بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ 
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

May peace be upon you,

Remember I told you in the previous post where my 2018 doesn't start good? It start with my internship supervisor, house problem, and family problem? Everyone had it right? But it feels different when you are now older. Because you felt the sense of responsibility of its occurring. You always think for how to solve it. You want to take part of finding the solution.

Now May is coming. And when I am writing this, its already end of May guys! Who knows how fast time flies? This May, we heard a lot of good news. Big Sissy was scouted by BIG company. When I mention BIG, it's really BIG. She is not even finish her ACCA yet. Eventually she can enjoy the fruitful of her own hard work. Alhamdulillah. 

Mama got promoted and it means her monthly salary increase too (this part I like, hhaha), but mama being mama, she knows that it also means bigger responsibility. And it also means that she's going to spend more time in school after this! Meeting everyday. I don't know why some still see, life as a teacher is easy. It's not okay. When your children come back home at 2pm, they are still working until 5pm (yeah, some teachers do go back early), and my mom also working Saturday & Sunday too. 

When a company had many departments to specify its job and function, a school does not. My mom is a teacher + accountant. And so many things that you does not interested to hear. So lets just skip that. Move to my dad, he is nominated as "Pengetua Cemerlang", not yet elected. Just nominated as a candidate. But it's already a good news. m

Mistakes I don't realize

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ 
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

May peace be upon you,

Yesterday I was reflecting myself. During the process, I realized that I have commit one big mistake that no one should ever did. Those who knew me in my high school days, surely know, that I am not friendly with boys. Because I hate it when people started to says things like -- I liked him or I want to date him kind of things. These will only start to be a rumors and you never know what rumors can do to someone's life. 

My life has ruined once, because of rumors. Pretty sure, will not experience it twice. 

When I entered college. I still had this side of me -- being cold to boys. However, I am communicating with them. I made some friends but surely none is getting too personal (I don't like it when it gets personal). But on my final year, there is rumors said, that I like this and that boy which makes me find myself pitiful and pathetic. I don't know why, but I always find myself hopeless, pitiful and pathetic if someone says I like someone. 

When I entered university -- some things had change. I have changed. I no longer bothered of what people think or say about me. I listen to the comment/complaint, to filter out if there is any comment which I can use to improve myself, and if there is none, I let it go and move on. Because people have right to voice out their own opinion. And I choose to ignore them if it is not related.

Because for me, as long as the objective is clear, and I know why I did that, I will just fine with myself. Sama ada orang terima atau tidak, itu terpulang, sebab I know, at the end of the day, I am not matter to them and they are not matter to me. So, as long as they are not family or someone I cherish, none of what they said, matter to me. I am that simple. And I don't resent them in any way, because I understand, that they not knowing me personally. 

Okay, the thing is, when I entered University, I realized that I had crushed on someone and I have been so attentive towards him since few years ago. OMG! However, I am in a circumstances where I cannot confess nor show my feelings. However, one day, I heard the news that his heart is now someone's else and I don't know how should I react. 

I know I won't be affected too much because I never had too much feelings for someone. Because to like someone is my absolute right and for that someone to like somebody else is also his absolute right. We cannot force anyone to fall in love with us. I do not want to be selfish, hence I am letting go of this feeling and sincerely pray for his happiness. 

However, I started to had this personality where I tend to make pickup line which I never did before this. And the problem is, I dedicate all those pick up lines towards my friend, who is also my classmate. I called him S. He knows that I am joking and I have joked around, pretending to be his girlfriend and he is mine. The jokes last for months an nearly half of year. Some day, things are getting so real, I don't know whether or not it is a joke. Because when I care, I truly care -- because he is a friend. 

But then again, I know myself very well. I know that I still have a lingered feeling towards my crush. And I don't feel right to fling with someone else even if it was a joke. Although both of my friends and I know that this will never get any real, but still. The reason why I dare to joke about this because I know, the two of us -- will never get real. But when so many people came and ask me, whether or not we are real, I am getting uncomfortable.

I know. I know. It was my mistake. I bring this upon myself. And I know, deep down, I still had that feeling for my crush. Regardless what I did to move on, it is useless. No matter how much I tried to forget, I can't. So, I let the memories to stay. I will cherish them as long as they are here with me. Because I believe, one fine day, all of these feelings towards him, will fade away. 

And towards S. I apologize for making things uncomfortable for him. He is such a good friend and having him as a friend is truly bless. I also apologize for making people to have misconception about him -- that we are dating. If he is about to dating someone, he is not going to date someone like me. I am not his cup of tea, hhaha. So to all those girls, please rest assure. 

So the whole point is -- do not involve anyone else in your problem. Do not be so selfish. As I understand that S got his own life and I have entering his personal life forcefully. He may not say anything to me, like he is fine with it, but who knows if he did that just because I am his friend and he didn't want to hurt me. But still, I should consider about his feeling to. I should stop telling people that he's mine, so the right person for him could get a way to him. 

I have been so selfish without realizing it. When we thought it's just for fun, some people do take it seriously. And thank you to YOU (you know who you are) for step up and tegur my mistakes. I apologise to everyone who affected. And never had any intention to fool anyone. 

Sincerely, 

K. Farhana 

GE14

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ 
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful

It has been long since my last post. My blog is dusted already and some of you have been asking me the continuation of Jar of Hearts. Honestly, I have been very busy (okay, I lied about being VERY busy) but I just couldn't find any right time to write. And when I had the time, the feeling was just not as fresh anymore. 

But hey, here I am, writing to you, in my office (after finishing my works!), at 11.30am. 

May has been extremely eye-opening for me, you know, with all excitement about GE14, the celebration of a new + good change (I hope), me being the agent-driven of making a new History in Malaysia, welcoming blissful Ramadhan, mama promotion, Kak Farah getting employment offer at BIG BIG company, ayah was elected as Pengetua Cemerlang candidate -- and it was too overwhelming for me. (oh, and me, going to finish my internship very soon)

Today, I will first talk about GE14. This is my first time of General Election. I registered last year (to be honest, I didn't register because I realized about the importance of young power, but because of my dad keep asking). Truth to be told, most of young adult like me, agent 18-23, we don't really care about politic. Because for us, politic is sucks + dirty. And there is no reason for us to pay attention, to something we don't like, do we?

However, after I have joined so many programs and leadership talk, I eventually realized, that -- it was not necessary to being an ignorant, just because you dislike someone/something. You don't need to allow more worst be done towards your beloved country. And remain silent is not a way to fight! I can no longer let those greedy inhumane being take over Putrajaya for the next five years. They had done enough! 

Therefore, I felt the urge of saving my country. The nervousness is real! The change is real! I come back from Shah Alam to Melaka, and the next morning waking up for carried out my duty (I sempat cursing those people who eligible to vote but not register and not coming out to vote! but hey, everyone had their reason and I may be one of them if my father didn't insist me -- so be considerate. enough with the cursing!) I don't really curse them anyway. Just feel a little bit upset and disappointed inside. 

My family and I waiting anxiously for the results. Even my seventeen years old brother anticipate in this GE14 results. Ha, before I forget, -- when I went to vote, my brothers and sister told me this "we cannot vote any yet. we cannot save our country yet. so you, please make a wise decision" At that very moment, I felt like I hold a huge responsibility for the future of these kids -- a diamond of a country. The future of rebuilding Malaysia. 

That night, after isya' prayers, I was out to send my brother to his friend's, because he's going for a trip. At certain location, I found crowd with party's flag on their hand, and the police tightening their security. There were many rumors saying, there will be a riot, that 13 May history will repeat itself. I was with Sha that night. We talked a lot about politic -- and she is not in the same party I root for. Hhaha. But we still best friend made in heavens. (ha kau ingat, love je ada love made in heavens). My dad, call + texting me, asking me to come back home right after sending off my brother. My family keep calling me to check my position.

I came back home safely after drop off Sha at hers. I think 9th May 2018 is indeed the longest day I ever experienced. I am waiting for the result to be announced, because I need to confirm whether or not the next day is holiday. If BN won, I must drove back to KL at 4.00am and I was not fit for that. However, I just had uncleared instinct that I gonna had a long holiday, so I just went to my room and sleep. 

The next day, I check up my phone for the news and yeayyyyyyyy, strike!! 

Alhamdulillah, I am happy for the changes, at the same time, I was sad. Why? Because I understand the sentiment that our elders felt. I understand what UMNO means for them. I understand the pain they have gone through, the fight they have witnessed, the battle they have won -- it was all possible under UMNO leads. They may not realized what actually happened as they do not live in the city -- so I think, it is our responsibility to be understanding. Respect each other choice and opinion. And respect doesn't mean agreeing. 

I would personally, thank UMNO + BN for these past years of them ruling the country. Despite all corruption and conspiracy, there are some good things they have developed for our country, e.g. UTC. Don't you find it easy with UTC and RTC? We had enjoy the privilege they have provided us, so it wasn't right to curse them with those cursing words. They had feelings too.

I know, some may say that they do not even deserved to be sympathized, but this is not about what they had done to us. This is about humanity and compassion. Many have bleed for their greed. Many have killed for their power. So, why should we add more? It is not easy to rule a country, it is not easy. and we cannot guarantee, that we will not do whatever they are doing right now if we were at their position. So please, be kind. Not for them, but for our inner peace and to focus for our new Malaysia.

And to new ruling party, people had high hope in you. We have put our trust in you, so please carry out your duty respectively. We will keep giving our support because there is nothing we can help you professionally. We can only help by changing what is within us, to be a better Malaysian for a new Malaysia. And while rebuilding the country, I hope we can find our purpose and sense of belonging towards our Malaysia. And once again be proud to flag out our Jalur Gemilang.

And to all Malaysian. It is now our time to shine. We are bound to be a great country but a great country couldn't be made by third class society. Therefore, lets focus on our self-betterment. Stop cursing, stop blaming, stop complaining and do research instead, on how we can help our Malaysia. Pouring water to the ocean has no use, you cannot make the sea water less salty. So lets! 

Welcoming May

I have not been writing for quite sometimes. I just do not have mood for that, because I have been exhausted these couple of weeks. I used to write up to ten posts per day. (I always impress with myself like ~ Rhan what was there that you have so much to talk about?) Hhaha. I have been missing writing lately but doesn't seem to have time for that. My body is tired and my brain does not seem to be so cooperative these days, so yeah. 

But today, I try to free my time, so I had a chance to at least welcoming May (yeay, May is here). However, despite me being so excited about finishing my internship on 8th June, I actually anxious and nervous of May. Those who are close to me, must know that I hadn't get a really good start in 2018 (like every month, there will be one highlight event that befall me and they all give quite a big impact to me, be it family matters, friends, work or love life) 

Yes. Maybe it is me who over reacting. Perhaps it is me who worry for nothing, but I couldn't ignore it just because people think of it as a small thing. That's why, waiting for May is nerve-wrecking. Now that I am already in third day of May, I still being extra careful with everything around me, and it makes me extra anxious. Hhaha (but I am still laughing dude!)

Ha, while I am thinking about it, do you know a fun fact about me -- that since Jan 2018 till the present day, I never had a chance to watch movie at cinema!! (from AAC2, Maze Runner, Avengers etc)

And now I have few reports