Perhaps.

Kalau kita rasa dia adalah yang paling lain kita pernah jumpa, 

siapa tahu satu hari nanti Allah akan hadirkan 

seseorang yang juga paling lain dari dia. InshaAllah. 

Percaya pada DIA

I just wonder about 

what is in your mind. 

.

No tittle

because you have your own way, 

because you are you, 

because you stand on your own feet,

because you have that 'nur'

and because of that you shine. 

and to get a little light (biased) from you, 

I appreciate it. 

& for making me part of your life - thank you. 

Thanks

My Mess

Rather than takut, aku lebih pada rasa bersalah. Bersalah sebab selalu sangat causing pain to others and especially my family. They have done so much for me and I can't even return them any favor. I don't know what happen to my system. I don't know how could I turn to be this use less kind of person. 

I don't hope too much. I just hope that I can be a little help for my parents - to at least reduce their bebanan. They might say that that was their responsibility but still - I feel wrong towards them. 

Why I can't be like my sisters and brothers who always give my family good news? why it should be me who cause all the accidents and the biggest question is - Why I am such an accident prone? 

How to avoid it?

I have tried to be more careful. I have tried to be more more more extra super very careful. But somehow, I just cannot avoid causing accidents which will affect me (especially_). I have reach to the extent, I keep blaming myself and my self esteem was affected. I feel so down. 

To bring myself up again, is not easy. No one ever knows what was in my heart and they also don't know what was in my mind. I hope I could tell anyone everything, so I could hear people's opinions but it seem impossible as I think no one is really trying to understand this hard head of mine. 

I just want to control myself a bit more. 

I just want to believe in myself a bit longer. 

tapi Allah kan ada

That's the thing. Only He knows what is happening to me and all in all, only to Him I can have my faith in. Only Him I can rely on to and to Him I shall pray - I clearly understand that this journey towards Him is not easy to go through. Ujian akan didatangkan untuk menambah keimanan dan ketaqwaan tu dan setiap manusia ni akan ditapis dengan ujian-ujian yang diberi.

And if aku kalah dalam stage ni, how can I do something for Islam in the future, so that I need to hijrah. I need to berhijrah from being dependent to independent. I know I need to face my problems bravely, though it is hard but just believe that, that is one of Allah's ways to grant something to me. 

Hijrah itu bukan pencapaian tetapi sebuah perjalanan. Hijrah itu hanya akan berhenti saat taubat terhenti dan pintu taubat hanya akan ditutup saat sang mentari terbit dari Barat.

The Boys

Two Bodyguards.
The guard of house.
The guard of family.
The guard of mama ayah.
The guard of his sisters.

They annoy me a lot.
I hate them too.
But because we are related by blood.
I just fall in love with them unconditionally.

Owh ya,
They are the only bestfriend ayah ever had.

.

The Siblings

They are the greatest bless Allah give me.
Without them, I might not be able to survive.
To reach at this level, I am really thankful.
Thanks for their support.
Thanks for bear with me.

Throughout my 19 years of life,
I couldn't imagine life without them.

Mengalah. 

Paling perit jika ditanya, 

"kau pernah ke mengalah"

people will never know exactly what you feel 

and they never really care of what's inside you.

They just want to be right and

stand one level above you. 

That is it.

They are not listening to understand. 

They listen to answer you. 

That's why, people couldn't understand others. 

and I guess. 

I need it to. 

I mean,understand others. 

In my complex mind

I've lot of things I think about. 

It just like they really matters to me, 

but are they?

I take things seriously.

Every little things - I think it was important. 

Very.

Somehow, I wonder. 

why I can't learn how to joke?

Why I am not good at playing joke 

around people.

and why need I be serious on everything. 

I am not perfectionist anyway, 

so why sweat for those little things?

Entahlah. 

I don't know either.