Pity My Heel

Assalammualaikum and I hope everyone gonna have a good and nice Monday.
Lot of us doesn't really like Monday but I love Monday damn much.

Because it is a new starter.
Because it was my Prophet Muhammad born day.
Because Monday is just same as another day.
It is ourself who make it special or otherwise.

Stability --
"stabil ke Rhan pakai heels" - Hakim

Of course he would ask me that because I never wear heels to college.
But, I can't hide this feeling. 
What word people nowdays use,  ha "menganjing"
He's doing that to me.

Kalau aku tak stabil, kalau aku jatuh aku akan bangun sendiri.
Selama ni kalau aku rebah pun,
Kaki aku yang papah badan sendiri untuk bangun kembali.
Aku dah lali dengan sakitnya jatuh.
InsyaAllah,  aku mampu berdiri jika kali ini aku jatuh lagi.

Pity My Heel

Assalammualaikum and I hope everyone gonna have a good and nice Monday.
Lot of us doesn't really like Monday but I love Monday damn much.

Because it is a new starter.
Because it was my Prophet Muhammad born day.
Because Monday is just same as another day.
It is ourself who make it special or otherwise.

Stability --
"stabil ke Rhan pakai heels" - Hakim

Of course he would ask me that because I never wear heels to college.
But, I can't hide this feeling. 
What word people nowdays use,  ha "menganjing"
He's doing that to me.

Kalau aku tak stabil, kalau aku jatuh aku akan bangun sendiri.
Selama ni kalau aku rebah pun,
Kaki aku yang papah badan sendiri untuk bangun kembali.
Aku dah lali dengan sakitnya jatuh.
InsyaAllah,  aku mampu berdiri jika kali ini aku jatuh lagi.

Pity my heel

Assalammualaikum and I hope everyone gonna have a good and nice Monday.
Lot of us doesn't really like Monday but I love Monday damn much.

Because it is a new starter.
Because it was my Prophet Muhammad born day.
Because Monday is just same as another day.
It is ourself who make it special or otherwise.

Stability --
"stabil ke Rhan pakai heels" - Hakim

Of course he would ask me that because I never wear heels to college.
But, I can't hide this feeling. 
What word people nowdays use,  ha "menganjing"
He's doing that to me.

Kalau aku tak stabil, kalau aku jatuh aku akan bangun sendiri.
Selama ni kalau aku rebah pun,
Kaki aku yang papah badan sendiri untuk bangun kembali.
Aku dah lali dengan sakitnya jatuh.
InsyaAllah,  aku mampu berdiri jika kali ini aku jatuh lagi.



 

Ataukah kamu mengira bahawa kamu akan masuk syurga, padahal belum dating kepadamu cubaan seperti yang dialami umat terdahulu sebelum kamu.

mereka ditimpa kemelaratan, penderitaan dan digoncang dengan pelbagai cubaan sehingga rasul dan orang-orang yang beriman berkata "bilakah datangnya pertolongan Allah?"

Ingatlah sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu dekat.

 

 

[Al-Baqarah 2:214]

OLOT

what about falling down,

we can always stand up again.

look at the sky and you can see it smile to me,

Look at the sky and I am still live on.

For someone to tell you a story,

For someone to have courage to tell the story,

She has at least cry one litre of tears.

for what you have now - appreciate

For those who love you - love them back

and for every little things, Thank you Allah because for such a bad servant like me, you have give me lot yet I'm still being ungrateful.

Untitled

Ada satu batas antara kita

Batas yang kau tak boleh langkah.

Yang aku tak bagi kau terjah.

Kau bukan antara yang tersenarai layak.

Tak mudah nak selam hati orang dalam dalam.

Jadi sebelum aku makin jauh, 

Jangan cuba cuba - nanti kau sakit.

Faham? 

Final Exam, day 1

success is the best revenge

I have give my best and I hope that the result would be great too. 

In order to survive this time, I need to ignore 

every single little things which could distract my focus. 

in order to survive. Just because I want to survive. 

I hope he's doing well 

........

the feeling of depression was gone along the heavy rain.

i miss the smell of rain, finally.

Action speak louder than words

couldn't load image

To ask forgiveness, we need courage 

To forgive people we need strength

am I brave enough?

am I strong enough?

This is my challenge =,= lets starts with giving each other some space 

we might not realise, but the atmosphere here is 

already different and somehow I just can feel it. 

If you get this message, you must know that I am talking to you 

kadang kadang ada benda kita tak boleh ceroboh, 

Biar dia kekal dalam gelap

Kadang kadang kita kena rasa jauh .

sebab ada ketika kehadiran kita bukan ada makna pada siapa-siapa

Kadang kadang kita kena sedar dan jangan bertindak

as bestfriend sebab kadang kadang dia anggap kita asing

Kadang kadang kita kena sedar yang kita sedang menyakiti dan disakiti 

ah! Merepek lagi

Maybe next time.

There are things, I can't tell. Not to anyone, not even I jot down in my journal.

There are things will make you puzzled. You may questions, why I need to be so secretive.

I can do nothing to stop your assumptions and guessing that cross in your mind. 

I am sorry for I couldn't be any help, but just to let you know, in case you need any help

which do not require me to be in any special position, InsyaAllah I'll be okay with it, 

p/s: This is a story of holding a post in Student Council, and who ever know me from before, 

they will know the story and why I say 'NO' 

Maybe next time.

There are things, I can't tell. Not to anyone, not even I jot down in my journal.

There are things will make you puzzled. You may questions, why I need to be so secretive.

I can do nothing to stop your assumptions and guessing that cross in your mind. 

I am sorry for I couldn't be any help, but just to let you know, in case you need any help

which do not require me to be in any special position, InsyaAllah I'll be okay with it, 

p/s: This is a story of holding a post in Student Council, and who ever know me from before, 

they will know the story and why I say 'NO' 

Yelling at someone in front of other is really 'biadap' 

on time

Time passes without warning

It leaves us without we notice

when we realise, everything was too late and everything is over. 

so don't waste your time. 

time that we will never get back 

#hsse class

. Ratu .

mereka itu pejuang dijalan Allah.
aku fikir, mereka pasti ahli syurga.
tapi kerja mereka asyik merasa terhina.
lalu bagaimana aku yang sungguh tiada dsya dn tak punya apapa

Tuhan, jagakan mereka.

Tuhan jagakan mereka.

Mereka itu kekasih ku.

kekasih yang tidak pernah menipu.

kekasih yang jujur apa adanya.

kekasih yang sederhana tapi istimewa.

Andai aku yang kau pilih untuk pergi dahulu

maka khabarkan pada mereka bahawa aku rindu.

khabarkan pada mereka bahawa aku sayang.

khabarkan pada mereka tentang rasa.

Aku tak pandai menzahirkan rasa.

Aku tak pandai melisankan kata.

tapi

pada masa yang sama aku mahu mereka tahu apa yang

bersarang dalam dada.

Ya Allah,

lindungilah mereka.

rahmatilah mereka.

redhailah mereka.

sungguh aku sayang mereka.

Ya Allah,

Andai aku yang kau pilih untuk pergi dahulu

jagakan mereka.

mereka kekasihku.

Ya Allah,

Andai aku yang KAU pilih untuk pergi dahulu

mohon matikanlah aku dalam dakapan mereka.

berikan kesempatan untuk aku peluk cium mereka dan

menerima peluk cium dari mereka.

seikhlas hati, aku mencintai mereka.

"Hari ini, titisan jernih itu mengalir kerana aku terlalu rindu. Aku rindu mama ayah, Aku rindu Kak Farah dan aku rindu adik-adikku. Dan jika hari ini hari terakhirku, aku mahu diberi kesempatan untuk berbicara dengan mereka. sungguh rasa bersalah penuh berkepuk dalam jiwa. Entah kenapa..."

khabarkan rindu ini Ya Allah...

Jika sempurna yang kau cari. Bukan aku.
Jika memujamu yang kau mahu. Bukan aku.
Jika kecantikan yang kau mahu. Bukan aku
Jika harum wangi yang kau mahu. Bukan aku

Aku tidak buka siapa aku pada mereka yang aku tidak selesa.
Aku tidak dedahkan aku pada mereka yang aku tiada kenal tanpa bual bicara.
Dengan masa, perlahan-lahan aku mendekati dan memahami.

Bila sudah lepas ketara siapa aku sebenarnya,
Bauku tidak seharum satsuma.
Rupaku kusam penuh dosa tiada seri.
Apapun yang mereka lihat tika itu pada diriku sudah tidak seperti diawal momen perkenalan.
Tidak lagi seperti imaginary mereka.

Selut duri pernah aku redah.
Aku tahu ada yang calar berdarah lebih parah daripada aku.
Fitrah manusia berdosa seperti aku merasa terseksa dengan dugaan yang mungkin pada kalian remeh saja.

Entahlah, bila bau busuk sudah kau bau.
Kau mula jauh melarikan diri.
Tika sineri ini berlaku, tanyakan pada hatimu, adakah kau sudah bersedia mencari rusukmu.
Bukan sekadar mencari, tapi lebih kepada menerima.
Kerana kahwin itu satu ikatan tersimpul mati yang tiada istilah cuba cuba
Dan
Tiada juga tempoh yang kau tahu panjangnya berapa lama.

You didn't tell me the truth.
Or maybe the truth is what you are showing to me right now?
I don't even know what's in.my mind.
But i also want to know what was in yours.
Salahkah

Fine.
Pergi saja as we know nothing's permanent. Here.
It just kalau benar kau ada rasa dan
Rasa terhadap aku itu ikhlas apa adanya, maka aku mohon, jangan kau outus asa.
Kelak satu hari nanti.
Jika ditakdirkan aku dan kau tanpa dia, maka aku akan terima dengan hati yang rela.

I'll always miss you

Assalammualaikum,

after last night punya mental break down because all those unclear reason, aku lari pergi bilik Fara.
i don't know what was in my mind but I know I must make a move.
dia pun baru je sudah solat maghrib and was listening to Quran mp3 at You Tube.

talk about this and that.
from A to the Z until we no realise what time was that.
but both of us tak rasa ngantuk, so after isyak at 12 midnight she came over my place.
LA Cofee.
memang tak tidur la kan.

entahlah ada je modal nak bercerita until Sara datang and we keep talking until I realise its already 6am.
Like, seriously??

unbelievable kan?

then, sara and Fara went to tunaikan solat Subuh.
they get me after that and bring me to the gym. yeah!!! exercise time. la sanghhattt

at least today is such a productive day. 

since the first day of sem 3 lagi I don't really me.
Faham tak?
it was like you are not you and the worst part is you are worst than your yesterday.
in term of my nasib, mark, result, friendship, love, body figure and all la.

entahlah,
sometimes when people look you at the top they will try their best to drag you to the bottom.
sumpah tak tipu.
rasa macam negative thinking je kan aku ni, but then that was what I feel and what I think!

since abang deana (nabil) dah enter NMIT, she seems so busy and
he's particularly deana's family and of course she should be with him dalam satu tempoh masa which
i don't really know how long?
but, apa kaitannya dengan Alin? owh..nabil's girlfriend.
talking about Alin make my darah cepat gila panas. I don't know why. macam ada chemical reaction pula between both of us.
maybe I je yang rasa. don't know.
abaikan jela story about Alin. she's nothing in my life pun-anyway. sebab she's not like what she said.

deana is judging.
and guess what I start judge dia pula.
I have no time to sulk or terikutkan sangat rasa offend tu because of her sebab after all I need to move on.
like deana ever said, people come and go and what I need to do is to let her go.
"bye bye deana...
thanks for being my friends and all"

seriously for friendship thingy- aku dah cukup malas.

right now, the most important thing to do is buang all the negativity and just mind my own business!!!

i hate this time

I want to write another poem. can I?
back then, the idea flows out without I am asking for it,
and now I need to push my brain hard. very hard.

this feeling is torturing me.

I hate this feeling. 

In my point of view, it was kind of mengada gila kot if you nak merajuk because of your friend can't bawa you out jumpa your bestfriend.

"you berkawan for benefit. kan?" kelakar lah you ni.

ini bukan zaman pemerintahan hiraki piramid.

macam-macamlah people these day. tak matang pun ye. tak belajar pun ye. hishh. nyampah!

kata mereka aku ustazah. mereka tak kenal aku siapa.

Alim.
Ustazah.

Layakkah aku?

sedangkan mereka tidak mengenali aku yang sebenarnya. ya, mereka tidak tahu.
Dari sudut apakah mereka melihat? dari segi pemakaian aku kah atau dari segi sikapku? percayalah bahawa sikapku belum pun terkeluar semua.

andai kata dilihat dan dihakimi dari segi pemakaian, 'lols' aku dilahirkan dalam keluarga yang menjaga pemaikaian anak perempuannya.
aku begitu kerana dibentuk.
membentuk aku dari segi fizikal agak mudah tetapi dari segi mentaliti tu agak payah sedikit.

jiwa ni macam nak mati. sakit. sesak.

Arghhh!

Kenapa?

Sakit. 

Aku tahan. 

Pedih. 

Aku tanggung. 

Luka. 

Aku terima. 

Katakan sahaja dan aku terima apa adanya. Tahu kenapa?

sebab aku tahu apa yang aku tinggalkan. 

sebab aku tahu apa yang aku ingkar. 

sebab aku tahu apa yang aku langgar. 

jika aku tahu, kenapa tidak aku baiki? 

sebab aku tak ketemu punca. 

sebab aku buntu. 

sebab aku rasa sesak.

sebab aku rasa berat, 

sebab aku rasa sempit. 

kenapa tak sujud pada DIA?

sebab..

entah aku tak punya jawapan.

I just notice that i easily hate people through their words.

"bagi orang lain peluang untuk buktikan yang mereka pun boleh buat. you interfere orang lain punya kerja and told them that they are not accomplished their task. Apa ni? You wanted people act the way you want them to act. don't you feel that you are a bit selfish? Its not likr you can understand one heart even you take years to know them.
Somethings just not as you thought. Who are you to define what one's think? You are not God so please  behave yourself. You just have no right to speak out on my behalf. I have my ovoice. I'll ise it if i want to tell you anything. No need to guess ir make.yoir own assumptions about me.

#out #off #exam #nomood #deep #break #lazy #intotwo 

Exam week,

a little words :)

aku tak macam mereka
mampu menginspirasikan orang dengan hanya kata-kata
tapi mereka tidak salah.
sebahagian daripada apa yang mereka katakan,
aku juga merasakan dan mengalaminya.
cuma aku bukan si pujangga yang bijak
menyusun kata- kata

selalu sahaja timbul rasa iri dalam jiwa
sebab tak mampu bermadah kata seperti mereka.
kata kata mereka bukan kata kata jiwang tak bermaka.
kata kata mereka bukan hanya kata kata kosong sepi dan tak terisi
tapi kata kata mereka ada sesuatu yang luar biasa.

mereka menginspirasi
mereka memotivasi
dan mereka punya satu journey hidup yang extraordinary.
bagi mereka ordinary.
tapi tidak bagi aku yang masih mencari jalan keluar dari tempurung ini.

aik, katak kah aku?

ya, berotak manusia berakal tiada.
menikmati apa yang ada tidak.
bersyukur jauh sekali.

rasanya dunia semakin mati kerana umatnya yang sedang nazak.
rasanya dunia semakin panas kerana hati umat
yang cepat sangat maraknya.
rasanya dunia tak stabil kerana umat yang menjalani hidup dengan
melanggar segala rule.
bayangkan milo+susu dibancuh dalam satu mug dan diisi dengan air panas 100C
sehingga tumpah tumpah selekeh meja?
tak ke bodoh namanya?

entahlah. Ini dunia. Fana
Fatamorgana bersepah tak terkira.
Rasa nak sangat selamatkan diri ni dengan orang2 tercinta tapi
kalau nak buat, tetap akan buat juga.

pendosa ni, tak layak masuk syurga
tapi tak berani juga nak junam ke neraka.
dan yang paling pendosa ni takut segala dosa-dosa yang dilakukan
akan menarik kaki ibu dan ayah dengan kejam masuk neraka sama.

kita tahu panas neraka tak terbayang.
tapi kita masih leka dengan syurga palsu ciptaan syaitan.

Apa yang kita mahu dan apa yang kita kejar sebenarnya?

Assignments.

Human Resource Management. Done
International Shipping Business. Done

For now will focus on, Agama dan Perbezaan Q&A by Uztaz Khalid.

. will have one day off.

From Shipping Business presentation just now I notice that Dato' prefer us to present in the simple form (point form).
In term of report pulak, he prefee us to put heading and all. Title is the most important thing that we must put the title in one page.

After all, I satisfied with the mark but still i'm thinking that I can do better

got emo so sudden..

Finally I’m homed. My aim is their smile. Feel good when mama like the presents. It may not be much as compared to what she has done for me. To grow me up till now, she is the best mama in the world. Growing up in such ordinary life with extraordinary love, make me feel blessed. Thanks Allah because you give this kind of family to me.

Back then, Ayah was very fierce with his child. My siblings and I usually will keep our mistakes hidden from ayah, but then he will find out as he is an investigator. I wonder if he’s a secret agent of CSI. Lol.

But, I realise when my siblings and I grow up, actually he’s trying his best in raise five of us and for me he did his best at his max. His attitude has thought me to be who am I today. He feed me good foods and drinks, he give me best cloth and he never forget to provide me with the most important things that is religion. He thought me how to read iqra’, muqadam and quran. I remember the rotten he had on his hand when teaching me. I remember how I get hit by it when I didn’t get the right pronounce even I have repeated it for several times. I remember how he will remind my siblings and me about every little thing. As usually, at time like this, mama is the best protector. She will do everything she could so that we will not do anything that ayah didn’t like. When i got mad by ayah or when I feel down, mama will be the best listener and she will be there to give me advises even sometimes I refuse to hear.

I will cry. Yeah, they didn’t know that I am crying because I don’t like to show my weakness but hey, I am human being okay. Absolutely I have thorough that down sad moment. The tears. After it went down to my gebu cheek, I will feel so relieve. I think that is why Allah put rains in our eyeball. Lol.

But what is sibling without argument. My sisters and brothers are the best at make my blood raise to the max celcius. They irritated me with their character and their words, but does it really matter? When I am here, staying far from them I think, the argument with them is the best I ever had. I can be totally myself. I can be so outspoken and we got fight but after that five of us can get along together as usually like nothing happen. All the advices we take as reflection to make ourselves better than yesterday. I just wonder why I can’t do that with my best bestfriends. Like impossible.

Food paradise. Here the term food paradise refers to my parent homemade foods. Thanks God, now I can eat sambal belacan and I am addicted to it. Today when I reached home, the food are all prepared on the table. Simple dishes but fulfil the requirement to open my appetite.

And now, when I was writing such of jiwang post here, my lil sister move all of her stuff like towel, pillow, sweater, telekung etc into my room. Yeah, she is sharing room with me but mama told me that currently my lil sister was staying in my sister room while my absent. She must miss me so damn much. Ahhh...I will let them know that I miss them too. Too much I can not bear and because of that I ask my lecturer to replace and postponed our classes. If we really want it and work for it we will totally get it. Today I smile. People ever said, ‘jangan ketawa ketawa sangat, nanti sedih sangat sangat’. For me, as we have chances to smile then let ourselves enjoy the smile. We never know when we can smile again. It is right that we must remember about other who is unfortunate when we are happy but when happy time comes just smile to the world. Just spread the smile and laugh. At least, they know that sadness never last forever and there is always the light in the sorrow. At least, they can still can hope that their happiness will come soon.
Hope never a fault.

but,

I cannot blame others when they are not having same view as mine but that is not our mistakes at all to have different opinion. 

This what we called family is.

Don't you feel it weird? to be so kind to your siblings after not meet them in a few long weeks?

i do think it weird before. 

ergh...i am not someone who will miss my siblings so much back then. 

yeah, maybe because they always in front of my eyes and i was like,

can you get lost from my sight like just one day?

but, after i think about it then I realise how much I miss them all. 

with all hardship at people's place,

I do confront the problems alone without them. 

I realise that all of this while, they are the one who give me the light. 

the light for me to keep moving in the dark. 

without them, I never know what is world today. 

they are jerk. a little brat! 

but, it was really fine actually. 

To have them is a bless for me. 

I am glad to have them in my life. 

Its okay to have a little bit argument, a little bit dissatisfaction and a little bit fight, 

because what I know, this is what make my life so colorful and beautiful. 

Nak tahu satu benda tak?

"apa yang kita buat, kita akan dapat balik"

kiratan dunia. no one can deny it!

jsut now, i was look around and blog walking kejap 

and I found my ex-classmate, ex-schoolmate yang probably I will never forget

because of she has done.

but then, hey..i am growing up here. who really care the past actually?

yeah, she was advising people for not mengaibkan orang or bad mouth 

about someone yang we don't know what their character really is.

she was advising people to grow up and be mature!

hahahha..i am laughing. lmao

In case, I can meet her right now the most useful advise I want to give her is, 

"go to kedai dua ringgit and but a mirror please"

Deactivate my twitter acc

because it really piss me off and depressing!

Assalammualaikum,
In the world of fake, dare to be real!!

Mungkin aku yang teruk.
Maybe I am the one who have no consideration about others but then am I that wrong?
I mean, everyone have something that they don't like, it just mine seemed more selfish!
and I tend to offend people.
But, should I take the entire blame or what?

am I the one who selfish or you guys who do not have attitude or to be specific
you guys had no common sense. do you?

Broom. Penyapu.
It was our responsibility lah kan to think about kebersihan bilik rumah and all.
I seriously don't care if nak bagi orang pinjam my broom for the first time in case you guys tak sempat nak beli or what kan,
but then, for weeks kot you guys keep ask to borrow's mine.
I mean, if we have share..it's alright la kan,
but then I pay for that tau! This is not about I kedekut ke apa ke, it just tak kanlah selama we're staying here at isv you nak use mine!
benda yang satu tu boleh hancur kot!
dah satua batang then yang gunanya one floor! agak-agaklah kan.

why eh, Malaysian asyik fikir benda yang easy je. pinjam, pinjam, pinjam..
kalau kita ni serumah tak apalah juga. Tak adalah I nak bising berjela-jela macam ni.
But then, kita from different house tau! you guys are just my neighborhood!
I nak sapu my rumah lagi. Then you sapu rumah you pakai my broom.
You guys tak ada common sense ke? beli la penyapu sendiri untuk rumah you guys.
why should use mine?

If korang nak salahkan aku, nak kata aku kedekut ke apa ke. Lantak!
seriously I don't mind!
ada benda yang korang suka aku tak suka.
ada benda yang aku suka korang tak suka.
so why bother?
kalau tak boleh accept cara aku, then fine.
i know people judging after ask me to be myself.
korang boleh kata aku pentingkan diri, but then mengambil kesempatan diatas kemudahan orang lain itupun dikira pentingkan diri juga.
and I just don't understand, how people who borrow my 'precious lovely stuff' act like it was her's.
I mean like, I sayang gila tahap gila kot dekat my 'precious lovely stuff' ni and when dia cakap dia nak pinjam, I was stuttered tau. I was hoping that she'll understand that I won't give her.
but then, yeah..people keep take advantage on people and their urge to own that stuff growing bigger.
and yeah..dia mendesak. kind of la.
and I when it was about family, friends, and close cousins everything jadi kacau!
so I bagi jelah dengan berat hati and I really hope yang dia akan pulangkan dengan kadar yang cepat.

so what happen next is when I meet dia at one event, guess what happen?
yeah...she's using what's mine.
i thought dia nak pinjam just for an event.
how could you pinjam barang kesayangan orang which I am not willing tu in front of me!
apa yang ada in my head that time is 'kau tak ada rasa nak pulangkan ke apa?"
and what make me shock is,
i am the one who ask her when she want to give it back to me.
I can't hold my back though after seeing she's acting like it was hers and is she pretending that I don't mind?

derhh..

tengah menggelegak sekarang! so better stop now sebab I dah tak tahu apa yang I cakap. but then kalau you guys terasa dengan my words then, terserah,

malas dah nak layan. Kalau korang nak kata aku pentingkan diri, lantak!
but one thing.
WANTING PEOPLE TO BE THE ONE WE WISHED THEY WERE LIKE, ARE ALSO CALLED SELFISH!!

Refreshing

Assalammualaikum and hey, we are having such a refreshing day today!

walked around the ISV area to the stadium in such a good air. 

The water droplets fall on my black head. Not wet me at all. 

Just breathing. Take a deep breath at let it go.

some things just better left unsaid

let it be and moving on as we might not get it back,

but for me, it doesn't seemed wrong to still hope. 

Because nothing is impossible. 

Biar pitca berbicara :)

Currently at International Student Village 

with: Atiqah (beloved roomate)

Friendship itu datangnya sekali dengan rasa hormat.
Tak bermakna kalau kita berkawan baik, kita boleh ceroboh privasi kawan kita sesuka hati.
wallet, phone and handbag merupakan salah satu hal yang berada dibawah linkungan privasi.

buat apa nak sakitkan dengan orang yang tak pernah nak hargai perasaan kita? so ignore je lah Na pasal diorang semua. Tak rugi satu apa pun. 

honestly aku rasa alin tu sama je macam aisyah. slowly take away my place. 

then, berpecah pecah macam aku dengan amalyna dulu

patut tak aku tarik Deana sekarang? Tapi pada dia Alin sangat baik, so tak ada guna pun kalau aku nak cakap apapa. Lagipun, tak ada sebab Deana tak suka Alin. 

dan Deana juga ada hak nak kawan dengan siapa yang dia suka. Aku bukan siapa siapa. 

Berkawan dengan aku juga tak menentukan yang masa depan dia kan cerah. 

Masa depan aku sendiri kabur kabur

Biarlah Deana cari diri dia sendiri. Biarlah dia berkwan dengan siapapun yang dia suka.

Aku tidak boleh halang. 

Jangan jadi kejam sangat Na, mereka punya hak.

Mula mula hanya aku fara and dd.

Then aimy pulak masuk. Then Alin, Then Ezzu. Then??

Aku tak faham. sumpah tak faham

tapi disini, aku merasa bersalah sangat. pada sarah? walaupun aku tak suka dia tapi dia selalu baik dengan aku. Cuma kadang kadang cara dia buat aku tak boleh berkawan dengan dia. 

sepatutnya kalau aku tak suka dia, aku tak perlulah cakap dengan orang lain, ni tidak.

Habis qiah, tikah, amal and ain semua tahu. 

Nana, nana, kau dah berlaku kejam pada orang lain Na.

Kau pun bukannya baik mana. Kau ingat tak ada ke orang yang super benci kau?

lebih ramai orang kau kenal lebih ramai yang membenci kau tau!

Persahabatan itu adalah sesuatu yang jelas. Persahabatan itu adalah satu jalinan yang harus disalurkan dengan rasa jujur dan ikhlas.
Mencari sahabat susahnya ibarat mencari deja vu.
Ada tapi tak wujud disitu. Kita terus dan terus mencari sehingga kita lupa bahawa ada misi yang lebih penting dari itu.

Persahabatan adalah sesuatu yang murni jika dinilai dengan mata hati.
Tapi kebanyakan kita pada hari ini telah mencemarkan kesucian nama persahabatan itu sendiri.

Entah.

Tapi pada aku, persahabatan itu sesuatu yang sukar untuk difahami. Sesuatu yang sangat berat untuk dijaga. Sesuatu yang sangat berharga, Tiada galang gantinya.

Selepas melalui beberapa 'ketika' dalam persahabatan semasa di zaman persekolahan , aku akui banyak perkara yang aku belajar. Namun, apa yang aku belajar itu kini menjerat aku disini,

Attitude aku harus diubah

Itu apa yang aku set dalam kepala apabila aku menjejakkan kaki ke dunia seorang mahasiswi.

aku diamkan apa yang tidak aku persetujui.
aku diamkan bila mereka menceroboh ruang privasiku,
aku diamkan bila mereka suka suka mengambil barang milikku.
aku diamkan bila mereka tidak mengikut rule aku apabila mereka ingin keluar masuk rumahku.

banyak yang aku tidak puas hati disini, tapi aku diamkan.
aku tak mahu mereka terasa dengan perkataan aku dan aku juga takut mereka gelar aku 'selfish'.
sungguh aku tidak mahu lagi mendengar perkataan itu.
Ia seakan menyiat-nyiat kulit ini.

aku diamkan semuanya. tidak seperti dulu. Kalau dulu aku akan terus bercakap tanpa pandang kiri kanan. Aku luahkan semuanya. Namun aku tetap dikatakan selfish. Disini, aku tidak mahu menjadi seorang yang pentingkan diri sendiri. Aku ambil kata-kata seorang sahabat sebagai nasihat. Aku berazam aku tak akan pentingkan diri kat sini. Aku cuba bertolak ansur dengan orang lain. Aku cuba memahami situasi mereka. dan aku lebih diam.

Tapi aku sedar, lebih banyak aku berdiam lebih banyak aku merasa sakit.
Aku cuba berfikir sepositive yang mungkin.
Aku cuba atasinya dengan mengatakan bahawa itu semua perkara remeh, tak perlu difikirkan sangat dan jangan mengada sangatlah Farah Farhana!

Tapi aku tak mampu nak tipu diri sendiri. Aku tidak menjadi diri sendiri dan aku seakan akan fake!
Aku tak bahagia dalam attitude ini. Aku bukan diri aku.

Kenapa hanya harus aku yang mengerti?
tidakkah mereka cuba menghormati aku dan ruang privasi aku?

Kita dilahirkan berbeza latar belakangnya. lalu mengapa semua orang menjangkakan yang kita akan suka apa yang mereka suka dan tak suka apa yang mereka tak suka?

boleh jadi sesuatu yang ringan buat kamu menjadi berat untuk orang lain.

sekarang siapa yang lebih mementingkan diri sendiri?

salah aku ke jika aku tak suka orang sentuh barang-barang aku?
is it my fault if I don't like people come in my bedroom while I'm sleeping? My roommate should alert with that yang dia tak boleh bagi friend of her buat macam tu but what should I say to her?
macam mana caranya aku nak cakap dengan dia supaya dia tak terasa?

salah ke jika aku seorang yang outspoken?

I just love my privacy so much! Tak semua benda yang I willing to share with you guys.

Sabar,
Sabar itu ada batasnya. Ketika entry ini aku post, tahap kesabaran itu sudah habis dan ia berganti pula dengan rasa amarah yang sedang membuak buak dalam dada. aku harus mencari solusinya. Aku tidak mahu kelancangan bahasaku nanti membuat mereka benci padaku.

tapi aku lebih benci pada diri aku sekarang ini. aku benci pada diri yang takut dibenci! Biarlah kalau mereka nak membenci pun, mereka bukannya pernah faham apa yang kita pernah lalui.
mereka bukan pernah faham! dan mereka bukan pernah puas hati dengan apa yang kita lakukan. Mereka sendiri pentingkan diri sendiri.
Menginginkan seseorang menjadi seperti apa yang mereka inginkan. Bukankah itu pentingkan diri?


people always tell us to be ourselve. when we already be ourselve they tend to hate us. Do you call this as fair? 
if you dare to ask people to be themselve, then please dare to accept them the way they are.

I don't know what the matter really is,
But one thing for sure, if management and student having problems between them how can we focus on what the objective really is?

I mean, antara kita pun nak berkelahi, so macam mana outsider nak percaya dengan potential of our college?

Trust.

It was so hard to gain people trust. I know because I ever lose it before

and I know how hurt it is to regain the trust without creating any more problems. 

You

You decide to go huh? 

you decide to let go your dream? ups sorry, I don't really know what your dream is.

pandai-pandai je I kan, so sorry for my misbehave. 

Taking that maryjane 'thingy' and you expected to score?

you can but you play more than enough. 

you can but you take it too much.

you have the urge to eat but you have no urge to not giving up on your studies!

This is just a beginning and you end it just like 'i want to quit!'

I don't know you are this weak and just if I know it a little bit earlier and if and only if

I have the courage that time, I surely will tell your parents before they

see you take that 'thing' in front of their eyes. 

you are addicted

wherever you go if you not stop taking that thing, you will go no where. 

You need to stop for your own good sake and for your mom sake, 

can you? owh..you have tried and I don't know! yeah, I don't know you kan. 

but I never see your effort, sorry to say this!

When you really feel down, just look at your back and you will see that there is so many person are willing to help you. They supported you all of this time and they just hope you could realise.

Your parents, your family, your friends, your bestfriend and.. your stranger.

Just wake up and go together. InsyaAllah, Allah will help us. Have faith in him.

Bye, Assalammualaikum :)

Hye There :))

I have been not blogging for quite some times, so Hello :)

Have been busy for the final exam and now the result already came out!!

yooyoo

Alhamdulillah, finally I can tell people that I have got straight a's, 

even that wasn't spm result but after all it still straight kan..

but no 4flat for this sem sebab there is a- in the list.

Thank you mamayah, adikakak and friends who never tired encouraging me and believing in me. 

The hope never fade away, the will become stronger. 

Thank you Allah, have faith in you, everything is possible to see :))

so, bye bye sem1 and welcome sem2

The things called jealousy never disappear in this world.

So keep calm and carry on, keep moving because that thing called jealousy will make you end up with happiness if you face it with patience and believe in faith.

Bye, Assalammualaikum!!

a little words...

I believe everything happen for a reason

people changed or maybe they just start being themselves, so that you can learn to let go.

Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they are right, 

you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one 

but yourself.

and sometimes good things fall apart so better things

can fall together.

For me, family means too much. Friends are too valuable and life is too short.

Sharing with people, how much they really mean to you

and how much their happiness is all what you aim in life. 

a little words :)

Cukup cintai dalam diam
Bukan kerana benci hadirnya cinta
Tetapi menjaga kesuciannya
Bukan kerana menghindari dunia
Tetapi meraih syurga-NYA
Bukan kerana lemah untuj menghadapinya
Tetapi menguatkan jiwa dari godaan syaitan yang begitu halus dan menyelusup

Cukup cintai dari kejauhan
Kerana hadirmu tiada mampu menjauhkan dari ujian
Kerana hadirmu hanya akan menggoyahkan iman dan ketenangan
Kerana mungkin membawa kelalaian buat hati hati yang terjaga

Cukup cintai dengan kesederhanaan
Memupuknya hanya akan menambah penderitaan
Menumbuhkan harapan hanya akan membuibui kebahagiaan para syaiitan

Cintailah dengan.keikhlasan
Kerana tentu kisah Fatimah dan Ali diingi oleh hati
Tetapi sanggupkah jika semua berakhir seperti sejarah cinta salman al farisi?

a little word :)

some may say NO 

some may say IMPOSSIBLE

Some may say MAYBE

Some may say DON'T KNOE

Some may say UP TO YOU

and it all seem like no one know what our heart demand.

we just go through our life and smile all over the time.

without people

people will never know what we feel

People have no ability to understand what actually in our mind

People can not ensure that our future will be bright

so, don't worry if people not stand beside you because Allah will always be 

Once again, it was my fault kan?

How nice it will be if and only you can listen.

even you listen, I am not guarantee that you will understand.

Wasting my time if I was bermati matian fight for the right and eventually I need to give in just because age and gender factor.

cut the crap.

People said ""

people said, "kalau dah jodoh tu, tak kemana" kan?

so why should i have this worries kan? why should I think about this too much kan?

accept the way it is je kan senang. 

people said , just go with the flow. 

Growing up ya!

we growing up and I just notice that we are growing up.

to be better or to be worse? Its our choice right?

Hey, I learn a lot. Thanks to people who directly or indirectly give me a lesson to learn. 

at least, I have another reason to be stronger. 

to let go. 

to handle my ego and estimate the condition to make sure my ego wouldn't stab me. 

we learn from mistakes kan. Whatever happen in my life before, has taught 

me to be who I am today. 

Plus, after I understand the rule of world which never stop judging, 

I realise that we will never be able to be happy just the way we are, 

yes, we say we don't care what people talk behind us. but cut the crap please because 

deep inside you do care. 

that feeling of care lah yang menimbulkan rasa marah, sedih and all. 

and yes, it does show that you mind this as your business.

what we can do is, respect as you can gain respect if and only if you give respect.

And, try look at our similarities and not the differences. 

after all differences is beautiful if you open your heart towards it. 

be bold. be firm. the journey is tough. the journey still long you never see the end.

Have faith in Allah and keep moving !!

see ya!