Tends to act first before thinking 

I tend to believe my guts which most of the time I will feel regretted after doing it. How ironic. For example, being talkative has made me into someone who love sharing session when it comes to one-to-one conversation. I tend to tell people about my life experience which I would always say "ahh, why I told them this. It should be a secret. They shouldn't know about this", after telling them. Luckily, that's my story. Hey, I have trained myself not to mixed up my stories with others okay. 

5) Enjoys group work 

I always have a group of A people including me, working together on big project and gain success everytime we are on it. However, reality does hurt when it bites. I love working in group, but having great team member is a must. You know, dealing with people who do not know how you work is really stressful. That's why, I believe that everyone must blended well before they start on any work group. 

6) Feels isolated by too much time alone

Tho I was a talkative, but I do need some time to be alone - but not for too long. I am not defining 'being alone' as in not having anyone to be with but more as has-nothing-to-do-it. If I have works to do, then I don't feel lonely. House chore is exceptional okay !!

7) Looks to others and outside sources for ideas and inspiration 

When I fully understand the word of imperfection and the fact that we (human being) are the perfect example of imperfection, I have come to realize that I am lacking at so many aspects of life. By knowing that, I am certain that there is no other way for me to gain all the knowledge. It's beyond my potential. So, what I do is, I seek knowledge from people. I experience what they experienced. I watch videos on you tubes on great personnel in the world and their key of success in order to gain mine in the future. 

8) Likes to talk about thoughts and feelings

This part is my favorite. I always wanted to have someone, who can really listen to my sigh, listen to my happy event and sad moments, I also want to tell him/her what excites me and of course I would like to hear him's or her's too. I prefer midnight talk, as they say, people tend become more honest when they talked at the midnight as the mood is calm. Hermm..makes sense. 

I guess until here for today. I once again telling you and myself that I am an extrovert. For now, I like being it, because I really do not want to become an introvert which is so-not-like-me. Can you imagine how sucks it is if I sealed up my mouth even just for a second? It might not affecting your life, but it does affecting mine. Tho our religion asked us to remain silent if there is nothing useful to be said, but I can't really excuse myself for that. Heeeeee. But being an introvert once in a while doesn't feel bad either. 

Bye.

Page 2, Chapter 2

Assalammualaikum. 

It has been long since the last post. You think I'm studying but I am not. I have wrecked my final. Everything was beyond my control. No. I have loose the control. Someone has drive me crazy and to make it worst, live isn't at my side. I guess so, or else, I am might not writing with this kind of tone. And yeah, my face is so stiff--losing its 'cahaya'.

This new sem does not seem to be happiness-kind of semester. Haha. Semester 1 doesn't either. Ha, entahlah. I feel so many things are going in wrong way. I couldn't find myself. I was distracted with so many kind of things. I don't know what, but yeah. That is it.

I feel so lonely. I don't really make friends here. I feel like staying in the invisible darkness, which is very far from people that they could not realise that I was there - with them. I feel so lonely back then and in the present.  

My Trip to Zoo

Hari ni pergi program Volunteering at Zoo Taiping. It is such a good experience, however if we could arrived a bit earlier, we could have an advantage to feed tiger. To clean up its cage. You know - to look at the beast (like very closely), how amazing would it be?

.

All in all, I'm quite happy today. At least I got things to do, because I know I will resist to study this weekend, so better I work my body out. Maybe because I've gotten used to be alone, so I kind of care less about joining a program w/out people I close with. 

.

I mean, look- everyone holding their friends tight. Going every where together like they can't never be apart. But I was not born to do that I think. I ever feel depressed about that, but now - no more.

If you want to fly high, you must let go of things that pulling you downward. 

.

I did that. 

.

But I know the main reason why I need this kind of physically tiring activities, so that I couldn't have any space to think about you again. But guess what, I didn't succeed yet