Rather than takut, aku lebih pada rasa bersalah. Bersalah sebab selalu sangat causing pain to others and especially my family. They have done so much for me and I can't even return them any favor. I don't know what happen to my system. I don't know how could I turn to be this use less kind of person.
I don't hope too much. I just hope that I can be a little help for my parents - to at least reduce their bebanan. They might say that that was their responsibility but still - I feel wrong towards them.
Why I can't be like my sisters and brothers who always give my family good news? why it should be me who cause all the accidents and the biggest question is - Why I am such an accident prone?
How to avoid it?
I have tried to be more careful. I have tried to be more more more extra super very careful. But somehow, I just cannot avoid causing accidents which will affect me (especially_). I have reach to the extent, I keep blaming myself and my self esteem was affected. I feel so down.
To bring myself up again, is not easy. No one ever knows what was in my heart and they also don't know what was in my mind. I hope I could tell anyone everything, so I could hear people's opinions but it seem impossible as I think no one is really trying to understand this hard head of mine.
I just want to control myself a bit more.
I just want to believe in myself a bit longer.
tapi Allah kan ada
That's the thing. Only He knows what is happening to me and all in all, only to Him I can have my faith in. Only Him I can rely on to and to Him I shall pray - I clearly understand that this journey towards Him is not easy to go through. Ujian akan didatangkan untuk menambah keimanan dan ketaqwaan tu dan setiap manusia ni akan ditapis dengan ujian-ujian yang diberi.
And if aku kalah dalam stage ni, how can I do something for Islam in the future, so that I need to hijrah. I need to berhijrah from being dependent to independent. I know I need to face my problems bravely, though it is hard but just believe that, that is one of Allah's ways to grant something to me.
And if aku kalah dalam stage ni, how can I do something for Islam in the future, so that I need to hijrah. I need to berhijrah from being dependent to independent. I know I need to face my problems bravely, though it is hard but just believe that, that is one of Allah's ways to grant something to me.
Hijrah itu bukan pencapaian tetapi sebuah perjalanan. Hijrah itu hanya akan berhenti saat taubat terhenti dan pintu taubat hanya akan ditutup saat sang mentari terbit dari Barat.