My Trip to Zoo

Hari ni pergi program Volunteering at Zoo Taiping. It is such a good experience, however if we could arrived a bit earlier, we could have an advantage to feed tiger. To clean up its cage. You know - to look at the beast (like very closely), how amazing would it be?

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All in all, I'm quite happy today. At least I got things to do, because I know I will resist to study this weekend, so better I work my body out. Maybe because I've gotten used to be alone, so I kind of care less about joining a program w/out people I close with. 

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I mean, look- everyone holding their friends tight. Going every where together like they can't never be apart. But I was not born to do that I think. I ever feel depressed about that, but now - no more.

If you want to fly high, you must let go of things that pulling you downward. 

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I did that. 

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But I know the main reason why I need this kind of physically tiring activities, so that I couldn't have any space to think about you again. But guess what, I didn't succeed yet

Maybe that is all that we need.
To stand by each other.
And just be there.
Because the fact that we exist for each other is much more comforting.

Maybe we will meet again

'Akak tak patah hati ke?' Tanya Hikmah.

Nak patah hati tu boleh.
Tapi jangan tersungkur mati.
Meski hari ini terasa sakit.
Mahu atau tak, kita tetap kena bangun lagi.

Salah aku juga.
Sebab menjulang tinggi egois.
Salah aku juga.
Sebab tak nak akukan apa yang dirasa.
Salah aku juga.
Sebab beriya kata "don't misunderstood my friendship for love"
Padahnya sekarang, berbalik pada aku juga
But I am so powerless.

Tak apalah.
Maybe we will meet again.
When we slightly older.
And when you are right for me.
And I am right for you.

Aku cuma terfikir.
Secara tiba-tiba.
Definisi cinta kita semua.
Hanya terbatas pada apa, yang terlihat kasar oleh fizik mata sahaja ke?

Aku cuma terfikir.
Kalau kita gagal jadi
Apa yang orang lain mahu kita jadi,
Maka gagalkah kita sebagai manusia?

Tak. Aku cuma terfikir.
Bagaimana sempitnya fikiran kita.
Tapi aku tak nafikan juga.
Itu memang lumrah kita manusia.

Lalu aku mula terfikir.
Apa yang buat kita dilayakkan Allah untuk mentadbir bumi ni?

It's raining outside.
A smell that I've always longing for.
And tonight, I'm being a bit emotional.
Throwing back my usrah days, which
I miss the most right now.

Rindu untuk menyantap ilmu tentang Islam.
Rindu untuk ditarbiyah.
Rindu untuk kembali berada ditaman syurga.

--

It has been a while. I am not post anything since my midterm and I was busy with tests, quizzes and assignment submission and presentation. Ever since I start doing my degree at Mimet two months ago, seriously I am not feeling so good. Something is missing. I just feel that there is something that makes me feel incomplete. Something that is not right. I feel misfit being here. I do not feel like I am belong here. 

"tak kenal maka tak cinta" - mama. My mom told me that, when I was telling her how I feel, grumbling because I need to return back to Mimet after midterm break. Since my early day, I have telling myself that I am starting to believe in the journey that I am not sure where will it takes me, and mama keep reminding me to redha with HIS plan. After all, this is what I wanted right? Further my studies quickly for I want to finish my degree early. So why would I complain?

***

During my mid sem break, I have post a few throwback picture in my instagram. Obviously, it's all about my childhood memory. Some may get sick of me because I keep telling them that same 'painful' memory. And some might feel menyampah with me because I keep bringing up that so long old memory. But what can I do yarr, it's not that I purposely want-to-remember-it-all. All I want is - to not having any more nightmare regarding my childhood memory. You know how hurt it is to wake up in the morning after cursing and being cursed by these-unforgotten-people in my dream? You know how uncomfortable it is to hate those friends you love in  your dream? 

I know some saying has said that "Tidak melupakan beerti belum memaafkan". I could forgive them all but how you expect that I will forget everything? The pain is bearable but the warrior inside the armor is a child anyway. How could a 12 years old girl mentally tortured forget what happened to her? Some might say what they did to this girl is simply a childish thing and they didn't mean to hurt her and some might excuse themselves by using their 12 y/o maturity as the reason for behaving like a bitch. Heck. Do you ever thought about that girl? how would she take all your cercaan? 

There is always one thing that I want all of us remember that; 

Not everyone was born having everything that we have. 

Sometimes what she had is love.

And if you mock the only things that she had, what else that she has left to show? 

when she start to forget about love, she starts to grow without love. She resist love given/offered to her. She no longer know how to appreciate people around her. She scared to be cursed if she fall in love again or maybe, she wants to thank you for making her forget how to love again. Because somehow she scared the scar would get deeper.