of bad and good news

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ 
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

Assalammualaikum earthlings.... 

(disclaimer: this gonna be, one of long post too. Please bear with me) 

June is such a mess. I think everyone gonna eirk at me, because I have kept saying negative things, like the whole 2018 (so far) is a messed for me, like I never had any blissful moment at all! what an ungrateful creature I am! and yes, I know and I am getting a slap right now. And yes, I am cursing myself now, because I dare to forget that I am all alone in this. I dreadful to not think of how much Allah has blessed me. I failed to be conscious when life is hitting me. 

But I think, no, I know -- that all of this is happening to test how much we believe in Him. How true our words when we said, we believed Him. How confidence we are with His promise. And as long as we still have doubt in Him, there is no way He could believe in our words. Therefore, He test me. Therefore, He test us all. To strengthen our believe, and to make us closer -- by our dua, through our prayers. 

I felt restless. I was exhausted, because every time, I thought everything were all figured out, life give me it surprise. And overtime, I know, that I could never stop this from happening. Because this is all, out my control. It is all, beyond my power, and it's all is written solely by Him. So, I realize, I should sigh no more. I should cry no more, because I have Him. And as long as I believe in him, as long as I believe in His promises, He will take care of the rest.