of letting go and move on

Having you around is not easy, 

I get confused everytime, 

either to walk away or to run into your arms.

Not having you around is tough,

for I afraid that you'll look at another girl, 

for I afraid that will be the beginning of how we'll end.

- @farhannakarim

she'll leave

Not everyone you proud of

to be in your life,

will feel proud 

to have you in their life.

She told herself,

over and over again, 

that this world is different, 

that every single person she met

in her life is different, 

but some things are surreal. 

the reality hit hard

and the truth bite. 

To those person 

who not wanting her 

in their life, 

she pray that God 

will open their heart,

to accept her weakness 

and to understand

that she never asked to

being born in such ways.

To those person 

who hate to hear her voice, 

who never learn 

to appreciate 

what she has done, 

she will leave,

and those who not wanting her 

in their life, 

will never ever hear 

from her, again.

 

- farhannakarim

We and FYP 1

 

The struggle is real and work-smart paid off. Can you imagine how devastated I may feel when my laptop charger meletup during I finishing my fyp's slide? In the same time, I'm working on my innovation assignment, which should be a group assignment but i did it all alone? - not anyone mistake but mine as I'm not taking it seriously padahal the assignment has been distribute a month before the date.

Being the only girl from NMIT for BMO 12TH batch be like; - being the only girl in every picture, haha. Some people mistook me for having special relationship with one of them but nah, they are all not available anymore. Those who interested in caras mencaras can meet me, so I can sampaikan hasrat you all, but please expect to be rejected.

#roadtofinal #roadtofyp2 #roadtofinalyear

Sayang Raya 2017

Raya has become less and less fun when you grow up. We no longer fancy fireworks. We get exhausted for doing so many things like house chores, changing furniture arrangement, throwing out unused materials, and yeah -- cook the raya dishes. Not to forget, anyam daun ketupat. I bought one pair of baju kurung and I get myself one kasut raya which not really kasut raya as I need it for my FYP presentation anyway. But raya is still raya because no one ever bought so many kuih raya unless it is for hari raya, kan? and raya still raya as there is duit raya, but duit raya has become too biased. I get less and less duit raya. 

It is true that raya is only fun when you are kids and when you have kids. I have been on the first phase but not yet the second one. Huhu. As I have nothing much to say for this year hari raya, let me present you few pictures of me during raya, and how my raya looked like. [i know you are not interested, but nah] 

 First raya at rumah nenek (belah ayah, belah mak, I called makwek/pakwek - jawa)

 With family acik Shimah (the only aunty sebelah ayah), anak acik Shimah ada empat, all boys semua dah kahwin, tinggal lagi dua.

 Sebab tak ada formal family picture, ayah request one. [erm, one family photo with different2 post ofc], ni dekat rumah maklong

 the free style one

 this one with cing, the gemoks one tapi sebab aku lagi gemoks so dia nampak kecil. Haha

 see, muka tak nak raya. muka #teamrayafinal + barai gila sebab malam sebelum tu stay up very late and sambung sampai pagi and tiba2 ada orang datang. Ha, that kind of muka la. 

Raya ke-5, mak uda and acik Mira bawa jalan2 Putrajaya sebab 22 tahun aku hidup, not once aku jalan2 sini. Selalu datang rumah makuda terus balik. teringin jalan2 sebab nampak iklan Neelofa raya dekat Putrajaya. ok joke!

 

Nah, masjid besi walau hati tak cukup besi untuk hadapi semua ini - dan macam biasa, aku drama! 

Okay, that is all. Bukan tak nak upload gambar raya lagi, tapi memang ni je yang ada. Tahun ni memang tak banyak tangkap gambar sebab 

1) tak ada mood 

2) muka naik jerawat + burn teruk gilos + parut 

3) depressed exam dah dekat, satu apa tak baca

so, that is all for my raya and moga Allah sempatkan untuk jumpa Ramadhan dan Syawal 2018. 

Book Review: A Rose Petal Beach

A complicated story which plotted nicely by Dorothy Kimsoon. A story about Tami who dedicate life for her family and her life was perfect, a good husband, beautiful daughters. A well being family with cars, house and sufficient income. Everything started when her husband, Scott was handcuffed in front of their children for something terrible. The accuser is none others but her best running-friend, Mirabelle. 

Mirabelle claimed Scott for sexual harassing and raping. Scott keep denying the claim with prove that Mirabelle is actually trying to trap him for he refuse to have intimate relationship with Mirable as he won't ever cheat on his lovely wife that he love so much. Tami was confused. She didn't know whose story is the truth. However, Mirabelle know something about Scott, more that her story with Scott. 

Scott do cheat, not with Mirabelle but with Tami's friend and their close neighbor, Beatrix. Beatrix was really close with Tami's family that Tami won't get suspicious at her at all. Tami trust her - the most. In return of good deeds that Tami has done for her, Beatrix has intimate relationship with Scott. 

Things get complicated when Mirabelle was killed. Police suspect Tami for murder and yes, Tami do not have a strong alibi to prove her innocent as she was there at Mirabelle house - the night she was killed. And after knowing the relationship between Scott and Beatrix, she never be able to look at Scott the same way anymore. She couldn't forgive and forget. 

Beatrix was diagnose with incurable disease and she pledge for Tami's grace - to stay with Tami, at Tami's house. If I am Tami, I won't let Beatrix stay. I will drag her out of my door and let her die alone! Go look for Scott, the man who she willing to trade her friendship for. I won't care. but Tami wasn't me and I wasn't Tami. Tami let her stay and took care of her, accompany her to hospital, do the check up. ergh! 

Scott? they divorce.

Overall, I really love this book. the suspend and thrill. so, my rate for this book is 7/10

I didn't need a man who afraid to approach me when I am mad.
I didn't need someone who can't handled my temper.
I didn't need someone who couldn't tolerate with my emotion.
Am I selfish for asking too much?
Yes, I admitted it. I am too much, so what??
because I know I am not able to get mad at someone who I love.
because I know how fragile my heart is and I know how gentle must I be
that I afraid to get hurt berkali-kali.
and if a man just want to avoid the fire in me, it means that he couldn't protect me.
I didn't need that "leave her alone first"
no, i didn;t need that. i need to talk.

187days left before I leave

It wasn't anyone's fault.
This feelings is not a coincidence
but a lesson.
This feeling is genuine and sincere
but love between us is surreal.
This feeling I had for you,
you ever had it for someone else.
so, how come you don't know
how painful it is to love
someone you can't have?

198days left before I leave

In 198 days, I am going to leave mimet for industrialmanship. It also means that I will not be able to meet my close friends in six month time. They might have forget me then, huhu. I only realised that there is no time to waste last Tuesday when everything seems so perfect to me. I love it here, how I socialized and who I befriend with. I love doing what I am doing, src thingy and all organizing events things - the pressure, the nervousness and excitement -- all is beautiful to me. 

And yes, answering to 'Irfan statement, girls will always be girls -- I do calculate how many days left and I do plan things to do with them. I know boys didn't do this but doesn't mean they care less. Perhaps, they will get more emotional than a girl do. Haha. I know and I saw their brotherhood and sometimes, somehow, I yang tiba2 got teary eyes only by seeing their bond. 

Ok! there is a lot to update actually and I will start doing it by the day I have left. As for today, I am preparing for tonight's Iftar Jamaie 2017. As usual, I will be #emceeoftheday and don't know how it will works this time because I didn't really know how to be an informal emcee. I only used to be a formal emcee before and my voice is so not informal type one, but that's not an excuse tho! Let's take this challenge. 

He was nice and calm. 
and still is. 
He was so shy 
and still is. 
He was so funny 
and still is. 
He is heartbroken
and perhaps -- still is. 

Bye!