بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful
May peace be upon you,
Yesterday I was reflecting myself. During the process, I realized that I have commit one big mistake that no one should ever did. Those who knew me in my high school days, surely know, that I am not friendly with boys. Because I hate it when people started to says things like -- I liked him or I want to date him kind of things. These will only start to be a rumors and you never know what rumors can do to someone's life.
My life has ruined once, because of rumors. Pretty sure, will not experience it twice.
When I entered college. I still had this side of me -- being cold to boys. However, I am communicating with them. I made some friends but surely none is getting too personal (I don't like it when it gets personal). But on my final year, there is rumors said, that I like this and that boy which makes me find myself pitiful and pathetic. I don't know why, but I always find myself hopeless, pitiful and pathetic if someone says I like someone.
When I entered university -- some things had change. I have changed. I no longer bothered of what people think or say about me. I listen to the comment/complaint, to filter out if there is any comment which I can use to improve myself, and if there is none, I let it go and move on. Because people have right to voice out their own opinion. And I choose to ignore them if it is not related.
Because for me, as long as the objective is clear, and I know why I did that, I will just fine with myself. Sama ada orang terima atau tidak, itu terpulang, sebab I know, at the end of the day, I am not matter to them and they are not matter to me. So, as long as they are not family or someone I cherish, none of what they said, matter to me. I am that simple. And I don't resent them in any way, because I understand, that they not knowing me personally.
Okay, the thing is, when I entered University, I realized that I had crushed on someone and I have been so attentive towards him since few years ago. OMG! However, I am in a circumstances where I cannot confess nor show my feelings. However, one day, I heard the news that his heart is now someone's else and I don't know how should I react.
I know I won't be affected too much because I never had too much feelings for someone. Because to like someone is my absolute right and for that someone to like somebody else is also his absolute right. We cannot force anyone to fall in love with us. I do not want to be selfish, hence I am letting go of this feeling and sincerely pray for his happiness.
However, I started to had this personality where I tend to make pickup line which I never did before this. And the problem is, I dedicate all those pick up lines towards my friend, who is also my classmate. I called him S. He knows that I am joking and I have joked around, pretending to be his girlfriend and he is mine. The jokes last for months an nearly half of year. Some day, things are getting so real, I don't know whether or not it is a joke. Because when I care, I truly care -- because he is a friend.
But then again, I know myself very well. I know that I still have a lingered feeling towards my crush. And I don't feel right to fling with someone else even if it was a joke. Although both of my friends and I know that this will never get any real, but still. The reason why I dare to joke about this because I know, the two of us -- will never get real. But when so many people came and ask me, whether or not we are real, I am getting uncomfortable.
I know. I know. It was my mistake. I bring this upon myself. And I know, deep down, I still had that feeling for my crush. Regardless what I did to move on, it is useless. No matter how much I tried to forget, I can't. So, I let the memories to stay. I will cherish them as long as they are here with me. Because I believe, one fine day, all of these feelings towards him, will fade away.
And towards S. I apologize for making things uncomfortable for him. He is such a good friend and having him as a friend is truly bless. I also apologize for making people to have misconception about him -- that we are dating. If he is about to dating someone, he is not going to date someone like me. I am not his cup of tea, hhaha. So to all those girls, please rest assure.
So the whole point is -- do not involve anyone else in your problem. Do not be so selfish. As I understand that S got his own life and I have entering his personal life forcefully. He may not say anything to me, like he is fine with it, but who knows if he did that just because I am his friend and he didn't want to hurt me. But still, I should consider about his feeling to. I should stop telling people that he's mine, so the right person for him could get a way to him.
I have been so selfish without realizing it. When we thought it's just for fun, some people do take it seriously. And thank you to YOU (you know who you are) for step up and tegur my mistakes. I apologise to everyone who affected. And never had any intention to fool anyone.
Sincerely,
K. Farhana
Okay, the thing is, when I entered University, I realized that I had crushed on someone and I have been so attentive towards him since few years ago. OMG! However, I am in a circumstances where I cannot confess nor show my feelings. However, one day, I heard the news that his heart is now someone's else and I don't know how should I react.
I know I won't be affected too much because I never had too much feelings for someone. Because to like someone is my absolute right and for that someone to like somebody else is also his absolute right. We cannot force anyone to fall in love with us. I do not want to be selfish, hence I am letting go of this feeling and sincerely pray for his happiness.
However, I started to had this personality where I tend to make pickup line which I never did before this. And the problem is, I dedicate all those pick up lines towards my friend, who is also my classmate. I called him S. He knows that I am joking and I have joked around, pretending to be his girlfriend and he is mine. The jokes last for months an nearly half of year. Some day, things are getting so real, I don't know whether or not it is a joke. Because when I care, I truly care -- because he is a friend.
But then again, I know myself very well. I know that I still have a lingered feeling towards my crush. And I don't feel right to fling with someone else even if it was a joke. Although both of my friends and I know that this will never get any real, but still. The reason why I dare to joke about this because I know, the two of us -- will never get real. But when so many people came and ask me, whether or not we are real, I am getting uncomfortable.
I know. I know. It was my mistake. I bring this upon myself. And I know, deep down, I still had that feeling for my crush. Regardless what I did to move on, it is useless. No matter how much I tried to forget, I can't. So, I let the memories to stay. I will cherish them as long as they are here with me. Because I believe, one fine day, all of these feelings towards him, will fade away.
And towards S. I apologize for making things uncomfortable for him. He is such a good friend and having him as a friend is truly bless. I also apologize for making people to have misconception about him -- that we are dating. If he is about to dating someone, he is not going to date someone like me. I am not his cup of tea, hhaha. So to all those girls, please rest assure.
So the whole point is -- do not involve anyone else in your problem. Do not be so selfish. As I understand that S got his own life and I have entering his personal life forcefully. He may not say anything to me, like he is fine with it, but who knows if he did that just because I am his friend and he didn't want to hurt me. But still, I should consider about his feeling to. I should stop telling people that he's mine, so the right person for him could get a way to him.
I have been so selfish without realizing it. When we thought it's just for fun, some people do take it seriously. And thank you to YOU (you know who you are) for step up and tegur my mistakes. I apologise to everyone who affected. And never had any intention to fool anyone.
Sincerely,
K. Farhana
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