Monday, September 19, 2016

A deep though tonight

Nak terasa hati, takpa. Kita kan ada hati ada jiwa. Lumrahlah, kita kan manusia.

Tapi beringat, jangan sampai pendam rasa jadi kesumat.

Ingat. We are all here to learn as a learner.

Dan dari setiap kesilapan, kita ada pilihan. Untuk biar atau ambil buat iktibar.

Jika hari ini kita terasa hati. Luahkan jika rasa berkepentingan.

Jangan simpan sampai membakar diri dalam dalam.

Tapi, lepas luah. Ingat. Kita semua masih seperti segugus bintang2. Dibiar sendiri ia sunyi, dibiar ramai menerangi.

Dan untuk setiap salah yang dilakukan, untuk setiap jerit tengking yang disuarakan, untuk setiap baran yang dilempiaskan, maaf.

Dan cuba.
Walau terasa macam mana pun kita. Cuba faham dari sudut dia. Cuba faham walau kita terasa. Itu matang.

Bila kita terima apa yang kita tak suka. Itu matang.
Bila kita sabar dengan apa yang buat kita marah. Itu matang.
Bila kita boleh faham walaupun hati terluka. Itu matang.

Dan untuk jadi matang seperti itu. Semua orang perlu masa dan ruang.

Dan ini, adalah platform terbaik untuk shape balik sikap kita. Untuk re-shape balik attitude kita.

Tak. Aku tak kata pada siapa2. Semua ni aku tujukan pada diri sendiri. Kalau ada yang rasa baik, ambillah. Kalau tidak, biarkan saja.

Jangan. Jangan anggap aku nak condemn siapa siapa. Tak lintas niat nak buat macam tu. Cuma malam ni, bulan terang. Dan ini, adalah apa yang aku fikir fikirkan, tadi.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Xx

I never
forget your
birthday.

Last year.
and also this year.
I never forget.

I did wish you.
The best in life.
Through dua.
Through prayer.

So please,
Don't get mad.
I never forget.

How could I forget.
I'm so powerless, that
I can feel your presence
sometime. ��

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

I am graduating

NMIT
Where my stories begin and where my life feel like be resumed again.
And it was there where love came to heal.
JB will always be missed.

verbally attack.

I've promised to myself.
Even I shed into tears and blood.
I'll not cry. (For any reason)
I won't waste any more tears for anything or anyone.
Even when I am breaking apart.

I was tough before and tougher by day.

I am not physically fit.
For that solely reason, I use words to protect myself.

My words do kill when I choose to.
But that is where the story started.
People can't accept bleeded people even when they said they want to help.

People never understand a wounded person when they never get a cut.
And people never understand, what kind of pain do a person experience from emotionally torture.

And the only thing that I terror of is using my words.
To fight. To protect me.
Yes, I hate of getting hurt - again.

So, instead of getting hurt again.
I would rather lost the love I've loved the most.
And to lose that kind of love, I am hurt.

Monday, September 12, 2016

I could always say it loudly.
I could always make an argument.
I could always start the fire (I am).
I could always be the nut in family.
I could always lose my temper.
I could always bringing up my past.
I could always make it hard for everyone.
But, very often I choose to remain silent.
Because I do not want any argument.
I no longer enjoy of winning in verbal fight with them.
I just get tired of the anger I got in myself.
So, very often I ignored things that hurt me.
But they never seem to see the different me.
So even if I fight, I think I would never win.
Because fate decided, I could never win.
And the little wound around my body, start to sting.
And the amount of pain is kind of great.
And yes, it's killing.

I don't want to involve in your foolishness

I have got this one friend,
Who I love so much
Who I trust so much
We were so close back then
Before she realise,
I am not one kind of friend,
She want to be with.

We were still be friend.
Sometimes I doesn't feel like a friend to this friend, but I ignored my feeling.

I know she talked behind my back.
And also talk bad in front of me using different nick name (so I won't notice that she's actually talk about me)

I know she told people here and there about me liking this one guy, that I never thought of liking.

And when I met her recently, she doesn't change.

The way she made me feel when she's around doesn't change at all.

She still make me feel uncomfortable and that feeling t is so irritating.

I didn't speak my mind knowing it can lead to an argument.
We'll not going to meet again anyway, so for that reason, I choose to hold my back and move on.

Because now I realize,
It's a freedom to be able to live the life you wish without taking what people say about you too seriously. They can gossiping.
They can condemn.
After all, people who hate you, will never like you winning.

I just disappointed that she's ever be my friend. Losing her is not a losing.
:)

Friday, September 9, 2016

I am graduating!!!

To dearest mama & ayah,

Thank you for staying by my side throughout all of good and tough days.
Thank you for keep motivating even at times when I am really down and demotivated.
Thank you for look out for me when even I have no faith and disbelief my own capabilities.
Thank you for giving me flowers instead of lectures even when all I did was giving you disappointment.
This achievement I received today is not my best. I could really do and give you more.
I promise to work harder in the future. I will work things out and this will be a  bench mark for me to go further in this field.
Of all the things you have done, thank you for always giving me chances to live my life at the best.

To dearest friends,

I seems to be so frank and friendly with everyone. But I do admit, it is very hard for me to find one person who I could really open myself to. Even when in my roughest times, I couldn't seem to find any number that I can contact to ask for help. I don't really know back then why is this happening.
But I do know now. I am too scared. Too scared of being someone best friend. I am afraid of losing you. I am afraid that those friends will left me behind. And for that reason, I always keep my distance for some reason.
I didn't show how much I care. I pretend to be okay, so I didn't seem weak and dependent on people.
But that's now how one should live his/her life.
Seeing how people came back and meet their friends on graduation day, I realize one thing. I don't have specific friend who I can cling into. I guess I have been too late for that. But I am very glad to meet those favorite people from nmit. I love seeing them happy with their bestfriends. 
I used to be one of them but guess what? My fear has cause me a big lost!! Haha. Hmm.
I wish everyone a happy and success live. And may Allah protect all of us with the best protection. I am so happy that we all made it until today.
After a lot of tears, dramas and challenges, no matter how sharp the edges, we finally make it.

To my fav group,

I love all of you.