Dear Harry,
I have feeling towards you,
and what kind feeling is it,
is still undescribable and unexplainable.
is still undescribable and unexplainable.
I like you because of you,
and I feel comfortable being your friend.
I thought to save our friendship, I shall
ignore my feeling because I honestly,
do not want losing you, as my friend.
That is why,
I act like I don't care.
I am a bit rough when I speak to you.
Not because I hate you but because it
was my self defenses.
I need to put it up, or else you need to face
a 'me' who have feeling towards you.
That's why,
every time I feel like having text with you so much
and you shortly reply, I abruptly stop messaging you
unless you start first.
Because I don't want you think that I want to cling with you,
(even I really want to).
I scared that you will start distance yourself when you think
that I have feeling towards you, because I know that you'll
not like it that way, because you already have someone in
your heart, that is why -
I didn't contact you if you didn't contact me first.
I didn't like your post, images etc.
I didn't whatsapp you though I check your profile
everyday, just to see whether you online or not.
but
I will always lose with a battle I set for myself.
I usually will set up one month for not contacting you
since our last conversation,
but last time, I lose when we eventually met at your restaurant.
I seriously think that you are not in JB, that is why I go there.
but this time I win.
the last conversation is about 11 July,
and yesterday, I'm officially win.
Yesterday, I was a bit depressed (the whole week, feel like so depressing) , so I sleep early.
owh, before that, I've updated my status at facebook, saying that "internship is tough, but i'm tougher"
I continuously motivate myself, I need that, so I need to compliment myself better.
This week was very hectic. I need to cover Yvonn's work and face Amy who didn't like the way Yvonne teach me, and I start to feel like stupid ass. *urgh
Plus, my table mate beside me was making a scene with. Last time I asked her to put down my picture that she just uploaded at instagram because people can see my lengan (my fault sebab tak pakai hand sock) that is why I request her that favor, but she's not talking to me the next day. I try to talk to her like usual, but she seem unfriendly, so I keep my mouth shut, do not want to bother her, but now it has been few days and she still didn't want to talk with me. So I let her be, if she mad at me because I need to cover my aurah, then it means that she not respect me as her friends, so I take my decision, to let her be. I have greet her first and my responsibility has been carried out. What ever she think of me, that wouldn't matter because I never matter in her life pun, so why should I care so much. But I love that ukhti so much, it just she love me lesser.
*cut
back to my story,
I charged my phone and turn my cell off.
I do not want any disturbance from notifications.
so, this morning, I wake up by checking my phone first.
I received so much notification from facebook, friends are liking my post and so far, that was among the highest, but what shocking me is, Harry who never like or comment in any of my status, has liked and even commenting on my status.
"hello, apa cerita sekarang"
"anyway, kau tukar no ke?"
why asking that publicly? he never acted that way. I am worried and happy at the same time.
I replied to his comment right away, not even think for a second. I looked at the time he commented was on 11 August 2015, 11pm.
What to do? How should I feel? when I feel like I got rejected by the same person?
He then said that he have something to say, but I wasn't reply, that's why he asked whether I've changed my phone number. Of course it was like that, takkanlah he will stalk me like I stalk him kan. I asked about the things he need to say but currently he is not in mood to have any conversation, he also was watching you tube, so I understand that he doesn't want to talk to me right now.
(rejected again)
dia memang suka buat aku rasa like I got rejected, but then he will come again to waver my heart.
Why he's being like that? I don't know why, but with this one, I keep falling every time our eyes meet.
I have noticed him since the day of orientation. I wasn't have any feeling towards him back then, knowing my friend who like him, I wasn't think that he will become someone important for me. But, as far as I remember, we keep bump into each other, we greet each other with a smile, we noticed each other existence. Until March 2014, I feel like, something is lingering in my heart about him. Something I can't say yet I can feel, and now I am certain to say, at that very moment, my eyes was keep watching him and my heart keep saying his name. And as Allah's plan, we eventually become friend to each other. And I let him in, to my life with peace and blooming happiness.
I still remember, asking him '"when you noticed me for the first time",
"on the day of orientation la" he replied. And that answer really made my day. People say, when that feeling stay in your heart for 7 months and longer, then it means 'something'. As I keep count, it has been 1 year and 5 months for this nameless bond.