Kamu tidak bisa menghentikan perasaanmu hanya kerana kamu mahu,

sebab cinta bukan sesuatu yg salah untuk kamu perjuangkan

namun jujurlah apa yang kamu rasakan

perasaan takut sering menyelimuti hatimu kan? 

apakah yang kamu tunggu pun menunggumu 

salah jika kamu berharap kalau ia harus segera cepat datang menujumu

dengan cemas aku meminta kepadanya untuk memperkuat benteng penantianku

Kuatkan hatiku untuk menunggumu, 

aku tahu pasti aku mampu, 

aku percaya pada janjimu

aku percaya pada-NYA  

- panjiramandana

00

The one that I want is you.

That person I look up to is you.

That man I like is you.

But I'm afraid of losing you for liking you. 

so, I pretend like nothing happened. 

I hide this feelings from you. 

so, you and I, can still laugh, in the same room.

Real love isn't easy. And if I'm being honest, I don't want things to be easy.

I don't want things to be easy between us. We are two different people who don't and won't see eye-to-eye on every single thing. I don't want things to always be simple, for us to always agree and never argue. I don't want us to be two people that live this fairytale type of love, because that's not real love.

Real love isn't easy. It's fighting and driving one another crazy. It's frustration and confusion. It's moments of good and bad, moments of pure bliss and pure chaos. But it's choosing each other, despite that mess. 

Falling in love doesn't mean you meet someone whose life and perspective perfectly aligns with yours. You won't get into relationship with someone who will always treat you right., always do what he or she is supposed to, always make you laugh and never frustrate you. You won't find perfect because love is imperfect. 

I don't want the challenge. I want the real and raw emotions that come with falling for someone. I want us to disagree and argue, frustrate one another and challenge each other's perspectives. 

I want things to be as they are - not like a Disney movie or romantic fairytale. I want things to be real because we're real. Because we're imperfect. Because we're us. And I wouldn't change that for the world.

Dia, adalah cahaya yang menyuluh terang, 

yang membawa aku kembali kepada kenalnya Tuhan. 

Dia, adalah pelengkap kepada ketidaksempurnaan, 

yang membawa aku kembali tegak maju kedepan.

Dia, adalah kebahagiaan, 

yang membuat aku bertahan disaat kesedihan.

Dengan atau tanpa dia disisi, aku masih akan setia, 

kerana cinta tidak boleh kerana terpaksa. 

Tuhan, kuatkanlah aku dalam menunggunya.

dan andai tidak aku dengan dia, maka damaikanlah hatiku

sedamai-damainya. 

 

bisakah aku, 

jadi langit, 

biarkan aku, 

lindungi mendungmu. 

bisakah aku, 

jadi angin, 

biarkan aku, 

bawa dukamu.

bisakah aku, 

jadi cinta,

biarkan aku, 

tinggal di hatimu. 

dan bila dia, 

yang terlebih dulu memilikimu,

datang kembali menuntutmu, 

aku kan beralah, 

jika itu yang kau mahu, 

kerna tenyata, 

kau tak terdaya, 

melupakannya.

"are you okay" he asked.

and what if i'm not,

will you sit and listen?

"are you okay" he asked.

and what if i'm not,

will you come and cheer me?

"are you okay" he asked

and what if i'm not,

will you be my crying shoulders?

No.

you just asked and leave.

i'm just trying my best,
to see you as a friend,
so, help me. if all you want to be,
is my friend. 

do you ever feel so tired 

and feel like you're not being appreciated?

Being a src, I do lot more than I should as a student. 

I didn't blame others. I blame me. 

but this is what I like and what I wanted to do. 

so, no regrets. 

You try to apply any scholarship, 

the condition is two; 

for you to balance both curricular & academic, 

and when you did that, 

the panel only look at your academic achievements. 

*wth*

we spent hours doing things that are not our responsibilities 

to help our universities and yet we get no recognition for that. 

i just feel like - what the heck i'm doing this for?

it sucking up my energy!

but i know, that's not what I angry at. 

I angry at those who makes the rules. 

if you're not going to follow the rule then don't make one. 

idk why, 

but i feel betrayed. 

by who?

i don't know. 

i may say nonsense. 

and yes, i did. 

Rant on today

Nothings goes right. 

I wonder why, 

tho I know the answer why. 

I keep asking God, 

why me?

I know others suffered too, 

and I know some are heavier than mine, 

but I just wanted to,

I just feel like. 

It sounds rude, I know. 

but I need a clarification. 

a clarification of what?

I don't know!

I can't focus 

I was distracted

In the complex mind of

unstable emotion,

I'm confused. 

for you, i've sacrifice 

when you love. 

you're more giving than taking. 

you're more loving than hating. 

because for the sake of love, 

we all sacrificing. 

#Unrequitedlove

I know how much you liked her. 

I know how much she adore you. 

I know your unrequited love story,

and I know how broken both of you were. 

She has moved on and start to love again,

unlike you, who remain still, 

who still hiding, behind a smile. 

A smile that I wished to see for the rest of my life. 

I cannot promise that there will be no arguments. 

but hurting you -- that is not in my plan. 

I cannot promise that you will be happy with me.

but I know for sure, that I want to look after you. 

You are someone I look up to. 

You are someone that give me the chillness

You are someone that calm my temperamental.  

You are you. No one can compare you and you can't be compared. 

This feeling for you are ordinary and simple. 

It isn't something excessive but beautiful. 

It's sincere and honest. 

and for being myself beside you--

I'm grateful enough, that I have nothing to fake of.

However, 

I know. 

There is no space for me in your heart. 

There is no me in your life. 

and deep down in my heart, 

I strongly believe, that she -- still -- deserve --
you.  

- //byfk.

"apa pun jadi, kau tetap kau. tak pernah cuba jadi orang lain. you're you" 

I played this game yang viral dekat IG, yang mana you dm Hi dekat kawan you and they will reveal what they really feel about you. something like that la. i know many of you are playing this game and it is fun actually. seeing how much your friends know you and how much you know your friends. and that one I got from my friend who is currently study at Rusia. 

I was speechless when I saw the answer. I didn't expect this. This is so touching, heartening and lovely at the same time. I am very different in school days. and if my friends can get to live with new me now, maybe they will be the happiest person on the earth. I'm sure that won't expect me to change this much but yeah, I am growing up and I learn from the environment I living in. 

 

I am so hot tempered before. You annoy me and you will get the price. I am so hard headed before, for I believe when I am right, I am right and when I am wrong, I still right. I didn't give myself a chance of losing. I always stay in my comfort zone. I won't stand in the front line knowing I will lose, so there were so many heart I hurt just to protect my pride.

 

Tiga tahap ilmu

Ilmu itu ada tiga tahap.
yang pertama,
apabila dia belajar,
dia sombong.

yang kedua,
apabila dia belajar,
dia akan tawadhu'

yang ketiga,
apabila dia belajar,
dia merasa tidak punya apa-apa.

lalu engkau berada di tahap yang keberapa?
sampai semua kata orang kau endahkan,
hanya melulu melihat pada yang engkau faham sahaja.

engkau berada di tahap yang keberapa?
bila mana kata kau, kau faham segalanya lalu
menyanggah pendapat yang lain mentah mentah.

kita semua sudah dewasa.
ada akal untuk berfikir.
ada hati untuk merasa.
 --

The boy who doesn't know

She started to miss him -- a lot.
on the day she know she need to leave.
she can't see him for a few days.
realize it was all commitment and responsibilities.

but..

what a miserable feeling it must be.
when she's struggling with her feeling and
the boy know nothing.