Jujurnya hari pertama is awkward for me, sebab aku kena pergi from one table to another untuk greet all officemate. Some greet me cheerfully, like I can see that they are sincerely welcoming me, and of course they did told me their name but I couldn't remember one, sebab aku bukan jenis cam muka dan nama orang dengan sekali pandang unless they attracted me with their appearance or personality. 

The whole day, aku banyak spend masa in front of computer and people from HR asking for my EPF number, telling me what I should and what I shouldn't do at MSC, where I can get help, and mostly, I have been through like a lot of protocol things la. And because it is Monday, so, they are all busy to chase the dateline and to settle down their things, so they had no time to train me.

I go back early. 5pm on the dot, I chio already from the office. Kebetulan, I had planned with Dhia, Syed and Afif for a dinner and wayang time. So yeah, that night, for the first time, aku jelajah subang jaya. For the first time ever tau, so now, aku dah boleh nyanyi lagu, budak subang jaya, memang ada gaya, hari2, hari raya! 

I had a great start la, with work and total surrounding as a whole. The next day, aku pergi vessel vist at Westport, Port Klang. Ada tiga benda aku buat during this visit that are; port tower, depo and vessel. This view of port is no longer asing for me, sebab aku dah pernah visit Kapar and Lekir Bulk Terminal. The only thing yang berbeza is Wesport seems more neat and clean. sebab dia focus on container, kalau operate dry bulk macam grain, coal and iron ore, kotor juga.

How to handle rejection: - 

We must first understand, 

that we are powerless toward our feelings.

It goes beyond our control.

It comes naturally and

knock our door unexpectedly.

Therefore, accept it.

Accept that feeling,

because only then you can decide.

If he is single,
and he rejected you.
Simply because there is no spark between you two.
We cannot force our feelings towards him.

New Leaf

I saw you today, 

with someone else.

I saw you smile, 

and it was never with I.

I am all okay, 

I am fine.

I didn't resent you, 

nor I hate you,

because love does not

mean you'll become mine.

I am happy,

to know how kind you are,

because Allah has promised,

to send someone kinder,

if we are not meant together.

So, for something greater

which will come after,

how would I cry a liter of tears?

Thank you,

Thank you for coming, 

and soon, 

leaving.

#newleaf

Hello July

Assalammualaikum July :) 

Do anyone anticipated July or is it only me? I think this year, I anticipated almost every months, because I wanted to finish this (internship) quickly! Last June, on 8th, I have officially finish my internship period at MS. 

Three month before, I have actively applied for job vacancy at shipping + logistic related company. However none of them is calling me back. When I was applying through job street, I saw my resume has been reviewed by the employer. Some reply back, telling me, that I am not fit in the position. Some left me hanging. And there comes a good lesson about it -- never left someone hanging. 

Always provide a clear answer, so people could move on. In my case, if the company rejected my application, inform me -- so I could apply to another. No hard-feeling. 

Before I finish my internship. My boss, Mr. J and his wife, Ms. K offer me job at their company. Everyone who has been following me must know the reason why I could no longer stay at the company. However. both of them are so kind to me which makes it difficult for me to decline their offer + I had no job offer yet! so that's mean I will 'tanam anggur' after study and I certainly would never want that. so, with heavy heart -- their offer accepted. 

I spend my Cuti Raya, trying very hard to ignore my anxiousness.

Two days before I start working at MS (Monday), I received a call from SL company. They call me for an interview. The next day (Tuesday), the whole family sent me to SL, because we will go to my parents' friend after. The next day (Wednesday), I start working at MS. I don't feel anything. I wasn't excited at all. My head was intense. On my first day working, I have received a call from MSC for an interview. And I got accepted right after I finish my interview with compliance manager (Thursday). I can start at 2nd July 2018. 

However, they didn't give me an official offer letter yet. So, I was in difficult situation whether to submit my resignation letter or not. They called me at 5pm right after I left my office on Friday. I got no chance to tell Mr J. Of course I can just call him, but I don't think it is proper to submit your resignation through phone. 

Therefore, I go back to Malacca and informed my family the good news. After that, I decided to submit my resignation letter on Monday (effective immediately) and go back to Malacca. However, life always has a surprise!! Mr J rejected my resignation letter, and I can only stop working there two weeks after. Which means, I can quit on 6 July 2018. *hump 

I shall start working at MSC on 02.07.2018. Fortunately, when I called to MSC, they allow me to extend my commencing date to 07.07.2018 right after I quit MS. Life is too hectic, I forgot to stop and breath. 

Today is 04.07.2018 -- two days left before I eventually left the company. Of course MS will be missed. I couldn't thank Mr J and Ms K enough for everything they had done for me. 

This happening to quickly that I was frustrated. At one point where I feel like, everything is not working out for me and I should just stop everything. I don't mind to quit and I don't mind if I didn't get any job either. But, I forget that there is Allah. 

Allah who has been watching me. Allah who has blessed me. Allah who has tested me, and I was here in a state where I am not confidence that Allah will help me. But, despite sins I have committed, HE picked me up. He light the way out of this mess. Allah has promise us, if we do love something/someone good and they are not meant for us, believe that Allah will give something better than that. 

So, if MS was a good place to stay because of Mr. J and Ms. K, believe that Allah will give something better than that. 

So, if I like someone who is kind, believe that Allah will send someone kinder than him #ehtiberrrr 

--

All in all, Allah is the kindest among all. Always replacing what is good with what is better. And now, Allah has ease my way. 

I hope, people out there, who stress out because of problems will eventually find your way too.

Believe in Him is the key. 

Thank you 

Everytime I saw him with his girlfriend, my heart aches. 

and I admit, that I am not strong enough to face them and smile. I am not strong enough to congratulate them and I am not strong enough to act like it was nothing. But one thing for sure, I do want to see him happy. And if it that's mean, without me, then I should take the risk. I should prepare myself to face with reality. 

And I always sooth my heart by telling me this "If someone who I like is that kind, how much kinder the one who meant for me will be? If someone who I like is that great, how much greater the one who meant for me will be? 

of bad and good news

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ 
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

Assalammualaikum earthlings.... 

(disclaimer: this gonna be, one of long post too. Please bear with me) 

June is such a mess. I think everyone gonna eirk at me, because I have kept saying negative things, like the whole 2018 (so far) is a messed for me, like I never had any blissful moment at all! what an ungrateful creature I am! and yes, I know and I am getting a slap right now. And yes, I am cursing myself now, because I dare to forget that I am all alone in this. I dreadful to not think of how much Allah has blessed me. I failed to be conscious when life is hitting me. 

But I think, no, I know -- that all of this is happening to test how much we believe in Him. How true our words when we said, we believed Him. How confidence we are with His promise. And as long as we still have doubt in Him, there is no way He could believe in our words. Therefore, He test me. Therefore, He test us all. To strengthen our believe, and to make us closer -- by our dua, through our prayers. 

I felt restless. I was exhausted, because every time, I thought everything were all figured out, life give me it surprise. And overtime, I know, that I could never stop this from happening. Because this is all, out my control. It is all, beyond my power, and it's all is written solely by Him. So, I realize, I should sigh no more. I should cry no more, because I have Him. And as long as I believe in him, as long as I believe in His promises, He will take care of the rest.