Is it easy to find a soulmate?

Guysss!! Before I start, let me share a sad story with you. I have write the whole page of this entry and I accidentally deleted it all, and now, I could not even retrieve the entry I have written. Now I need to write it again T.T
Done #curahan

So let's write it again okay.

Soulmate. How do you recognize a soulmate? If you ask me that, I won't be able to recognize one. Not yet. But if you ask me how can I turn down men without giving them chances, my answer will be "I study myself. I embrace my weakness and cherish my strength. The more I got to know myself, the more I know, how kind of person my partner will be" and this idea of mine has always encourage me to work on self betterment for the sake of brighter future I may share with this man whose existence is not yet known in the world.

Call me old school, because I am so traditional like this 🌹
(My friends call me old soul for reason)

A soulmate, is someone I would like to make a family. I always believe, a marriage is not only a unite of two hearts but two family. I would love to care for his parents just like I care mine. And I wanted him to accept mine as his half too. I want to be a partner who provide support and I need partner who willing to do the same. Who willing to lend his wings, so I could fly high. Who hands are so warm that I won't forget my ground, and the most important thing, the one who always believe in me and want to grow together with me.

A soulmate, is someone who won't find us shameful when people thought of us as a weirdo. The one who accept the unique side of our darker world and willing to share his. A man who not correct me to follow his way, but a man who makes me feels like his way is the right one that I will follow wholeheartedly.

"You are too picky", "You don't deserve to be choosy, just accept anyone's who comes in your way" people told me these sort of things. I may be way too ugly, fat , dark and weird (even family couldn't handle my blunt, my laugh) I am so annoying -- for them, and they say, and I know it, but I love it. Haha. But a narcissist like me, I will claim that I am on the other level, that not many man could achieve. I am too rare, exotic kind. (Let me guys...let me haha)

Hello! Don't fat women deserve to be choosy? Everyone have right to choose who they wanted to spend their lifetime with. Because we are not talking about three years commitment. We are talking about possibility of 30 years and more of living together with the same person you will wake up next to, every single morning!! And ask yourself, again and again, are you willing to see me in my worst condition physical appearance and emotional state?

I am 24 years old this year, and I never been in any relationship. I have waited this long, and I wouldn't mind to wait a little bit longer. "You won't find one like that". Allah has promised. That He makes us in pair and He will grant us our prayer, if we ask. And I decide to have faith and believe in that.

I want a man who certain. Who not sway of others' opinion, who not waver on others' decision. Why? Because he's going to be a leader. And I do not want to be an assistant of someone who do not know what he's doing with his life. And most importantly, it is crucial to have a man who approach us with intention to marry us, and if we are really not destined to be together, only then we could say "that you came in my life either as a bless or a lesson". If you keep changing your partner in three/six months, these phrase won't really fit. No, it cannot fit.

I don't think meeting and breaking up will teach us what mistakes we did in relationship. Rather, the way we learn about ourselves and our acceptance to our partner. Our respect for each other's opinion and decision.

Oh no. Sorry for being a nagger on this topic, but I just have a lot to say about this. Because some people are worried already that I had no special friends at the moment. Today, my sister received a gift from his future husband and my brother suddenly ask me if I wanted to have anything. He wanted to give me a present too 🤣 he's being so cute. He is so thoughtful. But I make it clear that I am okay and I am not in rush.

Happiness will eventually come in our way. Plus, happiness is not only about two man fall in love, it is more and greater than that. Just like how my love for my parents grow every single day. Just how I feels it is hard to part ways with my family. Just like I am worried that my siblings will get their heart broken, etc. There are so much more beyond our typical love story. So people, open your eyes. Bless from God is everywhere -- either we choose to see it, or turn a blind eyes.

Till here, assalammualaikum.

p/s: Ok, I may never be in relationship, but I do have crush on these two person. I may share it later 🌹

Of wrong path taken

Assalammualaikum earthlings...

I used to feels irritated whenever I took wrong turn listening to waze instructions. That's why my doubts to waze/maps increase. However, as I am learning about life, I realise something. Something that really wake me up and something that really make me ponder why do I, always focusing too much on something that's so little which not worth my energy getting angry at.

I used to get angry when I am taking a wrong turn, because it will obviously taking more time, money and energy. Never did I realise, that I can only just follow the other way when they reroute, and as easy as that, I will be guided back to origin path. Nevertheless, I will still arrived at my destinations. And when I am thinking it back, it is not that I am taking a wrong direction, I am just taking a different one.

Same goes to our life. There is really nothing solid when it comes on making decision. Sometimes, we accidentally choosing the wrong path. However, the best thing about that is, we could always come back on the right path. We will be guided and Allah will guide us, if we seek for him.

Same goes to people who always comparing their life with others'. Very often, we forget that there is a lot of ways to a destination, and everyone choose differently, however it never means that those who choose different than us is wrong. Because we too, choose differently from others. Norm is something unusual in my dictionary. Because I always live up to believe that every single one of us shall live at their fullest, even though it means being called a weirdo. 

Now, when maps reroute, I follow and learn the road. So I wouldn't make mistakes the second time I take that road again. I embrace the journey. And that's how I feels more peaceful inside and able to see how beautiful is all that's meant to be happening.

I know walking alone is hard
But it is harder to walk with people who wanted to go different direction.
Learn to let things flow and as it was meant to be happen.

🌹

Of me and you

I am tired of seeking for your approval.
I am tired of living to meet your expectation.
And true to be told, this is not how I want to live.
You cannot dim my light, just because I choose not to shine, the way you does.

I love to see how you grow beautifully.
I am glad that all good things coming in your way.
I am grateful that you are all of want you want to be.
And I sincerely pray that you will eventually achieve all the dreams in your bucket list.
And I would want that for me too -- way differently.

Because I wasn't born as ethical as you
And I wasn't born as graceful as you
If you wanted a simple comparison
You are a typical noble while I am a free spirit rebel noble.

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