Study Abroad ((o:

After had a heavy breakfast I sign in my facebook page, 

going through all the status update and new stories about growing up teens. 

Next week, Nina will enter INTI college for one year and eight month,

after that short period she will continue in making her degree at States :o))

(I envy her) >o<

Dear Nina;

                

                We are not so close before and we share much things recently. I think time changed us to be better and mature. Fisrt time I saw you when we are in Form 1, serious to dead I think you are weird. As we growing up, I realise that being weird is not weird. The weird things is when people cannot accept the weirdness of people as they know all of us created so differently. Actually, everyone is weird when they just be themselves. Nowdays people so scared to show the inside of her/his character. They scared of criticism just as I do. So, they keep pretend and being so fake just as I did. Today, I completely realise that the precious thing is when we found who we really are and we can freely be who we are in public or in any kind of situation. Ohh yes.. I learned much from secondary school. 

 

              Next week you will make your first step right. so soon you know as I still need to wait for another six month. adeeshhh. One year and eight month is not a long period. pejam celik pejam celik dah habis, so do your best. After that you will continue at US (happy right?) and you are soooo lucky you know!! Its okay, I will be there too. If not for study, maybe for a vocation or maybe for my honeymoon.. mwheheheh!!!

 

              I hope you will be fine. I hope you will be ok. I hope you will be happy. I hope there is some stories that you can share with me once you back here. I hope you will be a great engineer one day and the most important thing, I hope all your wishes, dream, ambition will come true. 

 

our journey still long to be ended ; 

 

with love,  

 

medic.medic.medic

egypt.egypt

InsyAllah

Allah, please help me. Please guide me in the journey you specified for me.

Allah please help me as I'm not strong enough to fight my lust, 

Allah please help to achieve my dreams and in order to be a good caliph.

May Allah Bless

fingers note ...

Journals

I have a few journals. 

It contains a lot of stories about me and my life

as I sort everything about me and what happen in my daily life.

There is no lies and I didn't hiding behind my handwritting. 

some are all about my family and another some are about my friends, 

each stories is different cause it does not happen in same date and time, 

but all of the tale is wrote by the same person that is me. 

my journal is just about one page left, 

so I need a new journal. 

I don't like journal which full of decoration, 

just enough with messy and simple font.

fingers note xxox ..

Mama Old Stories =))

I could never imagine not to have her by myside for this my lifetime.

I know how much I depended on her and how much sacrifies that she made for me.

Few days ago she got a phone call from her coursemate- the very old friend.

they are not seeing each other since both of them graduated, 

and for me, it is just nice to meet your old friends in such a very different situation. 

now they are married

now they have at least 5 kids

and now they have their own career.

tomorrow, aunty Intan will come!!

yes I can tell that my mom so exited :o))

one day

just one fine day

i will experience it too :o))

beside those people who I love very much, 

with a good career- doctor - If Allah will 

and with cutes kids

we see the future by loving and hoping for the best future we ever see along our journey. 

It never be your fault to have such a big dream if you put your effort to it,

but if we didn't ger what we hoped for, that is mean Allah have planned something that may be the best for us. HE will never be cruel to HIS servant. It just us who never feel enough and thankful!!

fingers note xx

this holiday I spent with such a good and valuable things, activities. 

I helped ayah at his camp site.

Managing the account.

Yes, its a good start and that is all because of blessing from Allah. 

I spent my time with my friends pretty much. 

talking about adult things and the story of growing up. 

included LOVE STORY-of course :xd

other than that, I just spent my time with my family, 

we are not such a big family but enough to make me in big tense, laughter and happiness. 

my sisters and brothes annoy me, yet there are the one who make me happy, 

we done exhilarating things and we are happy in the way we created it. 

having one month with them, is more than enough for me to experience all the feelings like;

anger, sadness, disappointment, annoy, jerk, happiness, joy, patience.

time passed and next week all of them will go back to school, 

 Kak Farah will going back to uitm puncak perdana,
this 29 of dec, mama will send Nuar back to smap Labu as he was chosen to be mpp
so he must be there earlier than his other friends.
so this house will be silent again :o(
but do not worry, I believe as long as I still alive in this house,
this castle will never getting too silent. Hehehe. You know what I will do huhh "kerek"

Well, I will just stay at home and do home 'work' !!
cooking , laundry-ing, washing , sweeping.
for the next 6 month, this is my - to-do-list and the major one is ironing my sister's uniform,
mama's kurung and ayah's suit.
Ohh.. I nearly forget that I need to fetch my brother & sister too from school too.
(sengih-sengih) more new job !!

a little words

Old Album

 

 my little sister

 

 

she's still cute. Even now!!

 

 

old picture but still fresh in my mind :o))

Brcause we are unique & different

Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them.

Let's try to figure out why they do what they do.

That is not profitable and intriguing then critisim;

and its breeds symphaty, tolerance and kindness.

"To know all is to forgive all"

Don't criticize, condemn or complain. fingers note.

Medic

I have make a decision, 

A really big decision, 

It is hard for me to make it but I believe this is the best!!

I want to be a Doctor. 

A doctor who will work in a specialist hospitals

A doctor who will open her own clinic with her husband at 35

A doctor who will try to save people as much as she can 

A doctor who will take a risk treating mental patient

A doctor who will run her own bussiness and have her own house on the hill. 

My dream may seem too much but I just cannot stand

letting it be just a daydreaming, I'm sicked of that!!

If I get a good result and get an offer to make foundation in science, 

I will just proceed my ambition through that way, 

but if my result is not good enough. 

It will bring me to a liitle longer journey,

but still to the way that bring me to my ambition. 

I will enter matrix and scoring 4.0 flat and trying hard to get high mark in each quiz,

when I get 4.0 flat, I will aiming for the scholarship, 

and if Allah will with bless from mama and ayah, 

soon I will be a doctor and married with a doctor too . 

Because that is your dream and that is my dream. 

a little words..

Career Talk

-->

Last year at this time (26/12/2011). I keep worrying about my SPM. I know that I will face a big battle and war. And so, I am exited to be 17 as I will finish my studies so soon and now the time passed , so does my next days. 

Now, I completely confuse with those question like ,

'What should I be?' 

'what I want to be?'

'how hard it will be?'

and

'would it be just like what I want it to be?'

The result not coming out yet but seriously I am hoping for the best.
I don't know how best/worst it would be but I sure Allah had planned something for me.

Last night, I am having a conversation with my parents & siblings about what should I take. 

Business Law or

Medic. 

Lawyer or 

Psychiatrist. 

Foundation in law 

or going to Egypt in Sept?

Seriously in dilemma. 

I list out all my advantages & disadvantages.

:o) I can speak with others very well 

;o) I can .............\

:o) I can .............\

;o) I can .............\
 heeehhe , I will update the list later.. '' ''xd

so what should I be ?

fingers note,

Do you ever feel angry when you see people are easily getting what you have wanted so badly, while you are working like hell, perfecting yourself, just to get it? You feel like the world is against you and you are fighting a battle you cannot win. You feel restless, unhappy. 

But you should know one thing. Our body is the form of energy, and in fact everything in this universe were made up in the form of energy. We use an energy to attract energy. Hence, we are actually attracting the universe towards us. If you think you are happy, the whole universe will work on to make you happy -- genuinely. If you think, you don't happy -- the whole universe will work on to make you unhappy, because that's where you exert your energy most. 

 there is something in you that I want, 

you simply get it but I have too little that I feel it does not enough.

If you don't mind,

can you share it with me?

a fingers note

Find Yourself & Be Yourself

I enter a bookshop. 

A rare bookshop for me. 

I'm not always came here but today I reach here again. 

I walked slowly and looked around  of the bookshop. 

Gotcha!!! I found what I looked for. 

I walked again. 

I go to the rack of novels. 

there are lots of new novels which I never heard the tittle before. 

I want to buy one or three but out of the blue moon [ biruu sangat lhaa bulan tu kan??]

I saw a book written by Dale Carnegie

HOW TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE 

Not thinking for any second I grab that book.

The first part of this book telling you about to be yourself 

because there is no one else on earth like you!!

what I get then is; 

If you can't be a pine on the top of hill, 

Be a scrub in the valley but be the best liitle scrub by the side of the hill. 

Be a bush if you can't be a tree,

If you can't be a bush, be a bit of grass, 

and some highway happier make ; 

if you can't be a muskie, then just be a bass

but the liveliest bass in the lake!

we can't all be captains cause we have got to be crew.

There is something for all of us here.

There is big work to do and there is lesser to do. 

And the task we must do is near.

If you can't be highway,then just be a trail,

It isn't size that you win or you fail

Be the best of whatever you are

to cultivate a mental attitude that will bring us peace and freedom from worry, remember let's not imitiate others. Let's find ourself and be ourself

a fingers note

Sunday's Memory :o))

Its start with bright day, 

totally hot and I am sweating because of the high temperature of Malacca, 

but that was not an excuse for me to enjoy my day which full with excitement and new experience.

I couldn't explain how happy I am 

I couldn't explain how thankful I am for the dudes awarded to me =)

we talk about so many things insteed of promoting Kem Benteng Negara

we talk about 'girls' thing that I never have any conversation about it with any of my friends before, 

ohh how can I forget that all of us growing up and so does our thinking and 

that will absolutely affect our topic of conversation. 

There are so many things I want to tell but I can't sort all of them here,

but picture will tell you everything that is hard for me to spill out or even to write it down here =)

#with my super something dudes > Amanina Hadi & Aisyah Dahiyah

95 full of great things even peoples may see it as ridiculous things, 

but that is the reason we're made for, 

to show the varieties and act as the completor to complete the uncomplete puzzles, 

the puzzle might not finish cause one of the pieces was taken by us

a finger note..

A little words :o)

I know that I am too much , 

I know that I should not live in grudge and anger, 

I know I should accept all the test given by HIM as everything happen as He had plan. 

 I know they were sicked with my behaviour, 

yeah selfishness, egoistic, hot temper, hard-head, heartless

even my family could not stand with it so why should my friends huh?

but I see things clearly now. 

Sorry to mama and ayah cause make you two face a great challenge in raising me

and I know that it was not easy at all. It should be me who talk 

nicely and respecting you guys more, but things going different when I still 

with my super duper silly-stand. Seriously I'm sorry

fingers note

Lo to the Ser

Never think that you are a loser,
cause this might lead you to hurting others.
Always believe that everyone have their own path and you should through it separately.
There is no such worst life in this world as there is someone out there
turn insane because of war, hatred, power and revenge.

Just take your path and I will take mine =)

#stop pointing your fingers
 

the more I seek to know, the more hurt I get 

Memory that left behind

He's one of the kiddo that I think have potential to be 'somebody'

and of course, he already prove it to everyone. 

You are double triple lucky to have him beside you even you know what will come after him.

You should be grateful when he choose you among those pretier one. 

He never complain about you but trying to understand you much more. 

But once he's stepping out from the school to a better place, 

you directly break all the bond created between both of you simply like abc.

that was his dream. that was his family hope

why you can't understand even babies can understand it?

I really glad that he is not stay beside you anymore. 

He deserve better girl

#Just Saying

Price for a Frienship

source : (expired picture)

relationship is something that we can determine widely, 

every relationship that build must be strengthen by love, trust, honest and sincerity. 

It can be any kind of relationship. 

For now I can't explain more about love'ship' because I'm not married yet 

because I am sure that married couple have their own opinion about relationship.

and I am not going to sold my friendship just because of a boy. 

My friendship is not that cheap

#As long as I can hold, yes I will 

PMR 2012 ;o))

TWO YEARS AGO... 

My heart beats going fasters, 

each second is countless, 

can't deferentiate between red and green, 

the only things that I did was recite quran, munajat to the Great Allah SWT

and now

my little brothers and sisters from smkda will face the same things, 

tomorrow is not the finale day in your life. 

pmr is quite important because it channeled you to your standard and level, 

but each channel have different oppurtinity and the scale in  job is different, 

that is why I said PMR is quite important, 

because the subject will not be the same to all students.

there is an elective subject which you must put much effort in it. 

what ever it is, I pray for all of you =) 

May Allah Have Mercy

Driving License :o)

two times experience with auto car, 

no experience with manual car. 

3 bored hours 

3 hours practical

I got prised by him : "untuk orang yang pertama kali bawa kereta, biasanya sangkut 

bila nak start kereta, looks like kaki kiri kau boleh diajar' 

.Alhamdulillah. 

everything goes well

May Allah Have Mercy

Mailyn Monroe

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

Be Yourself Does Not Easy ;(

its so hard for me to be myself,

its so hard for me to be the real me, 

because no one will accept me the real me. 

so, that was the factor that lead me to be fake!!

but being fake is just one of the character right??

being fake = real me

that was my weakness. 

today gone. tomorrow appear

I fix it to be better

I will make sure, after 3 month. 

I'm no one else but me myself. 

xoxo

A little words ;0

I scare if this might be the last?

I keep asking myself why I sleep eventhough I know he will departed so soon?

Hara ssi, can't you just put away your ego aside. 

Just For This Time. Can't you?

Promises XD - none

if you can't keep you promises, then don't promise me anything

because I'm hoping

You fooled me with your words and simply forget it?

that was a liitle bit harsh dear.

I always give you my word but you? Not even once 

someone will pay it back

xoxo

An Inbox Motivate =)

in finding the true me,

 in finding the inner spirit of me,

 in leading me to be a good caliph,

 i must admit that sometimes I lose,

 lose to the fear,

lose to the test,

 lose to the lust,

 I know Allah never close HIS eyes,

 I know HE know how my heart scattered to the ground,

 HE put much problems to test me

 to test my patience

to test my faith,

 I admit,

sometimes my faith shaking,

that is why I need some refreshment,

 that is why I need some words to motivate myself,

and thanks to Ebit Lew,

 without you,

I might not made it.

I'm Giving Up

I know what type of woman you one, 

I know what type of man are you, 

I know it clearly since the first time I saw you. 

You are the man I dreamt for 

You are the man I hope for 

You are the man I pray for 

Its completely easy to make you accept me by changing my profile, 

and lie everything about my lifestlye. 

I can do that as I ever do it before and I was succeed. 

But for this tme, 

I just want to be so real, 

accept me at my weakness and fix it. 

teach me more and guide me to the true way. 

This time, I just can't pretend!

I want to change but not so drasticly, 

I want to change but not because of you, 

 I want to change but not pretend, 

For my weakness and to be myself 

I giving up in you. 

May Allah Bless

I know I'm Growing Up as My Feeling Does

to get you is NEVER, 

having you to lead my prayers is impossible,

to be your friends, 

there is a huge gap that differentiate us. 

I'm growing up and I'm fallen in love. 

But I know there is the limit of all my wishes. 

thinking of you is a sin, 

imagining you is a sin, 

Ya Allah, please protect this heart when I can't bear the feeling, 

Ya Allah, please protect my eyes

give the happiness to all peoples I loved. 

Love after married 

 

#DiatasSejadahCinta

What Had Happen?

It can't be happen, 

It should be (only my families) know about this, 

I learn something

Once you step out from the school, 

the battle is not about you with all the knowledge and examination, 

but its all about you and the world, 

you face with reality of life, 

you will face the wild peoples out there with wild life you never imagine. 

for 13 years

from kindergarten to primary school to secondary school.

what actully that I fight for?

straight As, friendship, university, good job, scholarship or what?

I only hope that there is still hope for peoples like me 

to be free breathing the air that we all creatures share together. 

Neglect me because of my size ;XD

If you are looking friends based on her physical.

yes I do not have that. 

because I'm fat and now I'm 75kg 

If you are looking friends based on her level of beauty.

Yea I do not have that 

because I'm dark and have lots of pimples. 

If you are looking friends basedon their wealth, 

sorry, I do  not have that also

because I did not work yet. 

All that I have and I can give is my honesty and my sincerity, 

only that left and only that all I have

#there is no one in the world will accept us at our weakness except our creature. 

Allah Almighty

Finding My Self

Life isn't about finding yourself, 

Life is about creating youself.

Life for me is not simple to go through,

sometimes it worthwhile 

and sometimes it challenging. 

It teast the power of your physical and your mentality.

it shows your honesty and sincerity.

that is why I need to find myself,

and be a new me who more proactive and positive.

to fix the old me, I need to find myself.

#searching

To those, who I could not ever say thank you :)

you talk to me 

I talk to you 

You came and sit beside me 

while I'm doing those puzzles words

You said you loved it too

yet, we do it together without insecure. 

we laugh even others seem like don't care.. pd:hahahah

they ask 'are you two best friend' 

we look to each other and laughing 

'no, I saw her hiking the stairs just now and I called her to sit beside me' 

You must know 

sometimes the randomest things is the best thing 

#the meaning of randomest is without planning

Strangers :D

have nice conversation with Pak Cik Ali =) 

we never thought that strangers could be the easiest people to talk to. 

strangers could  understand us more than bestfriends or family could. 

and 

sometimes strangers can be someone who we can depending to. 

 

I realise that I have no suspicion to those strangers I ever met so far, 

maybe I know that we will not meet again. 

 

#someone out of the town

Kelabu ;)

Dalam hidup ni

kita selalu ada pilihan 

terpulang 

terserah 

pada kita yang nak memilih.

semuanya jelas. 

tapi persoalannya, 

macam mana dengan yang ada ditengah-tengah?

KELABU

apa yang jelas tentang kelabu?

macam mana nak jelaskan?

macam mana pula kehidupan 

antara yang gelap dan terang?

Ia samar-samar.

 

abu Azmina Sakri =)

I love the moments here, 

I wish I can pause the time and let it stay just like this. 

Chatting at inbox of 'mukabuku'

talking about the past boys in our life, 

and how adorable this world that make you attracted to it!!

I love this moment 

#supersomething

I love word SOMETIMES

sometimes i'm in love 

sometimes i'm crazy 

sometimes i'm lovely 

sometimes i'm ugly 

sometimes i'm beautiful 

sometimes everything going smooth 

sometimes everything goes wrong 

sometimes i'm tidy 

sometimes i'm messy

sometimes i'm okay 

sometimes i don't 

sometimes i'm real

sometimes i'm pretend 

=) its the way i found the real me in randomest things 

xxxx

Impersonate ?

hey sometimes i'm being cruel to myself,

for not be who i should be, 

i mean the real me.

suddenly I prefer pretended compare to show the real me.

until I forget who I was, 

until I forget who is me! 

I forget all about that. 

I want to tell all the truth about my life, 

but I scared my friends will hate me or misunderstood, 

Now I realise, it brings no different if I just be myself.

I regreted not doing that before. seriously . 

Happy xoxo ; )

The Conclusion.

The conclusion is,

Whatever happen to me or my relationship with others,

Still it was among the best memory that I ever had.

Tears. Sadness. Heartbreak.

Everything give something to me as a lesson.

Not only to myself but maybe for some peoples out there.

I might have no chance to ask for everyone forgiveness,

Maybe because my heart is not open yet,

I know it was not a good to do that,

But I cannot force myself as I cannot force others forgive me.

FORGIVE. FORGIVEN . FORGIVENESS

It were something that I care much.

Some may say the words ‘sorry’ simply like one..two..three..

But for me ‘sorry’ is the big words that brings

A big meaning that not everyone can understand.

From time to time, I try to heal my soul and hope

That no problems will appear while I heal it,

But I know and I must realize that problems never stop from coming up,

As we are human to be tested its strength and faith.

I do believe each bigger test will give me

bigger gift as the rewards.

Remember, whoever come in my life.

I will always love that person until I find the reason I should hate that person

With love , pray and memory >I love You Guys<

Making a Recall

Its like looking back at the past

Some say it wasting my time and

Some say its okay to recall what we have done and

From there, we plan our future.

Dear,

2012 is the last year for me to wear school uniform and having my own table and chair at class.

2012 is the last year for me to get homework everyday.

2012 is the last year for me to get command from my teachers, to do this and that.

2012 is the last year for me to be fetch by my parents

2012 is the last year for me to be with my beloved friend

2012 is the last year for me to snap picture with same peoples at same place

2012 is the last year I will study CHEMISTRY with sir Zabidi Malek

And the most important thing is

2012 is the first and the last year I’m taking SPM

2012 is the first and the last year I’m 17

Because once I get 18, things will be so different.

That was my list at the early of the year but I realize how much that fulfilled. That’s mean I failed to fulfill my own wish. Maybe I’m the one who not letting this wishes became real but I don’t know really.

Time Running Out

even while exam was in progress 

I can seek for a time where I can post so many entry on my blog, 

Now I have so much free time but I cannot 

all of them for post an entry a day.

Look, life is full with unexpected things. 

sometimes we gonna like it or sometimes we gonna hate it, 

but 'siapalah daku' to change the fate that determined by Allah,

HE is the power of all. 

May Allah not leave us