Ramadhan Kareem

Assalammualaikum and happy fasting everyone! 

Seperti biasa, we always hope this ramadhan will be better than before and mudah-mudahan kita dapatkan apa yang kita harap dan hajatkan. For me, this is my fifth year tak berpuasa-pertama dengan family, but Allah always showering me with His love dengan menghadirkan insan-insan yang alhamdulillah make me feel like I'm homed. 

So, my azam untuk ramadhan tahun ni is nak terawih full. Kalau boleh nak full jemaah dekat surau/masjid sebab bila buat ramai-ramai, bahagia dia lain macam. The suasana and the echo of 'aminnnn' after every Fatihah. I like it. The moment you salam2, cium2 your friends asking for their forgiveness too and last -- seeing those gentlemen wearing pelikat also [ok, kidding!] 

The best part of all is -- MOREH. Tapi moreh dekat sini not as awesome as moreh at home buy ayah always pesan, just make of what we have. Bersyukur dengan apa yang kita ada. That phrase always pujuk my heart untuk sabar and accept things for what they are. 

:) 

Yesterday was fun. I never been this happy during this semester in Mimet. Hanging out with friends who dear to me and spending the whole day with them, but hey -- things happened. 

From my truth, 

It happened on our back to Mimet when we stopped at petrol station. I go to the counter and after that I waited in Sutha's car while waiting for bab filling up the gas for my car. Hawa who originally ride with Sutha saw me and ask for a change. I'm okay with that. Seriously. It's normal to lepak at other member's car when jalan convoy like this but when I returned back to Sutha's, the door already locked. Q ask me to go ride my own car as my car can fit five people. At that very moment, I felt offended. Because Q say it like that while there are only three persons in that car. So I go back to my car tho I know my car was already full and I know I won't fit in there. 

So, I close the door -- not offended. 

I go enter Eddy's car without even looking at Sutha's and I didn't bother asking them again as I feel ashamed. Terhegeh-hegeh for a ride. and even if I did ask them again, I know I won't be happy as I already offended. I told Eddy, Hakin and Wani that I know this is just a very very very small matter which I shouldn't take really serious, but hey, I can't deny that my heart do offended. 

For that merely reason, I choose not to speak to anyone. I need my own space to calm myself. I need some times to cool down and clear my thought. So, when we arrived at a mosque for solat, I didn't even looking at everyone. But after I went out from the toilet, Q, Hawa and Sha already not talking to me and I assume that Q might know that she did wrong and Hawa and Sha are just being understanding for not bothering me as they always let me cool down first. In the mosque I solat just beside Hawa -- everything was fine, what we did only -- not talking to each other. 

Before I went out from ruangan solat, Q ask me, and yeah I did tell her that I offended with her and while saying that, I start to smile again. Pura-pura merajuk. Friends are like that. We fights but we stay. We fights but we eventually get back together. But still, I don't really have mood to talk much, so I just get into the car. 

While in the car, everyone just started to gather and ask me what happened and I just didn't want to talk about it anymore as I will settle this with Q by my own. Suddenly, Aril said "sekarang ni kau yang salah faham" "Hawa ingat kau marah dekat dia" "masing-masing ego tak nak minta maaf". In the midst of chaos, I was confused. 'I didn't mad at Hawa, but Q, so why so sudden they bring up Hawa's name?' and calling me ego for not saying sorry -- *am speechless* 

I can always say sorry for what I did wrong, but I didn't kaitkan Hawa lansung in my story so why suddenly jadi macam ni? I confused. 

I know they care. 

I know they do not want to hurt Hawa. 

I know they -- 

but they are being unjust -- that is from my side. 

and that night, after solat, after we continue our journey back to mimet, I cry. It's a long way and I can even taste my salty tears. Things get worst. People see me as not mature, emotional etc. I don't care if other people say that to me, and I don't care if that is what people label me, but I do care if my friends who dear to me thought of me, like that. 

Do you ever found a peace in someone's else calmness? 

That's how he make me fall head over heel for him. 

Really. 

 

I remember seeing your sad eyes when she chose someone else. there were days i can tell how frustrated you are for knowing that you're too late for a confession. i clearly understand that feeling when you know that for once, she ever loved you too. I know how regretful that feeling is. 

I don't know how to tell you that you'll be okay for I know I will not. I don't know how to comfort you nor I know how to motivate you. I can only pray to Allah, so HE protect you from getting hurt and heal your broken heart. I pray to Allah to make you happy and grant all your wishes and dreams. I pray to Allah to surround you with people who will love you eternally so you will be happy. 

As time passed, you are slowly looking better. I don't know what you feel tho, but seeing you happy make me happy too. 
 

ofmadnessandemphaty

For lying to me about your marriage, thank you. 

i cannot say that i'm okay with that lies,

but I know the reason you hide behind. 

I'm so speechless, I have nothing left to say. 

but darling, you're still my friends,

and I look at you the same - never change. 

but whatever did you ever do, 

I still not agreeing what he did to you, 

yes you left him, 

but only after he got someone else. 

**

People, you can always fight for what you want,

but not every fight is a genuine fight, 

not every fight is right, 

what if you fight for something that own by someone's else?

what if you won the fight by hurting someone's else?

everytime you want to do bad to people, 

always remember that you too -- will get the favor returned. 

A good day

Assalammualaikum and good day! 

Remember I told you guys about my dream yesterday? yes, that dream where he ignored me for liking him. It seems real tho that morning when I woke up but alhamdulillah that everything back to normal and it turns to be more exciting when we can jokes and I can see his smile again. 

I feel more comfortable with him, slowly getting closer. 

**

that's enough about him

**

Today is so productive! I woke up early, getting ready for class at 11am (which I don't know was cancelled for not reading ws group), but before that, I've promised to meet my group-mate at library as our due-date for submission is today before 12pm. So, I've decided to go early. 

While doing that, I also typing a bunch of letter of notification in regards of MiSF which will be held TOMORROW! It's tomorrow guys and I in charge for opening! what kind opening will we have tomorrow? Its a surprise :))

Then, I go eat with my friends and go for class! sir is so kind today that he finish his lecture early. and now, I need to settle few things about MiSF and now curi2 masa to blog a little bit about today. Because I need to at least remember what I am doing on this day for I know I may forget about it few days letter and apatah lagi next 10years kan, so I really want to know what exactly that I feel today. 

since last night when I saw his face and today, I am happy. I keep this chills for myself until I posted this on my blog. I hope people out there can feel their happiness too. 

bye!  

oh ya, I've got no time to update about my vacation to Legoland, maybe next week when I have some free time?