a little word.

People like me.
We'll meet that few angelic person.
Who came and save us from ourselves.

But people like me.

We tend to forget.
That this is all temporary.

We tend to forget.
That this angelic person
have got someone else to save too.
so, when that angelic person decide to leave,
people like me get our heart broken.

because people like me,
we are too fragile.

and sometimes,
we forget, that happiness we want,
is not ours from the start.

a little word.

People like me.
We'll meet that few angelic person.
Who came and save us from ourselves.

But people like me.

We tend to forget.
That this is all temporary.

We tend to forget.
That this angelic person
have got someone else to save too.
so, when that angelic person decide to leave,
people like me get our heart broken.

because people like me,
we are too fragile.

and sometimes,
we forget, that happiness we want,
is not ours from the start.

Waiting someone isn't hard. 

Being loyal isn't hard. 

You only need certainty and trust.

He have my trust. 

But he never certain. 

That's what makes me hesitate. 

and with that,
we choose to
get over and move on.

...

If you ever leave

If you ever leave me once,
then leave.
If we ever meet again,
then don't even dare to remember about anything.
Do not even dare to have any lingered feeling,
and even if I stop you to leave again,
then you should just have to walked away.

If you leave

I just watched a Korean Drama.

A story about husband and wife who got divorced and meet again after seven years. At that moment when they meet, they both know there are still some feelings lingered in their hearts, but the husband is about to marry someone else and the wife is in charge for her husband wedding reception. 

They got divorced when the husband need to leave for work. But he leave without any words, making his wife wonder, why. She did waiting for him but she thought he's not going to come back, so she decided to let go and move on. Her husband did coming back. After working so hard like crazy, finishing 6-month work in two month time. After that working-like-hell moment, he did coming back. But when he did come back, he realize that he has loss everything. For one month, he was looking for his wife at every hotels in Las Vegas, but she is nowhere to be found. He become an alcoholic, disaster and miserable. 

Until they meet again, after seven years. 

But at that moment. The husband is about to marry another person. And the wife is dating her boss. And the boss really love that women. 

And here comes the things I don't like. That women still have feelings for her husband. Her husband did feel the same way. 

for me, 

If he ever leave once, then leave. 

Don't ever think of coming back. 

Being paired up, means you share everything. 

Happiness and also problems. 

He could just tell her to wait.
He could just leave her notified.
She can understand.
She can completely understand.

and if this ever happened to me.

I will just take that boss hand and marry him.
and start something new.
because as much as he was hurting by leaving her,
she never want to get hurt being left behind -- again.

For this drama, I'll choose the second hero--

a liitle word

Bila kita tidak mengenali,
Kita mudah sekali membenci,
Mudah sekali terasa hati,
dan tentunya -- mudah sekali menjauhi.

Tapi cuba, kalau kenal.
Dikutuk dimaki pun rasa seperti dipuji.
Ditepuk tampar pun, tak terasa hati.
dan dalam keadaan apa pun, akan cuba memahami.

dan mungkin,
selepas ini kita bisa tahan diri,
dari terus menerus rasa tersakiti,
dengan hal-hal yang remeh saat kita belum mengenali,
kerana mungkin saja,
tak terniat dihati sesiapa untuk menyinggung hati,

dan mungkin,
sedikit saja barangkali,
kita cuba untuk lebih memahami.

Hari Bersama Komuniti dan Pemenang

Two weeks preparation and finally the highlight of the event has been held last Saturday on 13 August 2016. The first week full of meetings for coordination and few things which need further discussion and detailing. The one day event called 'Hari Bersama Komuti dan Pemenang', a closing of the program that previously held in venture with Vale. 

I was taking full in charge for activities and games during the events and all praises to Allah that Mdm Linda had asked her students who lived at Pangkor to help me. Her name is Intan. Thanks God for giving her and she is just kind and beautiful as her name. *weewee

But to summarize everything that happened during the event, I think I am not only in charged in games but also doing things that our of my job scope. I am a 'bag'by sitter, a baby sitter, and also a bidang terjun emcee (just to read the last part - pantun) because Mdm Sarah never emceeing in Malay before. So in return, I will get 5 marks for my next Professional English 2!! --what a yeayy-- Haha 

Handling games means you are handling so many kids. I don't like kids, I love babies. Lol. I do like kids but entertaining so many of them will make me out of control in some way. But they are kids. What they know? They only know how to have fun. I love seeing they smile in everything they do. They have so much confident in them. I love seeing their smile when they laugh.

Overall, it was a really tiring day, pftt. But it was a good experience. I met people. I talk to them. All about new things. I make few friends, with students and staff as well. I could show off my talent --hik--
You know what is the best thing about working on project basis program? Yes, the previous project will never be the same as the new one. So, there will be a lot of things you can learn and get.

I really feel thankful for this opportunities given and will looking forward to work on IIIP Department in the future. Owh ya, by the way remember I ever post about a lecturer I don't like before? Yes, I am having a good term with her right now. I think, this is all about how much you know about someone.

What is left to say?

She smiles. 

She smiles for things that make her happy. 

And today, she smiles again. 

Maybe you're the reason why she smile. 

Maybe you've made her happy, 

or maybe her happiness is -- you.

World is not Chocolate Cake

Do you ever wonder,
why can't we love the person who loved us,
instead of waiting for someone who not even
know about our feelings or worse, our existence?

Don't you ever think that your crush is actually
thinking the same question,
why they can't love you instead of waiting for
the one who didn't returned back their love?

I do believe that we are all paired up.
It just, it is hard to find the real one.
That's why we keep trying and trying,
and all that trials, were hurting us.

But hey, don't you think we'll eventually
meet "that one" someday?
Today is just not a day -- hehee
Because that trials is to prepare you.
Because that hurting heart is going to heal,
by that person, you'll finally meet at the end.

But is there any more Cinta Teragung, besides
the love from your Creator to you?

May peace be upon you.

A girl?

There goes a story,

about a girl who blind her eyes, 

when she did met a guy 

she really wanted to see. 

It is not egoism that she defend. 

But friendship. 

No matter how heartless she may seem, 

there are some kind of past, she tried to conceal. 

Final Exam

Assalammualaikum and hai.

Tomorrow gonna be my final exam.
Alhamdulillah that I only got one paper
for this short semester.

Let's do the best,
so we can smile scoring 4 flat.

--bye--

Bestfriend

The thought of this is killing me, it's been on my mind
Can't believe it's been right here after all this time
And even though I love you I can't seem to find someone who cares the way you do
You know, I love the way we've always been nothing more than friends
So why do I give every man the stand up
Thought I was over this but once again I'm comparing you to him
And I find that there's no you in him that matters

Boy even though your my best friend
I can't help it whenever I compare you to him
It's like I always do this
With every single man
And I hate that I can't find someone who's worth my time
Just like my best friend

And I know you hear me say this all the time
I don't do relationships cause I'm on my grind
But see a part of it's

Because I just can't find someone who knows me like you do
Always brought out the good in me
Don't know just what you say
Whatever it is, no other guy has even tried

Remember when you left one day and turned around and say "you're my best friend"
"You're my best friend"

And right there you made me cry
I'm trying to let you know
A part of me just can't let this go
Never had a friend and it might have been

With you it so different yeah
I don't know what you did
But I know whatever it is
I'm so grateful for you
I'm so grateful for you

Just Friend

I know that I don't own you,
and perhaps I never will,
so anger when you're with her,
I have no right to feel

I know that you don't owe me,
and I should ask for more;
I shouldn't feel so let down,
all the times when you don't call

What I feel—I should show you,
so when you're around I won't;
I know I've no right to feel it
but it doesn't mean I don't

--This one from Lang Leav 

Crush

Crush is, 

Someone who you would like to love, 
but you know you not deserve and 
you know there is no possibilities of you 
two were meant for each other, 
so you conceal your feeling. 

I am sorry that I am lying to certain people about who my crush is.
But from this very moment, I'll be honest and not deny a thing.
I am sorry that I am too scared and not even trying.
I am sorry that we end this friendship with a lie. I am sorry.

Love & Misadventure

“What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude.
It was like being exhumed, I answered, and brought to life in a flash of brilliance.

What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy.
It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, I replied. To be heard after a lifetime of silence.

What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow. 
There was a long pause before I responded:

It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me—said all at once.”

--blank pages--

I don't have much time left,

for jealousy or ego, 

I just want to have you, 

and for now, 

that's all I know. 

Crush.

One day you meet someone 
and for some inexplicable reason, 
you feel more connected to this stranger 
than anyone else--closer to them than your closest family. 
Perhaps this person carries within them 
an angel--one sent to you for some higher purpose;
to teach you an important lesson or to keep you safe during a perilous time. 
What you must do is trust in them--
even if they come hand in hand with pain or suffering--
the reason for their presence will become clear in due time.

Though here is a word of warning--
you may grow to love this person 
but remember they are not yours to keep. 
Their purpose isn't to save you 
but to show you how to save yourself. 
And once this is fulfilled; 
the halo lifts and the angel leaves their body 
as the person exits your life. 
They will be a stranger to you once more.

- Lang Leav

--and that is how my crush walk in and leave from my life -- 
--he will always be missed--

my lyfe in here isn't so good

I feel like crying like now, but I can't.
I've promised not to cry like a baby.
I've promised that I'll no longer let tears touch my cheek.

I hate it.
I hate it here.
I don't like to be here -- in MIMET.
I don't like it, I wish I can quit.
I don't like the staffs, managements and lecturers.
*some of them

They're really sucks! *excuse my tongue 

I'm so easily caught up in stress.
Because I don't like it here.
I just don't like it here.

-- I am not okay, okay --

Students are the biggest crowd of client one may have,
who you should take a good care of them as much as
you want to take care of your ventures and investors.
Is it because we seem use less to you that you treat us
like a kid?

Yes, we are still young but we're not a little kid!
Even if we're a little kid, you should mind your manner.
After all, what you're doing is business and you should
respect your clients no matter how young, immature or childish they are.

-- my soul is crying silently --

Currently I am working with IIIP department,
so basically, I am a temporarily staff at UniKL Mimet.
I know my limit and basically I am type of person who know to stand on the ground.
I know my place very well.

I never enter staff rooms as I like before.
I always asking for permission and waiting for it.
Now, that I've entitled as staff, so I've right to get access into certain rooms in Mimet.

Here, how the story goes.
I opened the staff room, calling for Kak Syera.
I just stand in front of the door.
So, sudden, there is one staff saying this
"Lepas ni jangan masuk bilik ni eh. Nampak tak dekat pintu tu tulis apa?"
I just nodded my head and smile.

You know what I hate most?
People who love to attack me without asking me first!
I never go over the limit okay!
He made me feel really bad.
Then I just get out from the room.

-- hatred want to win too --

But then again,
after having my lunch and meeting with Kak Ain,
I was bumped into this officer.
I smiled at him. He smiled back.
*I'm professional anyway !!

But one thing I like about this officer is that he's so frank.
He say what he need to say and pappp. 
I know, he's not favor me.
He's not acting like that with his favorites students.
I am just not lucky to not be one.
I guess, if he can let me know him a little bit more and if
he can acknowledge my abilities a little bit more, we can make a good team.

But guess what? Not everything will fall in my way.

So till here, and still feeling so sad!!

Love does drive someone, crazy.

Running out from the class when I hear your voice.
Whenever I've free time, I look for you at all possible
places I think you would be.
When I didn't found you, I get upset.
When I found you, what I did is I pretend like I don't care.
I try to make our every eh-kau-pun-ada-dekat-sini seems like coincidence,
and for each "coincidence", you never failed to excites me.

But, after you left --
After those defending-our-ego battle --
I know what a great lost I've loss.
And I never get too excites ever since.

But recently, someone has came.
He has that same energy as you ever give me.
He did annoy and irritate me,
but just like you,
He did make me smile so effortlessly
and he did make me running to look for him at such "coincidence" cause.
And for once again, I feel like things gonna excites me -- again.

And that is when I realize,
Love do drive someone, crazy. 

p/s: I write. I've imagination and I imagine things. This poems might not be about me, so you - don't complicated things. 

Bezanya Tahu dan Faham

Dear, 

sungguh tahu dan faham itu tidak sama. 

Dimana tahu, kau tahu dia, tahu macam mana karakternya. 

Kau tahu dia dari mana, kau tahu suka dan tak sukanya.

Kau tahu banyak tentang dia. 

Kau tahu apa yang buat dia marah. 

Kau tahu apa yang buat dia gembira. 

Tapi, 

Sebanyak mana pun kau tahu tentang dia, 

itu belum pernah cukup untuk kau faham dia. 

Dimana faham ini - kau terserap dalam karakternya. 

Kau faham dia macam mana, adalah 

apabila dia marah - kau merasa sakit dihatinya yang membuat dia marah. 

apabila dia sedih - kau turut merasa gusar dan mengerti mengapa perkara 

itu membuat dia sedih dan 

apabila dia gembira - kau tidak merasa hasad, kerana kau tahu, apa yang kau mahu - adalah dia bahagia. 

sebab itu, 

bila kita hanya tahu dan bukan faham - lebih baik diam. 

kerana kita tak tahu, berapa dalam luka yang kita bagi, 

hanya kerana kita pura-pura faham. 

dan untuk aku, 

aku mohon kalian mengerti. 

awal lagi dah aku khabr, aku ini sukar dimengerti, 

tolong jangan tambah sulit keadaan ini, 

bila aku kata jangan -- jangan. 

untuk sekali, tolong memahami, jika aku kata 'berhenti' 

dan aku ini, 
jenis yang tak mampu nak baca orang, 
kalau kau tak cakap -- aku tak faham. 
aku cuma nampak apa yang aku nampak. 
dan dengar apa yang aku dengar. 
aku ini, macam tu. 
sebab tu, kalau kau terasa hati dengan aku -- cakap.  

kenapa aku macam ni? ada sebabnya. 
sebab yang aku tak boleh bagitahu. 
dan aku takkan nak ubah prinsip aku
semata mata bila kau kata -- kau tak suka.
sebab untuk aku, kau takkan sampai tahap istimewa,
untuk aku terinspirasi ubah cara. 

dan terpaling maaf aku mohon, dari hujung kepala hingga ke kaki.
Jika ada lagi perkataan aku, yang menggores mencalarkan hati -- maaf. 

When you know someone, 

how much things about them that you know, 

which makes you confidently claim that you know them?

To what extent you should go to say that you know them?

How many years would you take?

Or, maybe - you never know them.

Or, maybe - it's only you who think that you know them.

Maybe, it's your ego to feel that you know everything

Maybe, it's your selfishness that make you want to feel like 

you know everything, you control everything and etc. 

How do you feel when someone tell you 

that they know you while you feel like they don't?

It's annoying and irritating. *sorry for bolding the truth*

It really feel that way! and I don't like it. 

Bila kita kata "kita tahu" tentang sesuatu, ada tiga perkara kita perlu tahu beza. Samada apa yang kita tahu itu berdasarkan (1) firasat, (2) bukti atau (3) sekadar menghukum semata-mata. 

Firasat - semua orang ada that one guts kan especially perempuan. Bila ada rasa tak sedap hati, mesti ada benda buruk yang akan jadi or maybe when we meet someone for the first time, kita macam agak-agak yang budak ni baik, budak tu tak berapa baik, budak ni macam tu, budak tu macam ni. But then again, we didn't need to say it out loud. Boleh jadi firasat kita salah. Boleh jadi itu cuma bisikan syaitan semata untuk buat kita prasangka, So please, jaga-jaga. 

Bukti - ini je satu-satu yang paling tak salah. Kalau apa yang kau tahu berdasarkan bukti, pergilah serata dunia, nak hebahkan pun tak apa. sebab kau dah ada bukti. 

Judging - Ini yang paling aku tak suka. Tanpa kenal, kau dah mengata. Kata dia tak baik sangatlah dan jangan percaya. Habis yang kau tengah mengata orang tu, baik sangat dah? 

If only they talked about what they feel

 

She seem so cold and fearless. 

So bold and defensive. 

So strong no one can defeat.

but no, she's not what it seems.

 

She's fragile and brittle. 

 

To a thing called loved, 

one should feel cherish but not to her. 

She was so scared that she hide. 

It was love that she fear, 

which make she put up the defenses. 

The wall was build up high. 

And to a thing called loved, 

she never believe it was destined in her fate. 

so, she keep denying the feeling 

she had in her heart.

He's one kind of boy with a lovely smile. 

Friendly yet know when to set out the border. 

He's calm.

Looking at his eyes, was like looking at the sky. 

To a thing called love, 

He believe it exist. 

To a thing called love, 

He believe he just need to show it without 

any interpretation of words. 

He think he had showed it enough. 

She think that love will never show up. 

He think that girl never understand. 

She think that the boy never certain. 

He think they must not meant to be together. 

She think they must not meant to be together. 

-farhannakarim

 

 

"Their love was strong, but the timing was wrong, so fate decide they do not belong" 

-

Doing Professional Services at IIIP Unit

On July 28,
I woke up early and get on my uniform early.
I want to do some revision at library and then straightly go to Big Apple after that.
In library, I receive call from Nisa and she asked me if I want to join her to work
under IIIP Unit?

"It was interesting" I said, not expecting that the meeting on that project will start
as soon as we say yes to receive the job offer.

It was 10.00am and a meeting will be held at 12.30pm.
I don't have much time to consider this offer.
I am already in my Big Apple's uniform at that moment. I took a deep breath.
And I decide to go with this project, however I feel guilty towards Kak Sya
and decide to meet her personally.

I do not want to quit through phone call as I believe,
I came in asking her for job vacancy in proper way,
then if I want to leave - i should do it properly, by meeting her.

So I went to Big Apple - meeting Kak Sya.
I say sorry.
She said it's okay and she know she can't force me to stay.
However, she can't claim the payment for those days I've worked.
Because the payment will be paid as per I said.
I told her that I will work for one month, but I quit after first week.
Of course I feel disappointed. And rugi also.

Then I came up with the idea of coming back to Big Apple after the project has done.
And Kak Sya said, that will be okay and I can claim the payment.
Pft, so much relieve to hear that.

And then, my life at IIIP started.
Meeting will be held every two days.
I don't have so many work to do.
All the tasks given have been finished early.
And currently got nothing better to do, that;s why I actively updating my blog and put this post up.

Get me.

Ok, bye!!

Part Timer at Big Apple.

In Big Apple stores, they divide the team into three.
1. Frontline - the one who will service the customer.
2. Topping - the one who decorate the doughnuts.
3. Production - the one who knead doughnuts.

My super kind supervisor, Kak Sya assign me in frontline.
So I did service the customer and I quite nervous on my first day.
I learn how to open the box like a pro,
I learn how to give good offer to customers and also
how to punch money at cashier.

Kak Sya did teach me how to do closing.
I need to count everything (like yeah everything one by one - everyday)
It's quite tiring at night because I need to close and I do the dishes.
I wash those 18 trays which cost RM300 each,
so can you imagine how much it weight?
Every night I suffer for back pain and what worse is,
I can't fall asleep even when I am that exhausted already!

All co-workers are good too.
Abrar is a part timer too, from UPM.
Currently enjoying his sem-break.
He know one of my ex-classmate from smkda.
Meor taking architecture studies.
He quit on July 27 to work at somewhere related to his field.

The rest are from Nepal. I don't really know how spell their name.
But they are all kind. They always forced** me to eat doughnuts.
Penat-aku-tahan-nafsu0kau-boleh-suruh-suruh-pulak-takkan-nak-tolak-rezeki-pulak,
lol, I fight with that almost everyday!!

However, things happened beyond our expectation.
IIIP Unit in Mimet need help from few students,
to work on their project together with Vale.
I do not feel like being forced to do it, but I feel guilty towards Kak Sya
because I know how much she is in need of employees right now.
But on the other side, I also think that this is my chance to get some rest.
You know, I am not cheating to do that work -- it just (yes I am really tired that my body sore) TT

I am taking leave for two weeks (the project was expected to end within 2 weeks),
and I am thinking of continue to work at Big Apple after that
until 20 August (as I've promised to Kak Sya), because otherwise I'll not get to claim
my payments for those days I've worked at Big Apple and so far it has cost RM500.

So, currently I am working under IIIP unit (called as tripple IP).
The event will be held at Pangkor on August 13.
I want to have some fun -yeayyyy!! 

Short Semester.

source: google

I am taking short semester for certain reason,
to settle proposals for upcoming event in Mimet,
to re-organize src thingy,
to look for new students intake,
to improving my so-bad-i-tak-sanggup-tengok cgpa. c(=

I actually apply for three subjects,
but they only approved to take one subjects,
itupun that subject wasn't on my request list.
so, there's no function asking what I want when
they already decide what they 'think' the best for me.
*hergh

But it's okay.
I can still smile, brightly and widely.

Integrated Marine Pollution Control
Class: Monday and Wednesday only
Seems like I have the whole weeks for me yarr,
for eating and hibernating. Hahaa

That's why.
I looked for part time job and
this is a hide away secret from my parents.
I am a dead meat if my dad know this.

I know he won't allow me,
but I just want to experience it once.
I want to feel, how does it feel to earn money
with your own effort and capability.

so, I decide to work at Big Apple (outlet Aeon Manjung)

Part Timer at Big Apple.

Currently I am taking short semester. 

I actually apply for 3 subjects with total 9 credit hours.

However, only 1 that they approved and the subject was not on my request list.*ergh. 

I feel like what-is-the-function-you-ask-what-subject-i-want-to-take then?

Integrated Marine Pollution Control. 

Class: Monday & Wednesday 

And I have like a whole week to spend -- in my room. 

eating and hibernating. 

 That's why I made a decision to work as part timer, 

at least I could get some pocket money. 

I know ayah won't allow it if I tell him, so I didn't. 

I just gamble and everyday I pray that Allah will help to hide this secret away 

from my dad until I am ready to tell him by myself. 

But I did tell Kak Farah and Nuar, so if anything happen, they will know. 

Of course they get mad (Kak Farah la), but that's because she worried about me 

and because I didn't tell my parents about that, but she can 

understand my reason and that's all I need. 

So, working at Big Apple was fun. 

I was supervised by Kak Sya and she's really kind and very helpful. 

She trained me and every questions I asked, she answer patiently. 

They only had 4 malay employees and the rest were from Nepal, but they're good and kind too. 

Working at Big Apple store isn't very challenging as people said (at Manjung outlet la), 

because they weren't have so many people coming and bought doughnuts.

Maybe Big Apple aren't famous in here. 

But, it was tiring working there because I'm tired waiting for customers who isn't coming. 

I got so stressed with that because I keep eating the wasted doughnuts. Hehee

My shift started at 2pm and end at 11pm. 

The route from Aeon Manjung to Mimet is dark at night and sometimes creepy. 

I know it's dangerous for me to be alone at night (that's why I didn't tell ayah), but I wanna try. 

I've worked for five days and now I'm taking leave. 

Erm, about two weeks leave w/out payment. 

I got instruction to work under IIIP unit in UniKL for FEEP project with Vale. 

I don't know how much they will pay me, but just to let them know

that for quitting from Big Apple that sudden without notice,

I've lost my RM500 worth of pays. 

The project

 

 

I need to be happy.
Even without you here.
I need to be happy.
I can't let it shown to people.
I need to be strong.
No matter what.

Just then, you promise that you will come back.

- pieces of #novelterbaikbagimu

Just finish test ocean. Soalan as expected, from tutorial question. Tapi tak boleh nak happy sangat sebab I don't know how is their marking scheme. So lets hope and pray for the best.

Aril is commenting on my fashion. He asked me to watch you tube and search about fashion. Daaaaaaa.. (Mata keatas, tangan letak dibahu) macam I kisah ualls. Haha!

I have stop in pleasing people. I know, aril just give his opinion and as a friend, he has the right to give me the advise. One day, when I looked back, maybe I will regret this, but for now - I didn't need anyone's approval. Cukup dengan taat perintah Allah. Cover what should be covered and have fun with your life.

Fashion is wide. And to be unfashionable is fashion. Haha

Aku pernah,
Mempersoal mereka yang menentang.
Aku pernah mempersoal mereka yang asyik menolak aku kebelakang.
Aku mempersoal kerana aku tidak setuju diri aku dipinggirkan.
Tapi kini tak lagi

Aku mula belajar, mana tempat aki berdiri.
Aku mula tahu bahawa tak semua tempat, aku ini diingini.
Sebab tu aku lebih selesa sendiri.

9th Anniversary

Alhamdulillah and yeay, it has been nine years since I started to blog. 

This is my second account after the last one which-I-have-forget-the-password-already-and-cannot-retrieved-back. *sobs* so sad.

To be honest, I've been love writing since I was a kid. I am the only one in family who have diary. I love writing and maybe because there are some words I failed to express, so  I just write it down. Because I love to write secrets in my diary, I was a dead meat once when my dad read it (owh yeah, he shouldn't read it but hey, who does not curious on what your kids thinking of you kan?

And I cherish the moments I blogging throughout this nine years and insyaAllah to the next years onward. One of the reason I started to blog is to improve my writing skills, my grammar and my english vocab. I can see how much I've improved since then. And actually there are around thousands posts I've revert to draft due to serious-la-aku-yang-tulis-this-kind-of-stupid-posts kind of feeling. c(=

And today, I'm scrolling down to the old posts (it was saved as drafted), and I think I much more mature in 2014, and I don't know when I start to become childish again. *ergh* But that does not matter, what is more important right now, I wish everyone happy day and yeah happy August as well. 

#5

Why blame others when people you love left you behind
Why blame others when you felt ignored
Why blame others when people no longer want to stick with you?
Is it true that someone talk bad about you,
which "you believe" it as the main reason why people stay away from you.
\
Why don't we try to look at ourselves.
Thinking what we have done all of this time.

Don't simply blame people even if you get hurts
because as you think they are not in your shoes - same goes to you/
you are not in her shoes.
so please be kind, mature and honest.

Don't simply judge two people who is arguing.
We never know their complete story, so who are we
to say she like this and she like that.
and who are we to define she is good and she is bad?

Learn to hear from both side.
even each paper have two side.

Yay

Biar dalam diam, ikhlas dengan penuh kesederhanaan :) 

Grateful,

what about falling down,

we can always stand up again.

look at the sky and you can see it smile to me,

Look at the sky and I am still live on.

For someone to tell you a story,

For someone to have courage to tell the story,

She has at least cry one litre of tears.

for what you have now - appreciate

For those who love you - love them back

and for every little things, Thank you Allah because for such a bad servant like me, you have give me lot yet I'm still being ungrateful.

#4

Lupakan sekejap dendam dan amarahmu, aku teringin kita seperti dulu.

Aku mahu pandangan yang sama dan aku mahu senyuman yang sama.

I know you must think that I am selfish, but this is what I want.

kalau pun rasa itu bukan untuk kau, tapi tak salah kan kalau jadi kawan?

rasa tu bukan milik kau bukan kerana kau tak sempurna,

tapi because you deserve better.

 

#3

Adil.

Aku tak tahu apa bentuknya adil tapi aku tahu mereka dah cuba.

Cuba dengan sungguh-sungguh malah sehabis daya.

Aku tak tahu apa itu adil tapi apa yang bagi kau hak untuk kata kata mereka.

Titik peluh mereka. 

Jerih payah mereka - kau tak pernah nampak. 

Ini bukan satu usaha untuk saja saja mereka julang nama. 

Ini satu usaha untuk kita semua. 

Semua tu termasuk kau, aku dan kita

Jadi dimana letak pilih kasihnya? - tak ada. 

Kita tak mungkin punya segalanya. 

Kita tak mungkin menang dalam segalanya. 

Tapi, kita cuba, 

cuba cubalah bagi ruang untuk terima apa yang ada pada kita. 

Kau ada rasa?

Aku tahu kau ada rasa.

Marah, geram, benci, sakit hati - semua ada. Itu aku faham. Aku kan manusia.

Tapi, jangan hanya fikir rasa kita. 

Hormat hormatlah yang lain - aku, kau dan kita semua manusia. 

Aku saksi penat lelah mereka, tak kan aku mahu duduk duduk saja. 

Sabr

Sesungguhnya Allah bersama orang orang yang sabar

Untuk faham agama, aku terus pasak kaki agar aku terus teguh berdiri.

Tapi untuk lari dari rasa, aku tak terasa mampu.

Tapi aku tahu, ganjaran Allah dihujungnya pasti manis.

"dan sungguh, yang kemudian itu lebih baik bagimu dari permulaan"

[surah ad-dhuha 93:4]

#1

Recently I am being too sensitive 

and even though I know 

this is not the way I should react 

but I also cannot deny that it hurts

 inside me. 

Do you?

When I am being asked if I believed in love, my answer is yes

without hesitation, 

But I did not count myself as a participant.

i thought of it as the chemical reaction it was,

and saw myself not as part of the equation but as the by-product

you sometimes find after combustion. 

You can say you love someone very much but the question is how much?

Let's Mengislahkan Diri

Ada masa jiwa kita rasa kosong tapi berat. 

Ada masa kita rasa sunyi dalam hiruk pikuk manusia. 

Ada masa kita rasa hilang sedang semuanya ada depan mata. 

Ada masa kita rasa tertekan sedang tiada sebab yang terzahir.

Ada masa kita rasa seakan ada satu bebanan yang sangat berat terpaksa dipikul bahu.

Ada masa kita seakan mahu putus asa dengan segala usaha.

Ada masa kita tak tahu tujuan kita apa.

Ada masa kita tak tahu pun siapa kita. 

dan untuk setiap manusia yang melalui 'masa masa' ini, aku hanya ada satu penawar. 

back to Allah

stress? check balik hubungan kita dengan Allah. 

Bila kita rasa berat di jiwa, cari Allah.

kenal Allah dengan asma nya, 

berkata dengan Allah melalui kitab Al-quran 

Aku pemberi pesan bukan kerana aku sudah sempurna, tapi kerana aku baru saja melalui fasa itu. Aku cuba membuktikan tekanan ini akan reda jika aku mendengar lagu lagu yang memberi makanan pada rohani. aku cuba menjerit sekuat hati. aku cuba berlari, mengerjakan otot otot semaksima mungkin. Aku dodoikan diriku dengan lagu lagu tapi hasilnya I have got nothing. 

Tertekan itu lumrah, tapi adakah dengan makian tekanan itu akan berkurang? Tidak.

lalu adakah dengan melempiaskan marah pada yang tak bersalah? Tidak. 

Adukan pada Allah. Sungguh dia Maha Mendengar. 

Belajar syukur, sayang sekalian.

Bila bahagia seronok itu ditarik, baru tersentap. Baru tersedar, sebelum ni terlupa syukur untuk dilafazkan. 

Macam air yang selalu mengalir, terlupa suatu hari nanti ia akan kering tiada mengalir. 

Macam bahagia hari hari sebelum ini, terlupa kita hidup dibumi untuk diuji sebagai hamba Illahi. 

Tak semua yg kita mahukan akan jadi milik kita. Bukan semua yang apa yang kita inginkan tu hak mutlak kita. 

Kadang kadang yang cantik milik dia, yang indah tu milik mereka. 

Belajarlah untuk bersyukur apa yang Allah sedang pinjamkan.

Belajar menerima apa yang telah kita punya. 

Belajar redha dan tawakkal atas apa yang kita impikan tetapi bukan selamanya milik kita. 

Sekurang-kurangnya kita berkesempatan mempelajari nilai kebergantungan hakiki hanya pada Dia 

The Wall that Saved me

"We are the ones who build our walls

and we can also rip them down.

Maybe that's what we should do 

if we wanna make ourselves happy" 

But behind that wall - 

I found my strength. 

It was behind that wall - 

where I feel happy. 

so, basically. 

It was the wall, 

that saved me,

Rahsia.

"Bukan saja saja nak marah, 

Bukan saja saja kata tak suka, 

ada sebabnya kenapa dan mengapa. 

Bukan tak nak bagitahu, 

tapi tak semua rahsia aku, kau boleh tahu. 

Dan sebab itu -- maaf. 

Kalau kau tak dapat faham aku"

 - farhannakarim 

Mungkin lewat puisi kau boleh faham. Aku ini jenis orang yang memang sukar difaham. Bukan saja-saja mahu jadi macam tu, kadang aku sendiri pun keliru, dengan aku. Aku faham diri aku. Aku faham, aku jenis yang sukar difaham. Setiap hari, adalah hari baru untuk aku. Setiap hari aku ini - ada saja yang tak tentu. Boleh jadi, semalam aku suka makan kari, hari ini aku benci. Boleh jadi, semalam aku suka gurau gurau, hari ini muram. Sebab tu, awal dulu aku pesan. Kalau kau boleh tahan - stay. Sebab aku perlu teman. Dan bila kau rasa tak boleh - pergi. Sebab aku tak nak buat orang lain terasa hati. 

Tiada benci setanding kasih

Aku rasa dunia kejam dan kekejaman itu diwujudkan oleh manusia sendiri. Kita yang menghancurkan bumi yang patutnya kita tadbir. Pesalahnya kita, tapi marahnya pada orang lain. Apa adil? Dalam kekejaman yang buat kita rasa teraniaya, ada satu hal yang kadang kita lupa, rasa kasih yang mengatasi segalanya. Sejahat manapun satu manusia, pasti ada sedikit rasa mahu jadi baik. Macam kita - kitalah. Bukannya baik sangat pun. Setiap hari, sering saja melakukan khilaf dan salah, tapi 'mahu jadi baik' itu ada. Misalnya, aku rasa, satu hari nanti, aku mahu solat penuh, aku mahu lancar ngaji, aku mahu pakai tudung labuh, aku mahu itu dan ini . Meski hanya sekadar niat, namun percayalah jika terdetik hati kita untuk melakukan kebaikan, pasti Allah akan jentikkan hidayah kedalam diri kita, untuk kita diakhirnya melangkah kepada Dia. Sungguh, cara Allah menyantun hamba-hamba-Nya sangat cantik sekali.