of cold and cold

I remember being so cold to boys. Even if I know they are kind and has helped me a lot, still, I treated them like a stranger. I treated them harsh. (but I don't think it was harsh at all, it just my tone, yes, my tone is a little bit high when talking to boys) -- obviously there are stories I didn't tell out loud, but yeah, things like that happened.

but today, whenever I am cold. I am this kind of cold. Hahha. I am funny, I can make jokes, I can make friends, of course both girls and boys. I care less about what people talk about me (but I am so infamous, no one knows me, what would they talk about me? hhaha) I relieved that I managed to tame my temper, I am glad that my heart was soften, but sometimes, I must admit that I miss my old self, who practically aware of everything, who put her defense up high so no one can cross the line, and no one can hurt me.

but that's the thing about life, it full of surprises we never think of. When the wall I built crushed down, my world seems brighter. It full of colors. I could see things in many different perspective. I rarely get hurt. Even if I am, it never feel as tough as when I was twelve. I am glad it happens, even I miss the old me -- sometimes.