Pagi tadi terjaga awal. 

Selalu mama yang akan kejut, 

tapi aku faham - mama penat. 

Sending off your mother for one last time 

is hard for everyone. 

So, I didn't knock mama's door. 

But not long after, mama woke up. 

Finding me at hall, mama asked, "why you didn't woke me up?" 

I smiled. 

Around 6.15am, I told her that 

I need to depart now, or else 

I couldn't make to arrived at JB in 2 and half hours. 

Baby got exam today. 

She has missed two papers yesterday, 

(grandma's death) 

We came back home from grandma's place quite late. 

She didn't even have time to study. 

I know she's tired too. 

So, what ever her result would be this time, 

I believe she will be forgiven for it. 

Kimi had really high fever. 

His gegendang telinga retak, 

regarding to Doc Kevin's advisse.  

When people fall sick, they easily got mad. 

So does he. 

I do feel pity for him but what could I do. 

I pray to Allah that he will recover very soon. 

Ayah and Kak Farah too, must be really tired. 

They didn't send me off really well today. 

Not like usual. 

But ayah, he still pull himself together and come out.

Looking at me from the door. Not even waving. 

Just sending me off with his eyes. 

I love him, so much. 

I don't know why I write this. 

All in all, I just feel so sad yet so relieve. 

but when I arrived at office, suddenly I feel so stressed. 

I really want to get mad at someone. 

Ha, forget to tell. 

On my way to JB, I stopped at R&R Machap. 

Because I feel so sleepy. 

I could't drive with closed I, can I? :p 

Because of that, 

I arrived a bit late. 8:56am (around that time la). 

okay back to the story, 

I feel so angry. 

Fara asked me so nicely, "am I okay" 

I showed her sign okay with my fingers. 

She also asked me what to eat today, 

I tell her, "I don't know" 

Usually we will order something at JB Home Food Delivery 

to deliver lunch box to our office. 

I got so much pain in my head. 

I think masuk angin. 

I feel like my head gonna burst and my brain will scattered. 

So I tell her that I wanna go back home. 

I feel guilty at some point. 

Because I'm leaving her - and not even care what she will have for lunch. 

I grab my car key and drive back home. 

As I open my room's door, I lay down. 

I woke up after hearing azan zuhr. 

Am very lucky for renting at an apartment near masjid. 

But that is it, my pain does not really go away anyway. 

Going back to office at 2pm. 

Fara wasn't at her desk.

Her car was not in the park to. 

Idk where she goes. 

and I didn't ask when she arrive. 

We do our own works - not speaking, joking like yesterdaysss. 

I know I shouldn't get overwhelmed too much with my own unstable emotion. 

Around 5pm, I google chat her. 

Say something silly like usual. 

Haha. 

Then, here comes back the laugh I actually missed. 

We decide what we will have for our lunch box tomorrow. 

So I am looking forward a better day tomorrow. 

Till here. 

I really missed my parents and siblings right now. Feeling so homesick. 

Life is Short

Hajah Senipah Taat.
(1935-2015)

"And to Him we shall return"

Alhamdulillah, urusan pengebumian jenazah nenda tersayang sudah selesai.

Alhamdulillah, urusannya dan urusan kami dipermudah.

Makwek (gelaran untuk seorang nenek,- orang jawa)
Dia seorang yang tidak suka menyusahkan orang. Sakit mana pun dia, tak pernah dia mengeluh dN mengadu pada anak cucu. Bibirnya sentias basah dengan zikir memuji kebesaran Pencipta-Nya. Allah - lah tempat bergantung baginya satu satunya.

Sehingga ke akhir hayatnya, selagi mampu dia buat sendiri, dia akan buat. Tak pernah dia menyuruh nyuruh orang itu dan ini..

Dan jika tiada nasihat yang ingin diperkatakan, dia lebih banyak diam dan melihat saja cucu cucunya bermain.

Makwek tak banyak kisah hal orang. Bukan tak banyak, tapi memang tak kisah dengan hal orang.
Baginya adalah Tuhan dan keluarga tercinta.
Dia seorang isteri yang setia, seorang ibu yang sabar.

Dan seorang manusia yang paling tak pernah mengeluh dengan hidupnya, dukanya, sedihnya, sakitnya. Kerana dia, sentiasa menerima dan bersyukur apa adanya. Kerana baginya , semua itu adalah anugerah, rahmat dan nikmat dari Allah.

Al-Fatihah.

A Night Out

I worked over time today *internship life* , so I believe I deserve something special.

With that believe, I went out and give what me myself wanted.

I do not always pampered myself like this :p 

I went to Aeon Bukit Indah to get myself a tre cup of Green Tea Frape at J.Coffee 

Last year, someday in this holy month, ramadhan was the last time 

I went to J.Co with a bunch of great people for iftar and yeah coming back here has brought up the memories :)

Nah, some picture for me to enjoy in the future. 

It was nice actually, having some things that never change. Because you will always feel like you come back home again.

Whatever you say I am, today I am a bit obsess with my own self. 

:p

Cheesy Dips Recipe

Baked Fontina Garlic Cheese Dip

BAKED FONTINA

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 6 minutes

Total Time: 11 minutes

Yield: 10-12 appetizer servings

Be sure you use Italian fontina in this recipe. Danish fontina will not melt properly. If you absolutely can't find Italian fontina, brie (with the rind removed) will also work great here.

INGREDIENTS

• 1 1/2 lbs Italian fontina, rind removed and cubed into 1-inch pieces
• 6 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
• 1 tbsp fresh thyme, chopped
• 1 tsp fresh rosemary, chopped
• 3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
• 1/2 tsp Kosher salt
• 1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper
• 
  

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Adjust top rack of the oven so that it sits about 5 inches under the broiler unit. Preheat broiler.
2. Spread cheese out in the bottom of a 12-inch cast iron pan. Drizzle olive oil over the cheese. Mix together the garlic and herbs in a small bowl and sprinkle the mixture evenly over the cheese. Sprinkle salt and pepper over the top of the cheese.
3. Bake for 6 minutes, until the cheese is bubbly and melted through. Carefully remove the pan from the oven and set it on a heatproof surface - the pan will be hot! Serve immediately.

That Old Friend I Missed

"I swear by the time, most men are in lost"

[103:1-2]

Time is the only thing that you can't tebus balik no matter of what you do. 

Watching and reading Harry Potter, you never know how much I want the clock given to Hermoine by Dumbledore. I have always want to travel back to times when I think I could do things right from the start. 

I always want to once again become 5 y/o Farhana with amount of knowledge that I have now. 

Funny right :p 

You might think I am crazy but, yah it's true that I ever had that will-never-happen kind of thought. 

wewee *angkat kening double jerk

Okay, done with it! 

As time passed a lot of things including your life, your colleagues, your status, your everything la  have changed (both to good or to bad - you decide!) 

"Nothing is permanent" 

"Not everyone would stay beside you forever" 

Yeah, I know all the facts and in fact I understand it well (I say), but somehow I still felt very offended with some of my friends. They are changed too much. They are being so different, and the looks in their eyes are not same anymore. The sincerity in friendship that I once felt was no longer exist. 

Back then, I could proudly tell that they are my friends. 

But today, I don't even dare to think that they are my friends because when people 

ask them, what is our relationship (as I seem to know my friends very well), their reaction will be like erm, she's just someone I know from my college and I met her because she's my classmate. 

You might say, I am thinking too much but serious talk - I am not!

This time. 

I am done with those friendship people offer. 

Because when I am being too accessible. 

They also easily walked away. 

I no longer have energy for meaningless friendship, force interaction or unnecessary conversation. Till our eyes meet again, do well in your life, okay? 

The Me who trying to survive :p

Lately I have been haunted by this one thing in my mind. 

I keep thinking about it and honestly, it sucks. 

I feel like it has took my entire life and sometimes I am being so gloomy. 

I hate being gloomy and I hate not being energetic for most. 

Apparently I know what was that thing actually, but to share with all - nayyyy,*fingers at your face* I don't think so. 

I'm not being secretive but telling people will only make me 

laugh at myself and feel ashamed at the same time. 

*Urghh* I don't like being in this state either.

Because I was gloomy, I tend to lose all the motivation to do works and recently when my supervisor give me task, I was complaining and refusing to do the task (not really refusing, but I am doing it without putting my heart in it) . When I am think about it again, I should not do that as I am just an internship student. I should take and accept the task as they would mark me, and of course I want to score high. Plus, the task is not something that I cannot do or out of my work's scope. 

I just do the task *cincai cincai* which so not like me. and when it comes to the time I realise thing. I start thinking - what if this company is my company? would I let this kind of person stay in my company? No. of course I will not kan, ! 

I come to realise that no matter what ever happen inside you, never put down your commitment on works. You must carry it out with full of responsibilities. It may be hard to control your heart and behaviour at times but we must believe that our mind is great. 

Urgghhh, it's hard tho. But that is what matter most, we must be strong and solid enough to defeat our old-bad-not-good-self. 

"Never hand in work that you won't be proud of " 

Lastly, that is all about. No matter how hard life hits you, always make a good story out of it. Cehh, sounds familiar right? 

If you do it right when you are not fully in your good situation and condition, you are great. Because your works is something that will contribute in you future, so don't take it too lightly and start to take it seriously. 

For now, stay motivated. 

It has been long since I last contact with my friends

from NMIT. 

The best memories created during our days is in ISV. 

I still can feel, how warm our friendship are. 

and guess what, I can still remember your smile 

when we all spend time together. 

I still can remember your smile.

I still can feel the sincerity when we talked or having 

conversation. 

I still remember, how safe I feel when you hug me into your arm. 

and of course, I remember, that feeling when 

you guys are willing to fight for each other. 

but day by day, 

those kind friendship is fading away. 

I don't know when we start to be cold to each other. 

I don't remember when we start to feel uncomfortable 

and secretly wishing not to see each other face. 

Honestly, I don't know.

And now, 

after what had happened, I feel disappointed. 

Not because of our fights and arguments, but the 

fact that we cut our ties just because of that arguments.

I think, people like these are those who make me afraid.

Afraid of being nice and friendly to people or in right words,

afraid of making new friends.

because I know, the one who will ended getting hurt is none other 

but me. 

because when people easily cut ties, 

I will always try to hold onto it. Just like a rope. 

I hope, if my friends are reading this, 

I just want to let them know that I was happy spending time with them. 

Never once I regret of knowing them and the most important thing is that

I always pray to Allah and secretly wishing that my friends and I could 

find our way back. 

I know if they are reading this, they will laugh saying that it was 

impossible. 

But somehow, I just gonna believe that it will happen, someday.

because I believe, as time passed, wounds will heal. 

Even it take years, I will wait.

I pray to Allah, that all of us will be happy here after.

I pray to Allah, that we will eventually re-unite in jannah.

Dear dearies, 

Heal that wounds quickly, 

don't easily forgetting memories we created. 

Friendship is like that, 

What happened to us?

It has been two months *roughly* 

since I last meet my friends. 

There are things that I regret not to do 

and there are some that I regret because I did. 

While sitting alone, 

I realize one thing. 

That I couldn't recall anyone 

who used to be my friends, 

because of what?

just because we are not as close as before 

and maybe will never come back to be close 

as before. 

Somehow I wonder, where all of this started. 

I wonder, what are we looking into a thing called 'friendship'

because I just get disappointed while looking at those friends

of mine. 

seeing how they define their friendship. 

I don't understand why, is it so easy for people 

to cut off ties with people. 

I don't understand why people cannot bear with his/her friends mistake's.